My family was in denial about depression when I first "came out" to them. I can empathize with what you are going through.
It is no wonder that you are deep in it considering the stress you have been under. Right now, no doubt, you can't see anything you can do to better your situation. As hard as it may be to hear, though, you can better your situation.
First, let's identify the endpoints that would make things better and then how to move toward them. Let's say right off the bat that all these things are easier said than done and that we know you will have days when you are crossing off wrong approaches rather than finding right ones.
1) Someone knowledgeable on your side.
2) Medication which will lift the veil of depression and help you take control.
3) A job to get you out of the house and give you money and independence.
4) A new found enjoyment of life.
Now for the steps to get there. Check with your local government to see what programs they have. Check with local churches to see what programs they have. Look in your local paper or internet listings for mental health awareness events. Check with your local hospitals. If all these things fail, call a nearby psychiatrist and ask for advice. I had been to a psychologist who was no help when I finally called my county government and asked for help. They sent me to the psychiatrist who took care of jailed prisoners! He tried 5 antidepressants on me until we found one that worked.
While you are looking for professional help, make a short list everyday of things you want to and can accomplish in a day. Always include a walk or run out in nature. During your outside time concentrate on all the positive things there, the beauty of clouds, plants animals the light of the sun the majesty of the storm. Include on your to-do list things which will increase your sense of mastery of your environment and give you accomplishments. It could be as simple as housework or cooking for the family. Try to increase your to-do list a tiny bit each day. And if you can, have a longer term goal- wanting to paint a room requires cleaning out the room, repairing wall board, priming, masking painting etc. These things will contribute holistically to your recovery.
Find somewhere to volunteer to serve others. If you choose the right charity it will keep your troubles in perspective.
Find a job-the best one you can find whatever that is-and work it like it's your dream job. You'll meet new people and have a little cash. It'll help.
Your post could be entitled "What Depression Feels Like".
Roh has a very good idea and I'm going to expand it into a self-help checklist.
1) Pray for other peoples' worse problems. When you hear about someone who situation is manifestly worse than yours, pray for the Lord to bless that person.
2)Get outside in nature every day. Walk briskly. Examine and appreciate nature around you in all its forms.
3)Volunteer. I have volunteered with a program which cares for autistic children so their parents can have an afternoon with their other kids.
4)Watch your input. Self-talk can make depression better or worse. If you catch yourself saying "Nobody loves me". Turn it around. "I'm not willing to settle or to be someone I'm not just to have a man." Many, many people who are married with children know that they have made a huge mistake. Keep a written list of things you are proud of and refer to it when you lapse into negative self-talk.
5) Use daily, monthly and yearly checklists. At my most depressed I have used lists reminding me to brush my teeth, take a shower and do my daily Bible reading. When you are really down, just checking an item off can give you a shot of positive brain chemicals.
6) Set achievable goals and use #5 to achieve them. Any big item can be broken down into small items which are achievable. I had a huge house full of clutter which I needed to clean up to get on the market. I started with big items. Clean out basement. Then reduced it to smaller items. like fill a trash bag a day. Fill a box for charity a day. Pack a box for storage a day. It took me 10 months. The sense of achievement carried me through a very traumatic period.
7)Be honest with people about what you are facing. The ones who are positive and helpful you will continue to be honest with. The other ones are not really intimate friends because they LACK compassion or comprehension. Engage in euphemistic small talk with them "Oh, I'm fine-I was just down for a while." Ask the supportive ones not to gossip about you. Drop immediately anyone who isn't going to at least not harm you.
8)Don't let your insurance coverage determine your treatment. Sell stuff if you have to. Contact local government and ask for resources. Ask your pharmacy if they have a program to help. Pharmaceutical companies GIVE meds to free clinics. Remember depression is a disease. It is an imbalance in your brain chemicals caused by the intersection of your genes and your stress level. Not everyone realizes this yet. Don't let that stop you. Find people who understand, are sympathetic and will help.View Thread
I had the same reaction from my Mom. Here's how it went:
I had finally consulted a psychiatrist. Years before I had gone to a psychologist who had me tell him the story of my life. When I was finished, he said "You can't be depressed, you have no reason to be."
Sadly I was in my 20's and this was before the internet. So I decided there was no help for me. After the birth of my second child at 39, I had been exposed to enough info about depression that I tried again.
My psychiatrist talked to me a while and then said "Are you Irish?"
Yes, I said 25% pure Irish.
Well, said he, you know that reputation about Irish drinking. It turns out alcoholism and depression run together in families.
My Irish grandfather, my mom's father, was an alcoholic. A functional alcoholic but first thing in the morning he had his bourbon. I first drank bourbon as a tot when I innocently lifted his glass and took a swig.
So I called mom and told her what the psychiatrist said. Are there any alcoholics in the family, Mom, or has anyone ever been depressed?
No, no, she says nothing like that in our family.
What about your dad>?
Well, he liked a drink but he never missed work.
And your grandmother?
Well, she had to be hospitalized for "hardening of the arteries" in a mental hospital.
And Uncles John, Craig and Don? Well, they liked to drink but could hold their liquor?
And no one's ever been depressed?
No, no, of course Mom did take lithium but that was just to calm her nerves. and Sister is on an antidepressant but that's just because she's high-strung. And your cousin Ann is on anti-depressants because she just got divorced. No, dear, I'm afraid it's just you.
DENIAL is a great stress reducer. LOL ROFL
You don't have to quit talking to your mom. But you do need a BS detector. Someone to whom you can recount your conversations who will defend you and tell you when mom is full of it. And, btw, I don't hold this denial against my mom. Strangely, she has avoided depression most of her life by the SSTORIES she tells herself. Hey, it works for her, but not for me.View Thread