A simple bike ride, and then talking something out for five or ten minutes and just telling the person "I have to talk about this in small segments" can allow you to go take a walk, get something to eat, sleep a night or two and then talk again. But don't drive if you're in the midst of working through something because you can end up getting a citation or a hurting somebody by driving with emotion.
"im trying to go back in my quite time w/ the Lord,you know just reading the word of God and prayer.thanks for reading this." - That's awesome! Something I do - is God's time in the morning. This is part of it. I sign onto here as the first thing I do in the morning, and sometimes God's time takes a while to get through, and pushes me behind on my stuff. I just have to take it up with God later that day if I can't get my stuff done. But every morning, I spend at least 10 minutes focusing on what God is calling me to do for that day. Often, God calls something I didn't expect or schedule in, and it takes me more than an hour to get through it, but I try to get through it before I move on to what items I have scheduled in. For this reason, i recommend to many that they take God's time as the sun is coming up and at least a hr before they need to close out and begin to prepare to get ready for work.
I feel you reaching out to me, and I feel me only giving you advice and not confiding very much. Please forgive me. I am not a person that has the ability to confide online, but the way you reach out is very loving. You will be fine. list out the ideas for steps I have you, take a nap, and start fresh with that list. When you go online, avoid facebook and social media and when you read these responses, read, respond to who is talking to you, and then get off quick. Don't let it take your day. Don't let anything take your day but you and God and those people God has put into your live to love View Thread
"Do you find God you know that God's promise in the book of Ezekiel that he will take out the stony hearts and give us a new heart.?" - I am not well versed in Ezekiel. But if I were to respond just on what you have said, God giving us a new heart - here is what I think. I think that my spouse has a heart for homeless people, uneducated adults, etc. And I have a heart for others, such as teenagers, abused women, etc. I would venture to guess that a "new heart" would be a heart that sees more and more through the eyes of God. I don't see homeless people through the eyes of God. My spouse has pity on a homeless person. I have a little bit of understanding and I also have scorn. Seeing a person through the eyes of God would be something like seeing this person's soul, and the scorn doesn't just go away. You know the person's faults. But your understanding is bringing something even deeper than pity. It's bringing a true and pure love. Something I would have for a young kid being raised by a moron whereas my spouse may have for that moron. So we are different. We all fail in ways and fly in others. But again - I don't know anything about Ezekiel. I'm sorry. But thank you for asking!! I will remember you when I read the Old Testament, and turn to Ezekiel and study what you are saying.
"I know thats what i need just dont know how to start it." - There is always a path to move drastically forward. When you feel overwhelmed, think of it as though you are in the woods and everywhere you look is so foggy you can't see clearly, but if you keep looking, there is a spot that is not foggy at at. Then if you go to that spot, and step there (you have acomplished one thing) then another spot of fog will go away. Then you step there. Eventually all that fog will clear up. There is a spot that doesn't have fog and you know what it is. If you are in a catch 22, there are still many spots without fog that you can step and many things you can accomplish while the catch 22 has time to go in a particular direction. if you are in a catch 22, and you focus on the catch 22, you will feel doom and dread. let's say you are in a catch 22 regarding romance. Well, then lay the romance aside and work on career. If romance, career, and your health are all entangled into this catch 22, where you feel like you can't even breath - well, you're still alive - so you're breathing somehow! There is something that is still not the Catch 22. Find it. Do it. And find the next one. Do that. And some things will work themselves out while you're not even focused on them. I hate it when Men avoid everything to let things work themselves out. That's stupid! And cowardly! You are already stronger than that - I can see. You can find that spots, step there - and again - by step I mean accomplish something. Then find another item to accomplish, until it gets easier to see through the fog. Some steps you might try might be:
- organizing the kitchen cabinets - painting a wall - scrubbing the garage floor - buying something fun at Lowe's like something to organize the garage - planting some rose bushes - going to a park where there are little kids that play and watching them while reading a book
- playing catch with a dog
These all sound dumb but they help in times when you don't know what to do next. Then go to something more productive for your second step in that fog:
- applying for a new job - taking a little cousin out for ice cream
in times when you're really down, you need to step through the fog and let it lift up a bit before you do harder things:
- letting someone know about something they did to hurt you and asking if you can work through it with them - listing out trials you have been through
- talking with a family member who is upset with you
"that pain of rejection i had experienced long ago was going back to me again even though i am a christian now.i just dont know how to handle this i know God is up to something in me." - You can't just say God is working on something in you because you will find yourself surprised if you wait on things like humility, accepting responsibility, acting like Christ in every situation, understanding deep values of patience, kindness, protecting others, etc. Study love. Don't study Christianity as much as you study love because God is love and you will find find that peace that you are longing for. When God is working on you, you know it. You already know this. When you need rest, ask. "For when he asks he must believe and not doubt" because when you doubt, you will not feel the wind of the holy spirit and you will not be able to catch the messages God is delivering to you. For whatever reason, - this God or 6th sense or whatever is going on - speaks silently. I don't know why. I cry out and say, "God! This is ridiculous! You can't expect that man can hear these things! Why not just talk, like normal, where I can hear you?" A couple times, he has. And let me tell you - the voice of God at a whisper is so powerful that it is utterly terrifying. That might be why he doesn't speak. it's a calm cool handsome voice and makes your body go into shock. Our bodies are not equipped to handle the power of the living God. This is why you have to search for other ways to communicate and find the the Holy Spirit's directions.
