The Dr I was seeing about 5 yes ago diagnosed me with possible dissociative disorder. I still don't understand where that came from, but I can say for certain I have bounced back and forth with bi-polar all my life and I'm 54 and just now getting the help I need. It took a long time for me to admit i had a problem. Sometimes I thought my life was surreal and someone else was living it. I can't say I understand what is happening with you. I can say I'm glad you're getting help. You need to trust someone and right now your friends can only be your friends. One day they'll understand. Until then trust your Dr. He or she will be there for you. Start a journal, tell yourself to write in it even if it is one of your alters. It will help with the communication you need to understand those missed times. It helps me understand my severe mood swings so I know what makes me flip switches. For me it is called cycling. And it is nice knowing what makes me change. It helps me to know why. It may help you. I know I've talked a lot here. I didn't want to talk your ears off, but I felt in my heart the need to say this to you. Your not alone. We may have different diagnoses, but we know how it feels to leave yourself behind and not know why. Take care, listen to your Dr and your heart and you'll start making sense at of all of it. Bless you, young lady! You'll make it.View Thread
I appreciate your words of support and your prayers. I see my specialist on Tuesday. Mainly for a new problem caused by Physical Therapy. I'm far, far away from quitting. And I work with my doctors to fight through pain and depression. It isn't impossible for me, but I will be starting Aquatics for Arthritis soon. Maybe I can take off enough weight to avoid pain killers or surgery for bulging or ruptured/dessicated discs in my back. It is slow but one step at a time is all I can do. I'm at my darkest and am terrified of all my illnesses, but they aren't going to stop me. I still pray and I thank you again for yours. It's a blessing and it helps.View Thread
My hobbies are reading, and crosstitching. I have arthritis in my hands. Try it you might like it. Your response sounds so sarcastic. Not all of us are physically capable of doing what we love. I thank you for your advice, I wish I could do it. Good luck to you.View Thread
Sometimes I wonder about why I'm on this earth. I have too many illnesses, too much pain, and even though family stick by me and help I wonder why. I feel alone in a crowd and forsaken by God and Goddess. I keep praying and hoping I'll get better and not be a burden, but it's so hard to hold up my head and not be embarrassed by what I have become. I take steps to better me and just as soon as I do I get slapped back. I know miracles happen, but when illness ruins your birthday, it sure is disheartening. Please pray for me and maybe I can see my own miracle that can be shared by others like me. Maybe I can help them.View Thread
Thank you for your kind words. They mean a lot. I have a very dear friend I haven't seen in 19 yrs. 12/24/93 he and my husband got into an accident and my husband passed 2 monyhs later from pneumonia complications. I read a couple thongs he wrote on FB and realized I can't stay BAH HUMBUG. Not with him. He is hurting worse than I am for same reason. I reached out and emailed.
This season scares me. It makes me more depressed. I try to hide it from my grandkids (I live with them and my daughter.) I'm not going to do anything stupid, yet I feel so disheartened when the pettiness of civilization rears its head. I want to lash out. I want to scream til everyone realizes this is a celebration of life, love, family. The only problem is that they won't hear it. They're oblivious to the actual feelings. Money all wise and wonderful blinds and deafens even the youngest. My heart is sad for them. Maybe they'll wake up one day and realize that love is is so much more rich.
Merry Christmas to all that read this. Hug and kiss one another you just don't know how long you have. Make it worthwhile.View Thread
Does anyone even appreciate this holiday anymore? I'm really beginning to wonder. Banks won't let you use your money, family treat you like crap, all it is is me me me, mine mine mine. When adults have no manners and treat children like dirt or vice versa you begin to understand how our government got out of control. commercialism is on the rise. There are no family values cuz schools teach your kids to yell abuse when being disciplined. I'm 53, I say please thankyou excuse me and I'm sorry alot cuz I need to ride electric carts and I don't want to be in anyone's way. But other adults my age can chew out children just for being around.
