Your youngest finishing college is one of those proud and important day in for both.There are many more days and happy tears to come but that doesn't make you old NO far from that.They were raised right and you know it's OK to let them go.Good to hear you have something to escape to when you just need to take a break and catch a breather.Keep enjoying those sunny days it really helps when I'm feeling down.My lunch date was good,a chance to talk about things and see how she was doing.And the way she feels is normal considering she just lost her mother.
Did a quick search on Pilates cause I had no idea what it involved.And I feel that it would benefit me because it has a lot more to offer.Meditation is good and why not to both couldn't hurt,I don't think.If it's not offer in my area then I'll have to find a DVD or something to do at home.Something to add to the list for days like this.It's raining here and I'm staying at home.When it's raining then I don't like to be driving cause it's a trigger for me.
I have some cleaning and laundry to do and that should keep me busy for a while.After that I have no idea what to do with the rest of my day.Don't want to waste it sleeping or just sitting around the house so I'm going to have to wing it.
Thanks for checking on me,which is what you do here out the kindness of your heart.I'm a little proud of myself as well cause I didn't think I was capable of easing someone else pain or troubles.You know the toll and the places it will take you when you lose someone one so close to you.If you let it consume you day in and day out.I let her know that I'm here for her when she needs me but also suggested to her to speak to someone that can walk her through this as well.A therapist with the skills and ability to speak freely and openly with everything and she was fine with that.
OK let's get to good things here.I'm glad you had fun shopping with your daughters and I know they love spending time with mom with whatever you do together.It's those moments you can't get back so spend as much time with them as you can.People are so precious rather they are family or friends because they are people with feelings too.There's nothing like being out in the sun on a beautiful day.Now that they are now longer I try to get as much sun a s I can.And pdoc was please when I told him the meds are starting to balance things out(THANK GOODNESS) for that.
So far today I've tried bike riding but didn't do to well on that.So that let's me know that I need to tidy this body up so that when those summer evening come I can ride a bike.Went shopping at Sam's and brought a lot of healthy foods but had to get my sweets too.I can't leave a store with my chocolate.After putting things away I went to a class with someone.It's twice a week and it's free but you have to bring your own mat.Silent meditation which I've never done before but I'm glad I did.
It really relaxes you and by the class ended,I felt lighter.So that's another positive thing I can add to my planner.Planning out my weekends can really help to because that's when things are pretty tough to deal with.And from this pass weekend I notice staying busy doesn't leave room for me to sit and feel sorry for myself.By the end of the day I'm wiped out just enough time to take a shower and get ready for bed.
I try to get up in the following day with the mental status that I'm needed and that is drives me to get up and get going.Having something to look for too and knowing that people out there care makes a huge difference in how I look at things now.Don't want to take the little for granted any more and some of those small ones can lead to bigger and better things in life.
Sorry to end this but I have a lunch date and I still have the rest of the day to enjoy.It feels good to be stepping out of my box and venture out.
I think I need to change my greeting you from Chris to SUPER MOM!!!!!!
Thanks glad you got the computer straight.And it didn't take you long,I know you would have seen the post and that's what matters.You have a life beyond this board and there's a lot of people that need you here so no worries. I'm feeling good today and I like feeling this way.Been in and out all day and have a full weekend as well but not going to complain cause for the first time it's not all about me.I'll be helping someone(She lost her mother Monday)
We had a couple of minutes to sit outside and chat and it's a beautiful day lots of sun.She's handling things better than I thought but I'm going to be there to help in any way I can.It felt nice going to sleep knowing I did something meaningful for someone.Thanks to you and this place I now know what it feels like to do good things.
Things should settled down soon Tuesday.Both of my T's ear are going to be burning but the time I get through talking Wednesday.OK just wanted to drop in and now I have be going still have a ton of things to do.
I can't THANK YOU ENOUGH it really means a lot.