I have seen the Holy Spirit say one thing for sure, and then I went on that path and wasn't the person that I should have been, so I messed up the relationship. Then I asked for direction and "God" was silent. Why? Because I was making my choices that didn't fall in line with the strength he had already instilled into me. I was giving in to fear, anxiety, selfishness, or whatever I was giving into - and the perfect path that was draw was not colored. So at that point, I had a choice. Was God going to tell me to go down this path. Not necessarily because I wasn't treating it for what it was, and the path would accomplish what it was supposed to or it might not depending on me. And God gives us that free will. That was one of the hardest answers I had ever received from God and I've received that moment twice. it's been heart breaking each time because you do feel that shame. here's the deal - though. Your shame has no place when you are forgiven by God. You can study what forgiveness is and where is comes from and how to receive forgiveness. I like to turn to the idea that by the same token in which we forgive, we will be forgiven. That usually concerns me. I'm not good at forgiveness. So what I have to do is stretch myself to my fullest capacity and love everyone I know to my fullest ability every moment. If I am harboring any resentment or anger towards a person, I have to find a time to go to them and reconcile with them in prayer. That is HARD!! It's so so so easy to preach, and so so so so so hard to do! But this is what kills that shame. Overcoming the fear of confrontation and stepping into loving in a way that you don't even understand - relying on God's power to step you through this relationship or experience until it's done. Gone. Not an issue anymore. And you can look back on it and smile. Not a forced smile but an inner peace. This is the strength that is aware to you when you cry out to God, when you claim Christianity, when you get baptized, when you believe in Christ and the Holy Spirit, and this strength doesn't fix your life by itself. It's there. But you have to figure out how to use it.
Hello Jians. Thank you for your comment and thank you more for reading through all of my responses on this particular subject. I know my responses have varied, and I can't take the time to type out everything every time, but the way I feel stays similar each time. Thank you for telling me you agree! I lack good empathy most situations involving adults above the age of 25, so I come off harsh, but I feel as though that this the best thing to get someone back on their feet. Each person is different. I am not sure about Christianity, though I respect it more than any other believe system and I believe that God gave Christianity as the story for us to understand how to love. So I mingle with Christians and categorize myself as one at times because I believe in a 6th sense which we call God or Allah and I believe Jesus Christ is the only Messiah and the Holy Spirit works today. I do not support all actions of the Christian church but believe that Christians gathering together in communion is good and that this gathering is a mix of those who truly believe and are delivering truth and those who are mislead temporarily by the need for love. I am so very grieved to hear about your mom! She obviously is suffering from a deep rooted pain. Pain is hard, but it can heal, and those scars can be used as energy to help others and no longer as reactions to emotions and attacks. Your experience has made you more hypersensitive to crime. Identifying exactly where that sensitivity is helps to know what to avoid! If you find it more comforting to avoid crime, then that's just a resting mechanism, so that your pain can heal. There's nothing wrong with resting. Sometimes God calls us to go out and work in the Kingdom. Other times, we need to rest to save the purity of our souls and understanding concerning how to treat others.
