
A Light in My Future
Just checking back in to let you know I have a new therapist and for the first time in...
Posted by Femfatal
Just checking back in to let you know I have a new therapist and for the first time in quite some time I have hope. I had been diagnosed with treatment resistant major depression with possible behavior disorder, but all my symptoms didn't fit the bill. There have been other diagnosis, but again the symptoms didn't fit the mold.
My new therapist has reviewed my entire history, 20 years worth, and we've met several times now. He believes the correct diagnosis to be PTSD with depression. That fits. He told me had I been evaluated as a Veteran the diagnosis would have been clear. However, as I've never truly opened up and talked about my nightmares or childhood as I have with him it's been misdiagnosed all these years. That's why all the meds they'd tried have been of little help.
I want to thank this board for pointing me towards several links that got me through the holidays and helped me realize if I was ever going to find peace I had to work through the PTSD. I'd tried a couple times in the past but with counselors who weren't experienced in working with trauma victims, so it didn't work & I gave up. Now I know I can't give up, I have to face & conquer this. Working with a therapist who does have experience in this area, I have hope this time I'll get it right.
Again, thank you for the information links and to those who supported me during hard times.
Sincerely,
FemfatalView Thread
Posted byFemfatal
My new therapist has reviewed my entire history, 20 years worth, and we've met several times now. He believes the correct diagnosis to be PTSD with depression. That fits. He told me had I been evaluated as a Veteran the diagnosis would have been clear. However, as I've never truly opened up and talked about my nightmares or childhood as I have with him it's been misdiagnosed all these years. That's why all the meds they'd tried have been of little help.
I want to thank this board for pointing me towards several links that got me through the holidays and helped me realize if I was ever going to find peace I had to work through the PTSD. I'd tried a couple times in the past but with counselors who weren't experienced in working with trauma victims, so it didn't work & I gave up. Now I know I can't give up, I have to face & conquer this. Working with a therapist who does have experience in this area, I have hope this time I'll get it right.
Again, thank you for the information links and to those who supported me during hard times.
Sincerely,
FemfatalView Thread
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Reply: Scared
That 1 one night was the only nights good sleep I've gotten. Been 2-4 hours interrupted...
Posted by Femfatal
That 1 one night was the only nights good sleep I've gotten. Been 2-4 hours interrupted sleep since and I'm worn thin again. And to top it all off, today is my grandsons fith birthday parth and I wasn't invited. It's the first time I've not been invited to one of my grandchildred's birthdays.
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Reply: Scared
I hope you're doing well, I really mean that. I'm using this site just to keep me sane, or...
Posted by Femfatal
I hope you're doing well, I really mean that. I'm using this site just to keep me sane, or at least my version of it, as groups will not start back up in this area until after the first of the year and will take time to get organized. I know what you mean about exhausting, I've gotten 1 good nights sleep this week. 2 to 4 hours sleep a night for a months is wearing me thin along with the vivid memories and dreams. When I was 20 I could handle 4 hours sleep a night with no problems, at 55, like me, it's getting a bit old and tiring. I think I'm beginning to understand why my family line dies out either before their 60's or shortly thereafter...stress is a killer. I wreaks havoc on ones body, mind & spirit! Sorry for sounding the gloomy gus, just haven't had enough sleep.
I have a few internet sites I collect positive saying from, I don't watch TV and I only listen to KLOVE or WAY radio, check them out if you haven't already. They both play the same type music, just different DJ styles.
You have a Blessed Day and I'm going to try to get some more sleep...
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Posted byFemfatal
I have a few internet sites I collect positive saying from, I don't watch TV and I only listen to KLOVE or WAY radio, check them out if you haven't already. They both play the same type music, just different DJ styles.
You have a Blessed Day and I'm going to try to get some more sleep...
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Reply: The eternal battle?
Children of abuse can be attracted to abusers without realizing why. From there it gets...
