I've been through ups and downs in my life as well, even some occasional suicidal thoughts, but was smart enough to figure out that nothing will come good out of it. At the moment, it's an easy way to escape all the problems in your life, but it will affect everyone around you. Just think of all the lives you impacted from being around. Without you, there will be at least one person that will probably be in a worse situation today.
I'm glad you are still around, which tells me you are smart, have a strong will to live and have good reason to be here.
Before I go, I would like to share something that I have recently come across. The company is called HealthTap, which allows users to reach out to doctors either publicly or privately. This may be another good avenue for you to seek help. Take Care.View Thread