"i just felt i cant handle the emotion sometimes even it was just a quarrel between a couple" - have you ever been abused? That's what that sounds like to me.
"i kinda feel troubled already even i am not really related to the couple." - that's OK. This is your reaction to past trauma. You need to fix it. But you can't fix it overnight. It will take working through some things, and prayer.
"i know this was because of my experience w/ the parents. i am going through depression right now.i am spiritually down feeling guilty of my repetitive sins." I have heard of a book called The Shame Exchange. I have not read it but it may be good for guilt and not knowing how to overcome that and move forward in all situations. Shame is hard. What you have to do is love everybody to the best of your ability, and love yourself also for who you actually are. Find the most beautiful things within yourself and embellish on those and find the ugly things within yourself and work on those. There's a big difference between loving yourself for who you want to be and loving yourself for who you are. Sometimes we allow the benefit of the doubt for ourselves but not for others. That's not really a good way to build those relationships with those people and have a productive life.
"I also feel being alone though i know that there are people who really love me" - that's OK. When you learn to fly for the person God is calling you to be instead of for other people or yourself, you will not feel alone. You will find so much purpose that you will find a strength that must only come from God.
A person's true colors is what you're going to have to realize in order to calm down and trust. A person's true color's is a hard thing, though, and it takes time. It's a mix of who they are on their best days, worst days, and average days vs. who you are on all three of those. You add the three and divide it by three, maybeView Thread
usually a gangbang is 3-5 guys on 1 girl as I understand. I have never heard of a gay gangbang but I guess they happen. it could have been a joke. Guys can joke around like that. Abused people have real trust issues, and an abused woman has a hard time making a relationship work with a prince charming. Having too sweet of a guy usually ends up with the prince charming getting hurt. You need more of an alpha male who deserves to get some crap but would never abuse. Abused people have anger issues and burst outs of anger. An abused person that feels very uncomfortable about something specific flips out about stuff that they have no reason to flip out on necessarily. There may be items about your sex life that you are uncomfortable about that ruins the mood for him - just because you have been scarred and especially if you've been with more than one loser. The biggest flirts tend not to be the best guys. Sometimes it's the guys like that who can be abusive. But if a woman who has been abused is getting treated right, she can end up doing the abusing, through knee jerk reactions.View Thread
OK - now I see what the e-mail is about. That is something that definitely raises a red flag! Sounds like you need to know if it's true or not but I would keep quiet or build up so much honestly that he can tell you everything so that you know if it's true or not and play a game of manipulation in order to find out if it is true and then make your decision from there. Don't tease and encourage it, but build trust so that you aren't lied to. Don't be too demanding until you're ready to walk away but don't think that you have to pick up and walk away for everything either. For this e-mail - yes, I would think that considering leaving is reasonable - and only you will know the answer to that decision. Remember you make one good choice and then one bad choice. You're not making all good decisions yet so be careful and just make the best decision you can.View Thread
13. i going crazy - you need more independence so it doesn't effect you. You can't control what he does. You can only control the relationship. You can put work into the relationship or step away from the relationship. You can talk to him and communicate with him. etc. etc. etc. etc. but you can't control the e-mails he writes to people.
14. I have the right to freak out and demand that he stops - well look - you are saying "I don't want to lose him if it turns out to be my fault" so you don't know what's going on yet. You don't have the right to demand from him that he stops if you don't know what he is doing. You might - when he gets home - say, "I don't want to talk about it right now" and give it some time until you know what's going on.
15. If I find out he cheats on me... then give better sex. Be a better person. But there is no relationship that is going to succeed if you are worried about that and you know up front that if it does happen, you will leave. You can't be checking his e-mail for the rest of your lives to find out if he is loyal to you or not. it just won't work. You will draw up your own destiny by making him think you are crazy and then he will cheat on you whereas he maybe wouldn't have before.
16. There is nothing else wrong - just take it to a pre-martial counselor. You'll be fine. Pick a Chrisitan one. if you are talking about marriage, it's time to go anyway before you are engaged. Calm down. Not a big deal. You are over paranoid, but he needs to understand you so that he can undestand what kinds of things are going to freak you out and you need to understand him so that when you do freak out, you can not get scared and leave if he is a good guy. You are strong willed enough to leave. That's established. So keep that strong willed nature, but don't over use it