One of the first thoughts I had after reading your post is "communication between you and your wife"..... I get the impression that you and your wife are not really talking, communicating with each other....like you just live in the same house, more like roommates. You guys need to sit down and have a "heart-to-heart" conversation ..... really be honest about feelings and what's happening/not happening in your relationship.....these types of conversations are tough, but you've got to face it eventually.
I've been divorced for a very long time, so I'm a little out of touch with married life. As you said, you have sacrificed much for your wife, for your family. What do you want for the rest of your life? Do you want your marriage to work? Have you thought about seeing a marriage counselor?
I'm sorry you feel lost...it's a horrible feeling. I think it would be a good idea for you to find a liscensed counselor .... one you really "click" with (sometimes you have to go through a few before you find one that you feel comfortable with).
You can count me as a friend I've just recently found this community. I'm trying to check the site at least twice a day. I think I may have exchanged with you in another discussion...not sure, but I think so.
As one who has lived with clinical depression most of my adult life, I have a love/hate relationship with it's emotional darkness. Sometimes I believe that the darkness serves to protect me and keep me safe until I have the strength to journey back to the light. Other times I feel the darkness is a miry bog that slowly sucks the life out of me.
For me, the protective darkness is sleep. It would take me a life time to calculate all the hours I've slept in order to continue living, rather existing. "Oh to sleep per chance to dream".....sorry, not sure who said this -- somebody help me remember --- was it Shakespeare that wrote this? Sadly, I rarely remember my dreams. Sleep is my cacoon ---- I'm wrapped warm in my blankets, and I can escape the utter agony of being awake in the black, miry bog I call languishment.
Somehow, someway I've always come through the bog --- after years of existing in the languishment, after five (at least) suicide attempts, after years of medication (THANK GOD FOR ALL THE SCIENTISTS, CHEMISTS, DOCTORS, AND OH DON'T FORGET THE GINNY PIGS .....somehow, someway I get back to the light --- the place where the air is light and shiny, where I feel light and shiny, a place where I sleep like a baby, and I wake up all clean, fresh and shiny
As you, my brothers and sisters of the miry bog, and I know, the bright and shiny days are few and far between because we live with an illness, a disease that causes more emotional darkness than it does emotional light.
This brings me to my desire for this discussion I'm opening --- I would love to know the little steps, the little actions, the tiny movements that help you get back to the light. Because, you see, what you share with me and with others may be the little, tiny movement that saves my life when I'm drowning in the miry bog ..... or saves your brother or sister.
>> COLORING IN A COLORING BOOK <<
>> PICKING FLOWERS <<
>> ARRANGING FLOWERS IN A VASE <<
>> SITTING IN THE SUNSHINE LIFTING MY FACE TO THE SUN <<
Wellbutrin is not an SSRI, but it is used to treat depression. It tends to suppress appetitie. I used it years ago, and it was effective --- I had to stop using it because I was unable to increase the dosage because of side effects I could not tolerate.
Talk w/ your psychiatrist. Our brain chemistries are as varied as our brains --- Wellbutrin may work for you!
Yep, an 18 month old can definitely keep you busy. It does take your mind off yourself a little, right
Several years back I was watching my nephew --- he was coloring in a coloring book --- I picked up the crayons and began coloring ---- well, I continued the coloring for over a year --- the coloring really helped me --- it calmed me --- it was simple and I was able to finish one page at a time
I was in the hospital (psychiatric ward) in 2009 --- what do you think they had in the activity/community room? Yes, crayons and coloring pages. I worked on a page while I was there --- I would listen to the people around me while I colored --- the activity brought me so much peace! The picture is now hanging in my home studio --- it's one of my favorite pieces --- it's bright, lots of color, and it makes me smile. I remember all the beautiful, hurting souls who shared that short time with me in the hospital.
Maybe you can do some fun stuff w/ the little fellow running around you ---- finger painting is really fun --- putting your fingers in the paint and squeezing it between your fingers
I believe you know the answer to your question If your doctor is not listening to you, don't you think you need to find a doctor who will listen? Have you seen a psychiatrist? Who diagnosed you with depression?
I encourage you to learn all you can about depression! It is a serious medical brain illness/disease --- there is no cure, there is only treatment.
Stay strong --- keep fighting for yourself to get the best medical help you need!
You are not a failure! There are so many stigmas about mental illness, and it makes it difficult to talk with family and friends. I encourage you to learn as much as you can about our disease. I've recently found a web site that helps dealing with stigmas of mental illness --- it's called BringChange2Mind --- I hope you will visit the site and I hope it helps you!
I have clinical (severe) depression --- have had it most of my adult life.
I don't have answers for you, but I'd like to ask you some questions to help you --- asking them helps me too
Is your Dr a psychiatrist? Is there a support group in the area where you live? Are you going to be placed on medication?
When you feel comfortable and when you feel more informed about your depression ---- sit down with your husband, take his hand in yours, look into his eyes and tell him you need his help, love, support and understanding --- you have a disease/illness called clinical depression --- teach him about your illness that cannot be cured but can be treated --- if he loves you he will try to understand and want to learn what he can do to help you --- when you are ready I encourage you to have the same conversation with your family
Paige, I know it's hard, so very hard to cope with depression! You are on the right path --- you are seeking help to get better! Stay strong girlfriend
My heart goes out to you --- you've suffered much loss in a short amount of time.
I have clinical depression --- have had it most of my adult life. I do not have answers for you, but I'd like to ask you some questions to help you, and it helps me too
Have you thought about joining a support group? What about your hobbies or things you've loved in the past -- have you thought about picking those up again? I know how difficult it is to do the smallest task when you are depressed --- just picking up a piece of paper off the floor can require super human strength.
How long has it been since you sat in the sunshine? --- just sit and let the sun shine on your face. How long has it been since you wrote a thank you note or just a thinking of you letter to a friend?---- I can see you enjoy writing and expressing yourself --- Do you keep a journal?
What about volunteering? How long has it been since you laughed? --- find someone or something that makes you laugh. How long has it been since you colored in a coloring book? --- you can do this with your grand kids --- it helped me to color when I was in the hospital being treated for depression.
I know it's hard, it is so very hard --- but try, try, try --- set little goals for yourself to achieve and be proud of yourself when you achieve them --- for example: set a goal to write three notes to friends every day --- or a goal to sit in the sunshine for at least 10 min each day. Be proud of the little things you accomplish.
Never forget how precious you are --- your daughter loves you enough to invite you to come live with her
Let me know how you are doing --- I'll try to think of some more questions for you my friend