There is a lot in my life I feel guilty for, even thankful for. My depression That I've suffered with for most of my life actually is getting better. Yet I can't help but feel sad that there are so many people out there who truly have no clue about common decency. It's enough to depress you if you weren't already there. I'm so sad for the people in our civilized world. No wonder some don't want to be around for this time of year. This time of year is too cut throat for the people who need and cannot find someone to be with. I've contemplated it and I still am.
I was just texting my ex-husband about he felt about something I wrote in facebook. My ex Joe thinks our son is making the same mistakes he did. My son is making his own and they are different. Very different. He is standing by his ex wife who is a pathologic liar, mentally unstable, hooker at times, hates my daughter for absolutely no reason we can think of, is always in pain and looking for drugs cuz drs wont prescribe any. But now above all else we find out she has cancer in her last ovary. i feel bad for her, i even feel sorry for her. Yet after she leaves the man she left my son for they get back together. Jeez oh pete she makes me angry. I'm depressed cuz he won't listen to the truth and is still with her.
Then I talked to Joe and realized, my son is going after what he wants and I truly believe they love one another. He isn't doing anything more than I have always wanted to do. I want my love back in my life, even if he's just my friend. Is it so bad to feel the depression you've felt for 30 years could be based on something so simple. I feel almost like its too late to be friends, but my love for him has never died, and it never will. I just have to keep it to myself.
I cried more for him in critical condition than I did when my 2nd husband died. Its a really screwy world we live in and I feel like I'm screwing it up more. Only cuz when I get emotional it upsets my daughter. I can't even tell her what I've said in here. She'd really be pissed, I'd cry more, then feel guilty and more depressed for upsetting her.
If anyone can help me figure this out, I'd appreciate itView Thread
She will be moving soon. It seems like it can't be soon enough. My daughter and I talked and we have decided that it is going to be an extreme emergency before we open our home again. We're looking forward to having her kids, husband, herself, and I in the home. We are doing for ourselves and we feel it will be a welcome relief.
I don't think she will ever grow up. She whines all the time about pain and needing narcotics. I think she just feels the need to be the center of attention; and it irritates us no end. We are trying to stay adults, but she could test the patience of a saint. It's hard to remain calm and rational. The serenity poem stays in my mind and God is not going to give us more than we can handle. We are survivors so we will be okay. Time is on our side.
Thank you for your message. It's nice to know that someone understands.
Recently my daughter allowed my ex-daughter-in-law to temporarily move in with her family and I. We did this cuz she was being mentally abused in front of her children by her mom. It was done for the kids, nothing else. Since then we have been lied to, taken advantage of, and in general disrespected. The situation is getting unbearable. She has an appointment set up to get state assisted housing.
Tonight all hell broke loose between my daughter, son-in-law, ang their children. The disrespect is rearing its ugly head within us. I can't help but get the feeling that we aren't going to last as a family much longer. Kids or no, are family is hurting each other and ourselves. I know I cannot control the situation, but other than kicking them out and making an enemy of my son, I just don't know how to help. I'm trying to talk to my grandchildren, 7 & 10, to help them understand why mommy is so mad and trying to get my daughter to understand who is the 'devil' in all of this is. I know I'm not up against a wall, but I'm starting to lose hope and that has never happened to me before. I'm depressed over many things in my life, yet I don't want us to fail as a family. We all hurt! AND that all by itself is depressing. I just got back on meds and have a tenuous hold on my sanity at best.
I just need to be reassured that this will get better--that I'm not fighting fruitlessly.
Your prayers and good wishes are needed desperately.View Thread
Thank you! It may sound weird to some, but it does help to be reminded that we are not alone in this world. Your ideas on how to cope will help. I just need to work thru the pain a bit more and get some outside activity started. Thanks for the X and O. Everyone needs them and I send some back. I'm crying again but for good feelings this yime.Can't say thank you enough. Bless you!View Thread