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Will Going Into The Hospital Help Me After 40 Year...

I was around 20 when I had my first major depression. It has been with me all...

I was around 20 when I had my first major depression. It has been with me all these years and until almost 50 I did okay or even very well being on the right medications and therapy. Elavil worked until early 40's and Paxil since then. Now I have no doubt that genetics and being extremely sick (105 degree fevers) the first 10 years of life keeps me from never ever recovering from Depression. In 2005 I lost a 28 year job I loved and defined me to this horrible disease. I never worked after that, sold my house I turned into one of the nicest in the neighborhood, and now in a very little house nearby. In late 2009 I was also diagnosed with FMS and that was the end of my creativity. In 2010 my depression was labeled treatment resistant. I have been on every medicine there is and have had ECT which didn't work.
I don't think there is a psychiatrist better then the one I got. About 6 months ago I decided to try a 2nd psychiatrist and several other meds but none helped. So I stayed with my 1st psychiatrist and he and my CBT have been working for 2 years now to help me learn to live with my ever deteriorating condition. Thank God for him securing me disability because I don't know how I would survive.
There are no good days or even a few hours. The pain, extreme anxiety that makes me feel like I will explode, inability to do even monor tasks (I could for many years go from 5am to midnight multitasking while still dealing with depression when the meds worked), no interest in anything but I force myself to the healthclub, sweating from just trying to move, so I don't break down completely. I crash about 30 minutes later. I don't think of hurting myself but I do understand why anyone would want to end this. I have very little support but now there seems to be some people who are trying to understand.
People tell me I look good and i have fooled many for years. I feel like I am in jail in my own body and no where to turn.
I really don't want to try another psychiatrist and after all these years of treatment what could going into the hospital do. I am not catatonic, suicidal or wishing to hurt anyone else so I may not even qualify to be admitted.
Some people now, as in my meetings and CBT's office have seen me totally break down which I never do. It feels better then getting angry.
Does anyone here think that going into inpatient treatment, where I start fresh with new doctors and meds, will help?
I will be 60 in a few months.
Any advice will be appreciated.View Thread

Posted byHaveToLearnToAccept

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Reply: What do you wish the world knew about depression?

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Reply: SOOO TIRED!!!!!

Obviously you are severely depressed but I want to point out that people like...

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Has anyone improved their depression by quitting s...

This is just a simple straight-forward question directed at people who found...

Posted by HaveToLearnToAccept

This is just a simple straight-forward question directed at people who found quitting smoking helped relieve their depression to some degree. I will leave out my long struggle with depression. Besides - I am not thinking very well right now and hard to write.
I was a bit of a health and exercise nut in my mid-late teens. I was also very sick as a child for the first 10 years. Maybe all the exercise was my way of trying to never return to those early years. In my early 20's I went to a nutritionist because of what I thought was fatigue. That and other earlier signs would have me believe I was probably depressed during that time. There were certainly some clear and unusual stressors back then. But at 22 my anxiety had me believe that going into the navy was what I needed. I did well in boot camp but by week 6 or 7 I was having trouble functioning and eventually sent home (with an Honorable Discharge). I was absolutely devastated and severely depressed. I got help but kept to myself. Everyone was getting married or having children and I was seriously broken not knowing what happened. With help I was able to start college for my A.A.S degree. I took a full load of credits in the day and in the evening worked. I would stay up late, in my fathers work room that I fixed up, to do my school work. After all th years of watching my friends drink, smoke, and hangout I thought how discusting smoking was. But I started drinking coffee and smoking. I later found out the cigarettes were acting as an MAO (anti-depressant). I am now going to be 60 and have had MDD, and now Fibro, for some time. I am also on disability because of these illnesses. After being on every med there is for almost 40 years I am now classified as "treatment resistant" by my psychiatrist who is about the best there is. It took close to a year but I finally tried another psychiatrist and several other meds made no difference. I do force myself to go to a healthclub and exercise but it drains the little energy I have. My doctors have long known about the cigarettes (1 pack a day) but stopped pushing me to quit a while ago because physically I was tested okay and they knew my struggles with depression.
LIJ hospital by me has one of the best stop-smoking programs around and I had been to their meetings several times. As the literature states it is very hard for people with my conditions to quit.
So does anyone have any REAL EXPERIENCE with improving their depression by quitting cigarettes? I am aware of all the other reasons to quit.View Thread

Posted byHaveToLearnToAccept

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Reply: Has anyone improved their depression by quitting s...

Thank you Anon. That was very helpful. Any one of us who have been through the...

Posted by HaveToLearnToAccept

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Has anyone improved their depression by quitting smoking? Thank you Anon. That was very helpful. Any one of us who have been through the...

Reply: What do you wish the world knew about depression?

I am a Christian (Catholic) and I feel when the church says "love thy neighbor"...

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Reply: What do you wish the world knew about depression?

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Reply: Thinking.....

I am thinking about hope uncomfortable I am. Force myself to health club and...

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Reply: What do you wish the world knew about depression?

For a minute here it seems like it was me that wrote this. I will be 60 next...

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Reply: What do you wish the world knew about depression?

Yes - it would be great if people would just cared because we are in pain. They...

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