Posted by Femfatal
Children of abuse can be attracted to abusers without realizing why. From there it gets deep, but I've come to understand why I've picked the men I have in my life & it's why I've decided not to remarry. I've been married twice & was a caregiver to my last "boyfriend" (he's 61, more of an ass than a boy..lol) for the last 12 years I knew him, all abusers in one way or another.
He hasn't been 'in" my life for over 13 months. However, his daily calls & texting where driving me crazy. I've since handled that situation by telling him, (short version), never to contact me again then putting his numbers on "ignore". I've been pretty calm since then, My psych literally smiled from ear to ear and did a little dance when I told him what I'd done as he'd been trying to get me to end the situation for several years. His words where, "You've put your house in order, that's why you feel better." I'm sure the medication change had something to do with being able to find my backbone after all thes years though.
This is a difficult time of the year for me anyway as seasonal depression piles up on top of treatment resistant depression, but the addition of light thearapy seems to be helping also.
I had a wonderful Thanksgiving with grandchildren & daughter-in-law's family out in the country. I feel truely blessed & a little selfish. This is the first time I have thought of myself first!
Be WellView Thread
Posted byFemfatal
He hasn't been 'in" my life for over 13 months. However, his daily calls & texting where driving me crazy. I've since handled that situation by telling him, (short version), never to contact me again then putting his numbers on "ignore". I've been pretty calm since then, My psych literally smiled from ear to ear and did a little dance when I told him what I'd done as he'd been trying to get me to end the situation for several years. His words where, "You've put your house in order, that's why you feel better." I'm sure the medication change had something to do with being able to find my backbone after all thes years though.
This is a difficult time of the year for me anyway as seasonal depression piles up on top of treatment resistant depression, but the addition of light thearapy seems to be helping also.
I had a wonderful Thanksgiving with grandchildren & daughter-in-law's family out in the country. I feel truely blessed & a little selfish. This is the first time I have thought of myself first!
Be WellView Thread
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Reply: Scared
Update I'm on .25mg Risperidone 4 times daily for the next 6 weeks. There are no...
Posted by Femfatal
Update
I'm on .25mg Risperidone 4 times daily for the next 6 weeks. There are no support groups active at this time due to the holidays, they won't start back up until after the New Year. What a bummer, this is the hardest time of the year for me and a lot of others!
Tears are flowing again tonight as memories are flooding back and I can't control them. Haven't had but 3 hrs. sleep in the last 48 hrs. so I'm totally exhausted and really don't need this right now. Would rather face memories in a support group than home alone, but I guess I don't get to make that call. Was able to muster the strength to tell a long time abuser never to contact me again, not that nicely though. Doc was proud of me for finally doing it and it did release some stress. So these memories caught me off guard. But that's the way it's worked in the past, whenever I've learned one of them has either moved so far away they can't hurt me or they've died, the memories of their abuse has flooded me.
Maybe someone will be able to chat with me soon.
Stay Calm, Stay Sane, Memories Can't Physically Hurt You.
Think that's going to be my motto for a while.
Good NightView Thread
Posted byFemfatal
I'm on .25mg Risperidone 4 times daily for the next 6 weeks. There are no support groups active at this time due to the holidays, they won't start back up until after the New Year. What a bummer, this is the hardest time of the year for me and a lot of others!
Tears are flowing again tonight as memories are flooding back and I can't control them. Haven't had but 3 hrs. sleep in the last 48 hrs. so I'm totally exhausted and really don't need this right now. Would rather face memories in a support group than home alone, but I guess I don't get to make that call. Was able to muster the strength to tell a long time abuser never to contact me again, not that nicely though. Doc was proud of me for finally doing it and it did release some stress. So these memories caught me off guard. But that's the way it's worked in the past, whenever I've learned one of them has either moved so far away they can't hurt me or they've died, the memories of their abuse has flooded me.
Maybe someone will be able to chat with me soon.
Stay Calm, Stay Sane, Memories Can't Physically Hurt You.
Think that's going to be my motto for a while.
Good NightView Thread
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Reply: The eternal battle?
PS. My son suffers from depression as does she. He and his now wife dated 7 years before...
Posted by Femfatal
PS.
