Hi all. My name is LuÃs. I don't speak english very well, but I will try to explain myself the best i can.
I'm depressed. For the first time I admit it. I haven't seen a doctor yeat, but I don't have to, because I know I have it. My mother was depressed once, I know how she felt, and I feel kinda the same.
I'm 23 years old, and this feeling started when i was 17. School failure, problems with my family and girlfriend drove me into a suicide attempt that failed, but left some scars. Some people didn't try to understand, they just spent all the time criticizing me. Since then, I've changed. I'm afraid of living, I'm afraid of failure...
Nowadays, I have a job and I study at university at night. Some people would say I'm lucky for doing that in a crisis time like this, but I don't agree. First, I hate my job and all people I work with. They are too different from me. And I don't like what I'm studying either, so I don't feel motivated to finnish it. My familly's situation is better but our country has a huge financial crisis...we all have job, but that's no enougth.
If this was not bad enough, i lost a few friends. Specilly my best friend, that person i would say "she will never abandon me"...but she did...
Resuming...all this stuff make me feel angry and sad. During all this years I have struggled really hard to find motivation, to help the others (funny thing, I can't help myself) but all humans have a breaking point, and I'm close to it...I fell i can't hold this pain and dispair much more time...I'm affraid of doing something that might bring me and my familly more suffering.
I know i should see a doctor, but I would like to know if it is possible to fight back with o medical care, no pills...just me.
I had and diary once, not long ago. I wrote a lot, about everything, but I allways felt I wasn't writing to me. I felt I was writing to someone else read some day. So, even trying so hard, I couldn't be 100% honnest with my own diary. It helped me a lot during that time, but then i reallized that i didn't need it anymore.
Fortunelly for me, now I have people to talk about, I don't have to write anymore, I hope...
Do you really think I should start with it again? View Thread
Hi...I didn't. No anti-depressants, no help, nothing... I guess I have no courage to go there. Maybe I'm affraid of what a docter can say to me, I just don't know... I need the help but, it's like, I can't move...View Thread
Hummm but I'm a bit afraid of medication.I would prefer to try something more..."conventional". I've talked to a doctor by e-mail and she said that the therapy itself can deal with the problem, maybe no medication is needed. My mother isn't depressed anymore, and she stills using medication, everyday. I'm just scared of that.
Not yet...there are so many psychologists in here, I can't choose... One lives close to me, but i prefer to go to someone that doens't know me at all. I beliave I will feel more comfortable that way.
Unfortunelly, I live in a place full of narowminded people. Most of them don't beliave in depression. They only care about blaming people that feels that way. I know that I've made mistakes, but they can't be the only excuse for this. I'm not depressed because I want or like it. I want to feel good, happy, confident and positive. They also say we should be able turn the page by ourselfs. I tried, too many times...they just don't understand. I blamed myself for too long, until I realized that I'm not the only reason. Too many things are...and too many people.
I'm glad I found this comunity. At least someone that understands.
I will see a doctor. I'm always waiting for the perfect time to do it, but I now the time is now, I shouldn't wait much more. This happened several times: I got tired of this, decided to see a doctor, then things became calm again...just until everything start all over again.
When I say I'm "afraid of doing something that might bring more suffering", I mean, I'm not feeling that all the time. It's just, sometimes, I feel I'm loosing control, like if the ground is disappearing, and I look around and see nobody, nothing good. That feeling of powerlessness, leads me to panic and if that happens, I really don't know what I can do...fortunelly that doesn't happen a lot, and I hope it won't happen again. It's like this person is not me. Just like if I was possessed. I loose control of what I do or say.
I wish my familly was a better support. My mother understands me, she advised me several times so seek for help, because she suffered because of that. My brother think's I'm in a bad mod, and sooner or later I'm ok again. My father understand's what is a depression, but I don't like the way he deal's with it. It's the old school way: hold it, hold it, hold it. As long as I can walk and work, it's fine for him. That's what i did all this years. I hope I can fix it now.
Thank you again for the support. Its a funny fact, that people that don't know me at all, are more willing to help me, than the people that know me for too long. Some of them don't know my condition. They really have no idea...