It's everything really. I'm currently not in school, I had to take the semester off because I couldn't pay for my classes and I know school is so important to my mom and I feel like I'm disappointing her. I don't even have a job, I keep looking and find nothing. When I thought I found one, it ended up being a scam. I live with my bf and his parents so he's the only friend I have in this new town. And last week we hit a rough patch. I love him, he's everything to me, my other half exactly, and he's so good to me.
The day I met him my intuition told me we'd get married. But I found out that he'd been keeping secrets from me since we met. He slept with some girl before we started dating and that's not what bugs me. It's that I saw her before and I felt like they were too close to be just friends. I asked him after we met if he had slept with her and he said no. After a few months he told me he slept with someone once (before we were together) but didn't say her name. Last week I saw her on his fb and asked again if it was her. He finally admitted it.And then he admitted it was more than once. But claimed it meant nothing and he was just a college kid trying to get laid...
Then a few days later I found fb messages (from before we were together) saying "I love you", "I miss you", "baby"...about how they went to harvard square together (where he frequently took me) and I was devastated. The whole time that I was waiting on him to decide if he wanted to date me, crying myself to sleep for months, he was out with her. And it feels like he couldn't decide if he liked her more than me. Now I know he doesn't care about her (at least, not anymore) but it still hurts to remember those nights, crying, and now knowing where he was and what he was doing. I know he feels awful and didn't tell me so I wouldn't get hurt, and I forgive him. But I will never forget.View Thread
This is my first time joining an online support group. I just got tired of writing my feelings down and not having another person to talk to. I feel better today but it really varies. Somedays I feel fine, and others I feel so awful and empty. Usually, no matter how good I feel, I always end up feeling so much worse towards the end of the day. At night I lie awake and just think. And I cry silently so I won't wake anyone. I think it's better for me to talk to discreet people who can relate to how I feel so I don't feel like such a Debbie Downer to others.View Thread