My son suffers from depression as does she. He and his now wife dated 7 years before they married. They have learned about depression together and have supported each other through their ups and downs. Their both college grads, he works full time and she's a full time mom expecting their third child in April; (1 boy, 1 girl, 1?
They own a home, 2 cars, 2 dogs, 2 cats, and 2 guinea pigs and run a non-for profit charity providing free birthday cakes for underprivileged children and seniors.
Their lifes are proof you can live a full and productive life even with depression, just got to keep your priorities straight.View Thread
Posted byFemfatal
My son suffers from depression as does she. He and his now wife dated 7 years before they married. They have learned about depression together and have supported each other through their ups and downs. Their both college grads, he works full time and she's a full time mom expecting their third child in April; (1 boy, 1 girl, 1?
They own a home, 2 cars, 2 dogs, 2 cats, and 2 guinea pigs and run a non-for profit charity providing free birthday cakes for underprivileged children and seniors. Their lifes are proof you can live a full and productive life even with depression, just got to keep your priorities straight.View Thread
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Reply: The eternal battle?
I've read some of your post, you've got a good head on your shoulders. How long has this...
Posted by Femfatal
I've read some of your post, you've got a good head on your shoulders. How long has this been going on and have you seen a doctor to rule out physical possibilities for your depression?
I've been down this road most my life, but depression is different for everyone. You have to take into account what triggered it, does it run it the family, what are your symptoms and these are things that while some on this board may be able to help you sort through, it's my opinion, a doctor should be your first stop. Hormones and some minor medical conditions will cause symptoms of depression. A simple thyroid or birth control pill could lighten your day, if those hormones are unbalanced.
But if it is a depression or mood disorder, there's help there also. The happiest day of my life was when I looked my son in the eye and told him, "I use to roll my eyes at those commericals that claimed depression could be controled, but it's true, there is life after depression."
You just got to what it bad enough to fight for it. Be honest with your doctors about what's happening, what works & what doesn't. As for close family & trusted friends there are pamphlets at most drug stores, clinics or counselors (including school) offices that you can pick up to help them understand.
You didn't say how old you where, but take it from an old lady, if you're still in school don't worry about the boyfriend, there will be another, and another...lol. I know he's important to you, but right now you come first, not him. Work on feeling better and if he's really worth it, he'll stick around or come back around when you know who you are and are confident enough to be who you are and not who he wants you to be. That's the only type of relationship that really last in the long run.
Be WellView Thread
Posted byFemfatal
I've been down this road most my life, but depression is different for everyone. You have to take into account what triggered it, does it run it the family, what are your symptoms and these are things that while some on this board may be able to help you sort through, it's my opinion, a doctor should be your first stop. Hormones and some minor medical conditions will cause symptoms of depression. A simple thyroid or birth control pill could lighten your day, if those hormones are unbalanced.
But if it is a depression or mood disorder, there's help there also. The happiest day of my life was when I looked my son in the eye and told him, "I use to roll my eyes at those commericals that claimed depression could be controled, but it's true, there is life after depression."
You just got to what it bad enough to fight for it. Be honest with your doctors about what's happening, what works & what doesn't. As for close family & trusted friends there are pamphlets at most drug stores, clinics or counselors (including school) offices that you can pick up to help them understand.
You didn't say how old you where, but take it from an old lady, if you're still in school don't worry about the boyfriend, there will be another, and another...lol. I know he's important to you, but right now you come first, not him. Work on feeling better and if he's really worth it, he'll stick around or come back around when you know who you are and are confident enough to be who you are and not who he wants you to be. That's the only type of relationship that really last in the long run.
Be WellView Thread
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Includes Expert Content
Reply: Wellbutrin
Depends on a lot of factors, your pharmacist would be a good person to ask especially with...
Posted by Femfatal
Depends on a lot of factors, your pharmacist would be a good person to ask especially with all the other medications you take.
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Reply: What do you do about no motivation?
If it's that bad,reporting the situation to HR is a must. If you're fired, file for...
