I like to use an example to enlighten people about this idea that we can 'SNAP OUT IT" when referring to depression.
I simply ask, would you ever expect someone with diabetes to simply "snap out of it",
The answer is always NO, they would not expect anyone to "snap out" of diabetes.
Then, just explain that depression is the same exact thing - a disease - the body isn't making the right balance of chemicals...much like diabetes. Both diseases cause severe symptoms. Most people get it after that analogy. It helps them understand that depression is an illness and we can't "snap out of it" no matter how much we would LOVE TO!!!
My heart goes out to you. I know how you feel. It's awful. If the sadness won't relent, and it's there more days than not, medication is better than suffering so much. What makes you feel "different"? Just curious. Does that refer to taking the meds or the depression/sadness. It's just a disease - but far too often people who don't suffer it think we should just be able to "snap out of it" I explain it to people in my life by asking, nicely, if they would ever expect someone in a diabetic coma to "snap out of it" and the answer, of course, is always no. Then I explain depression is the same exact thing. My body isn't making the right combination of chemicals to keep it properly balances. For a diabetic the balance has to do with insulin....for those with depression it is other chemicals....similar proble, different organ. Same thing - a disease. I hope you find your way out of depression. If meds it what it takes, go get them. I wish I didn't have to take them. Right now I'm going through withdrawal from effexor/venlaflexine. Whatever you do....don't take effexor. You get massive depressive episodes if you miss a few doses, and then when you decide to go off of them, you have to endure terrible withdrawal symptoms. I had great luck with prozac. I wish I never switched. But every body is different. Effexor seems to have many, many people with the same complaint - so e warry of that one. Best of luck to you, SuzianView Thread
What is an orgasm? Sorry, my weak attempt at depression humor. I've been on antidepressants for so much of my life, and have had no lover for the rest. I think I can count all the orgasms I've had on two hands. I hear you. Wish they could figure out how to get rid of this lousy side effect. No O's 4 me, Suzian View Thread
Hi - I read your post and it reminds me about how as women we are so inclined to live for others, do for others, deny ourselves. I don't know why, but it seems like we tend to do this. I read how you have sacrificed so much for him, supported him, and now you can see where you may end up with nothing after all of this help and support you've given. I see the same thing in myself. I think this kind of thing leads to feelings of despair and depression. I recently had a nice conversation with my cousin. She has been working an alanon program for many years. Talking with he got me thinking about attending some alanon meetings. I'm sharing this with you because something about your post makes me think about that program. I went many years ago and found it so helpful. I wonder if there might be something there for you? maybe look up online to see if there are meetings near to you can check a few out - quietly - for yourself. I think as women we need to do MORE for ourselves. Maybe we need to get a wee bit more selfish for healthy reasons. Living for everyone else all the time, helping everyone else while we neglect our own needs and then we wonder why our gas tank is on empty and we feel so spent, worn out, tears over flowing. Not sure if this will be helpful, or not. But I felt compelled to share. And, thank you for sharing. I'm trying to rebuild my own life. I feel depleated and totally spent. I'm trying to find my center, my strength. Maybe we women need to put more focus on ourselves at least some of the time. We deserve our own love too....right? Warmest Regards, SuzianView Thread
I'm reading your post and I'm thinking to myself....did I write this post and just don't remember doing it? WOW - I totally understand what you are describing and it is a very, very low, bad, sad, awful, empty, hollow, hopeless place. I get it. You are NOT alone. Others feel the exact same way. It really is so sad to feel like that. I felt that way all weekend. Today I feel a wee bit better. How long have you been feeling like this? Does it come and go? Have you kept any kind of record like marking a calender or something to see if there is a pattern to it? Or do you feel like this all the time? If you feel like that all the time, I think medication is on the menu. Or at least consider it. When we get that down and filled with despair, and feel so very isolated and un-loved and lonely....we need some help. I would be glad to correspond with you if you like. you can reach me at rantingmom@gmail. I'm here and I understand how it feels. Sometimes just not be ALONE in it can help. I know - it totally sucks!! SuzianView Thread
Hang in there!!! My Dad had cancer a few years back and it is very draining. It's good you are reaching out for support. Do you have any brothers or sisters to share the load with? Or does Mom have brothers or sisters that can help? I find writing all my thoughts and feelings into a journal very helpful. In a journal I can say anything and everything I feel, even the not so great stuff, the selfish stuff, the unpopular stuff....all of it. It can really help and you can use it anytime you need it - middle of the night to the middle of the day. I hope the best for you and your Mom. It is no fun what you are dealing with. I've been there. Hugs & Strength to you.... SuzianView Thread
Hi - I don't have a depressed spouse, but I understand depression as it runs in my family and I have suffered from it on and off for most of my adult life. I am 52 and female. I think I can help perhaps by trying to help you understand that it is an illness - it REALLY is and it is debilitating. It really sucks because, unlike other illnesses, people tend to think we should be able to "snap out of it" but people would never expect someone with diabetes to snap out of that. Something is out of balance chemically in the brain and the brain stops working. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, especially with two small children.
