
Feeling a little down today
I am feeling a little down today, but trying to keep busy. I have to keep sitting down...
Posted by boots79
I am feeling a little down today, but trying to keep busy. I have to keep sitting down though because I keep getting shaky. I hope it is me just getting used to the meds again. Other than that things are ok. My cats are happy to have me home and so am I. I missed them so much. Well have to go switch out my laundry.View Thread
Posted byboots79
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Reply: Please share: ONE THING!
I went to taco bell with a friend. It was much better than hospital food and I had a good...
Posted by boots79
I went to taco bell with a friend. It was much better than hospital food and I had a good time.View Thread
Posted byboots79
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Reply: TRIGGER* stuck on the edge *TRIGGER
feeling a lot better now, but feeling a little disoriented because I am adjusting to the...
Posted by boots79
feeling a lot better now, but feeling a little disoriented because I am adjusting to the meds. I remembered to take them today too. I was so happy to have my first caffeinated drink today but I wasn't able to drink much of it lol. Oh well don't really need it any.View Thread
Posted byboots79
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Reply: TRIGGER* stuck on the edge *TRIGGER
Hey. Just got out of the hospital and doing much better. I am back on my meds now too.
Posted by boots79
Hey. Just got out of the hospital and doing much better. I am back on my meds now too.View Thread
Posted byboots79
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Reply: TRIGGER* stuck on the edge *TRIGGER
still not doing good I have been sleeping a whole lot. I just woke up and it is almost 6pm...
Posted by boots79
still not doing good I have been sleeping a whole lot. I just woke up and it is almost 6pm and I am ready to go back to bed. I am just tired and wore out and i don't want to do anything or be around anyone. I have home work due tomarrow for my art class and second draft to my reasearch paper due tue and i haven't touch them. I have't ate, I am barely drinking enough. I just don't care right now and it sucks.View Thread
Posted byboots79
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Reply: not taking meds
I don't know why but when I look at my med i feel so sick to my stomach. I know I need to...
Posted by boots79
I don't know why but when I look at my med i feel so sick to my stomach. I know I need to take them because when I don't I get really depressed and want to cut or worst. I was diagnosed with bipolar, borderline personality disorder, and post traumatic stress disorder. They have me on five meds. lithium, welbuterin, buspar, celexa, and seriquil. U am also on 5 medical meds which I haven't been taking either for the same reason. I know it is in my head but I can't help it.View Thread
Posted byboots79
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Reply: TRIGGER* stuck on the edge *TRIGGER
I know I should be honest with my dr.'s but I can't. I don't understand why I can't ask for...
Posted by boots79
I know I should be honest with my dr.'s but I can't. I don't understand why I can't ask for help when people get to know me better or when they begin to be proud of me. I don't even understand why it is so hard to take my meds. I know I should, but I look at them and feel sick. I feel so mixed up inside, so conflicted. Part of me wants to be able to talk to the people who know me and want to help, but I am so scared I am frozen. the only time I have ever had faith in myself is when I help others, but then I get so wrapped up in their life and needs I don't pay atention to my own. I don;t want to look at me and what I need. it makes me feel selfish and undeserving. most of the time I feel like I deserved the abuse I suffered as a child sometimes I even think I should be hurt again and that scares me more. I have even put myself in positions where it was posible to be hurt. why do I do all of this. I finaly have my own apatment, doing well in school, and have people proud of me, but I hurt so much and can't accept any of it.View Thread
Posted byboots79
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TRIGGER* stuck on the edge *TRIGGER
[Trigger] I feel like I am stuck on a ledge and don't know what to do. Everyone thinks I am doing...
Posted by boots79
[Trigger] I feel like I am stuck on a ledge and don't know what to do. Everyone thinks I am doing great. I have impressed my counselors and dr's on how "well" I am doing. Yea I am in college now but I only did it because I want people to be proud of me and because everyone kept telling me I needed to do something. I am doing well grade wise but I feel like such a fake. I don't want to be there. I have panic attacks every day but hide it so well no one notices anymore. The only reason I keep pushing through it is because I don't want to disapoint everyone. They seam so happy with me. I lie every time I go to my apointmets about how proud of myself I am and I even lie about taking my meds. I haven't taken them in a while. every time I look at them I get so sick to my stomach. I have even put them away so I don't have to look at them anymore. Everyone is so happy that I have been losing weight too, but they don't know. I don't eat much any more and what I do eat isn't good for me at all. I have gotten so good at telling lies that i even do it to myself. I tell myself I am not angry at the people who have hurt me so much and that they realy didn't turn their back on me when I need them. The truth is they did and I am so angry. but I pretend and I don't know why. Why is it I have to have everyone elses aproval. Why cant I belive in myself and be happy at that. Why cant I live for myself instead of everyone else. The truth is i hate myself right now. If I wasn't so afraid of disapointing everyone i would be cutting right now or worse. I don't know what to do. I am scared. It is easy to rant here because no one know who I am. but to face my dr.'s and the people around me I am such a cowered. so here I am stuck on my ledge unable to go forward or backward. know that at any sencond the slightest brease will know me down. In some way's I pray it does. sad right!View Thread
Posted byboots79
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TRIGGER* stuck on the edge *TRIGGER
I feel like I am stuck on a ledge and don't know what to do. Everyone thinks I am doing...
Posted by boots79
I feel like I am stuck on a ledge and don't know what to do. Everyone thinks I am doing great. I have impressed my counselors and dr's on how "well" I am doing. Yea I am in college now but I only did it because I want people to be proud of me and because everyone kept telling me I needed to do something. I am doing well grade wise but I feel like such a fake. I don't want to be there. I have panic attacks every day but hide it so well no one notices anymore. The only reason I keep pushing through it is because I don't want to disapoint everyone. They seam so happy with me. I lie every time I go to my apointmets about how proud of myself I am and I even lie about taking my meds. I haven't taken them in a while. every time I look at them I get so sick to my stomach. I have even put them away so I don't have to look at them anymore. Everyone is so happy that I have been losing weight too, but they don't know. I don't eat much any more and what I do eat isn't good for me at all. I have gotten so good at telling lies that i even do it to myself. I tell myself I am not angry at the people who have hurt me so much and that they realy didn't turn their back on me when I need them. The truth is they did and I am so angry. but I pretend and I don't know why. Why is it I have to have everyone elses aproval. Why cant I belive in myself and be happy at that. Why cant I live for myself instead of everyone else. The truth is i hate myself right now. If I wasn't so afraid of disapointing everyone i would be cutting right now or worse. I don't know what to do. I am scared. It is easy to rant here because no one know who I am. but to face my dr.'s and the people around me I am such a cowered. so here I am stuck on my ledge unable to go forward or backward. know that at any sencond the slightest brease will know me down. In some way's I pray it does. sad right!View Thread
Posted byboots79
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