Posted by Femfatal
If it's that bad,reporting the situation to HR is a must. If you're fired, file for unemployment, with the report on file, and make sure they put it on file, you have a chance at getting benefits. Also sue for wrongful termination, there are lawyers who take cases without fee unless they win so if they take your case you've got a good one. (Make sure to read their contract!)
If you haven't gotten medical help yet, do so, you will need to prove your case, they will not take your word for your conditions, they must be documents and if necessary, under treatment. With that under your belt and time on job, she doesn't have a leg to stand on, at least not in my state, speaking as a former employer.
If you quit, give a written notice of required time, you will at some point in your life want another job and regardless of what has happened there time on job, achievements on the job & giving adequate notice will look good on a resume. Anything else can be explained if asked about.
As to the theft of your Visa, if you reported it quickly enough that amount should be covered, check with your bank.
And you don't have all bad luck, you've got family, friends and a man who loves you and their all there wanting to help, you're far from alone, be Thankful.
Be WellView Thread
Posted byFemfatal
If you haven't gotten medical help yet, do so, you will need to prove your case, they will not take your word for your conditions, they must be documents and if necessary, under treatment. With that under your belt and time on job, she doesn't have a leg to stand on, at least not in my state, speaking as a former employer.
If you quit, give a written notice of required time, you will at some point in your life want another job and regardless of what has happened there time on job, achievements on the job & giving adequate notice will look good on a resume. Anything else can be explained if asked about.
As to the theft of your Visa, if you reported it quickly enough that amount should be covered, check with your bank.
And you don't have all bad luck, you've got family, friends and a man who loves you and their all there wanting to help, you're far from alone, be Thankful.
Be WellView Thread
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Reply: Scared
Thanks for the encouragement. Asking for help has always been hard. I was raised watching...
Posted by Femfatal
Thanks for the encouragement.
Asking for help has always been hard. I was raised watching Soap Orpa's where everything is fixed in 30 to 60 minutes, Prince Charmining always arrives on time & everyone lives happily ever after. This was my mom's world and the reason I haven't watched TV for 30 years!
I've always "showed" people what they wanted to see to the best of my ability. "I'm fine, I can handle any job you throw at me without help, don't worry about me." Problem with that is, I can't, but now everyone expects it cause that's what I've potraited all my life, they don't know how to take it when I need help & think it's "just a phase, give her a few & she'll be fine". I was being mentally abused, overworked & taken for granted in my past circumstances & didn't have the ability to cope. As my health declined I knew I had to move on. So while I perfer to keep my life organized, focused & calm; I'm in a new home with hopefully someday, new friends who will know who I am. ( As soon as I do that is!) My current bout of depression began years before this move so while I know it didn't cause this "flare up" it certainly hasn't helped either. It was a trade off I had to make.
As for your bi-line, I've tried motivational therapy, instead of dealing with the issues and for a while it really does work, but sooner or later the demons catch up and I'm left with "What Now?".
Be WellView Thread
Posted byFemfatal
Asking for help has always been hard. I was raised watching Soap Orpa's where everything is fixed in 30 to 60 minutes, Prince Charmining always arrives on time & everyone lives happily ever after. This was my mom's world and the reason I haven't watched TV for 30 years!
I've always "showed" people what they wanted to see to the best of my ability. "I'm fine, I can handle any job you throw at me without help, don't worry about me." Problem with that is, I can't, but now everyone expects it cause that's what I've potraited all my life, they don't know how to take it when I need help & think it's "just a phase, give her a few & she'll be fine". I was being mentally abused, overworked & taken for granted in my past circumstances & didn't have the ability to cope. As my health declined I knew I had to move on. So while I perfer to keep my life organized, focused & calm; I'm in a new home with hopefully someday, new friends who will know who I am. ( As soon as I do that is!) My current bout of depression began years before this move so while I know it didn't cause this "flare up" it certainly hasn't helped either. It was a trade off I had to make.
As for your bi-line, I've tried motivational therapy, instead of dealing with the issues and for a while it really does work, but sooner or later the demons catch up and I'm left with "What Now?".
Be WellView Thread
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