I'm curious, does you husband understand that he has an illness? Has he sought treatment for it? Does he talk about what brings it on for him....if anything? Some people get it in the winter only (SADS).
I'm honest with my son. Maybe you might feel better being honest with your kids. Daddy is sick, it's just a brain ache instead of a tummy ache. The worse thing about depression is that the exact things that might help us feel better are the exact things we feel totally incapable of doing (exercise for example). It takes away all motivation, drive, hope, enthusiasm, desire to do just about anything.
Has he talked to a doctor about it. Does he feel ashamed? It sounds like you feel ashamed of it. I encourage you to challenge that feeling. It's just an illness - period. There are drugs he can take for it that really work. I took Prozac and it really helped a great deal. I also took Effexor but I would CAUTION YOU do not let him take that one. It gives really awful withdrawal symptoms after missing only a dose or two. I was much happier with Prozac. There are many others. I would encourage you to take the time to do some online research on any drug your husband considers taking before taking it. Now adays we have to educate ourselves.
Try to remember it is just a disease. Sounds like you are beating yourself up for choosing a spouse with an illness. He may not have had it. It may have just started. Who knows. None of us are perfect. You may develop it at some point in your life too. Treat it like a disease because that is what it is. Get treatment for him. Make him go to the doctor. Make him face it. Is he at least aware that he has depression? How long does it last when it hits? Maybe keep a record in a calendar to see if there is a cycle to it. Maybe he has some childhood issues that are surfacing?
Sorry you have to deal with this. But is he a loyal, true husband? I'd rather a man with a treatable disease than a man without a conscious or a cheater.
Dear 783031 - Sounds like you are feeling really down about yourself. I know how that feels - it's an awful feeling. I think any feelings you have about sex are totally normal and natural as long as there is no one being harmed. Porn is okay. Maybe this is just your time to explore some of your sexual feelings. There is no shame. It is a natural, healthy part of being alive. Try not to judge yourself so harshly. I suspect you may not be getting lots of replies because people are just king of afraid of the subject. So much of sexuality is suppressed in our culture while being thrown in our face in every TV show, billboard and magazine. It can be very confusing. But try to give yourself a break. I don't know much about the feeling of needing to pee, but I would recommend you try to just let the feeling take its natural course. Sex is a natural, healthy part of being a living creature. Try to approach your feelings with curiosity and try to toss the shame and self loathing out the window. Maybe you were raised with some shame based messages about sex. I don't know. Sometimes keeping a journal can be helpful. I keep a journal when things are too hard for me to figure out. Writing it all out, for your eyes only, can be a very enlightening process. Perhaps give it a try. And enjoy yourself. It's okay.View Thread
There are many anti-depressant medications that cost $4 per month. I had good luck with Prozac. But I would caution you against effexor / venlaflexine as it has many side effects and intense and immediate withdrawal symptoms if you miss a dose. I took Prozac for many years and it worked very well and you can get the generic version for $4 per month. The worse side effect from prozac was loss of libido, but when you are so depressed and crying, it's worth the trade off. I did not experience any withdrawal symptoms when I went off of prozac aside from the return of my depression symptoms.
Do you live where the sun rarely is out in the winter? My depression is always worse in winter due to lack of sun. Vitamin D can help with that. If you can't stop crying, maybe medication is a good option. Depression is an awful illness. I've had it most of my life. Medication can be a life saver. Have you tried it yet? Also, vitamin B can also be helpful. Cutting back on sugar and salt, also can help. But, if you can't function and cry all the time, I'd suggest giving meds a try. They are cheap and they can give you your life back. They can get you out of that terrible funk so you can think again and make the rest of your decisions without the weight of depression oppressing you.
I understand! Depression is debilitating. Do you think you'd be open to trying medication? Are you thinking about wanting to die from the depression? Have you lost hope? Do you feel like you have no energy to do anything? Do the things that used to make you happy now make you feel sad?