Take care and after you do a little bit of work,RELAX.It's Friday so have some fun.............View Thread
[Trigger] [TRIGGER> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Yesterday I managed to get myself worked over some things.Feeling like I don't know where mt place is or why it's so hard for others to relate to me.I phoned my pdoc and told him I didn't think the meds were working and gave him a detail account of what I was going through.He said to give the meds a little longer to and see if they balance me out.It's hard to keep my anger in check and deal with raging mood swings.The meds have my hormones out of whack,which is not helping cause of the fear I have of just being touch by someone else.Last night I took my meds and had to force myself to go to sleep cause my body was over riding it.Can't go out and hop in the sack with whoever I come across,that's just not my behavior.
I have stated having dreams/nightmares of an accident that happen over three years ago.I dream I was some where else and not here if you know what I mean.I don't know how to describe it all but I heard my baby's voice(I lost her in the accident) then I saw her face and wanted so badly too hold her.It seem like I was very close to her but she so so far out of my reach and I couldn't touch her.As silly as it sounds I felt like that was my place right there with her.Never felt like that about any other place or feelings I had before.
Can't get the image or thought out of my mind.It's like losing her all over again and it really sucks.So people wishes to be someone else and I do to.The thing is I'm already more than one person mentally so that's most of the time frustrating to the max.I'm really fighting the feeling of not going to sleep because I don't won't wake disappointed again from another dream.I know I'm going to dream but I don't want to have that one again and wake up empty.View Thread
I'm trying too but it's not easy.Which I know it's not going to be and I'm gonna stick with it.Had a rough session today and things will be rough for a while before they get better.At least that's the mind frame I have right now.
In the end the hard work will pay off and for the better.
Glad you spoke on the matter as well.And sometimes it's hard to admit when you're struggling or need help.Thanks for reminding me that it's OK to ask for help from someone.I know tons of people on here care and you reminded of that also.
Sometimes it's easy to detour my thoughts to something else.And there's other times when I just as the hell with everything.I have to commit to not letting my/selves be taken so easily by negative things when depression hits.
Yes that very known and you are right about stopping meds and docs.Self harm is a coping skill that has been used since the age of ten and it just manifested in the last couple of days.It's a lot of frustration cause of a legal matter with the mother.Combining that with the out of control panic attack in from the session Wednesday caused a fragment.If you are familiar with DID,It caused the aggressive personality to surface.Taking a dip into the childhood was a little too sudden and was eager to keep the secrets hidden at all cost.
So Friday I stop taking the meds and starting drinking.Realizing that wasn't helping anything but creating problems with the ones that were already there.Just a escalating situation but it needs to be address and taken care of.Liquor - meds and a safe place to explore the issues=A lot of anger,hate,uncontrolled emotions and a torn ACL.
So yesterday got started back on meds.Amitriptyline HCL 50mg at bedtime and fluoxetine 20mg daily.Going to therapy on Friday cause it's a place for those feelings and emotions to be explored with people who have the skills and knowledge to do so.Just have to allowed them to come up and out without feeling like there's some kind of punishment if it's talked about.Without someone's help then you're just stuck in one spot and not making any progress at all.
The biggest challenge is staying COMMITTED to doing what needs to be done in order to be somewhat OK with life and my selves.Again thanks for your saying what needed to be when I didn't see it in front of me.I'm sorry if you were concern cause there's so many people on here that's really struggling with so many problems.
I never consider myself to be in a crisis not even when I'm feeling down and out.Have been depressed for three months now over a string of issues and today I'm deeply depressed.I'm agitated,emotionally all over the place,I have self harm a little and anxious to do more and with that I still don't consider to be in a crisis.When people ask me if I am I don't acknowledge it the least.
Just when I think that I'm pulling myself out of this hole something or someone knocks me back down deeper.Friday I said I was done no more doctors,meds,courtrooms and no more people BS.I just keep telling myself it's all going to be OK.I thought I could handle anything but this is getting worst.View Thread