I have chronic depression. I've been diagnosed with bipolar and borderline personality disorder. I used to cut... well, I guess I still do. It's been months since my last time. Before that time, I had been clean from cutting for over a year. Anyways, situationally, I have everything I need and everything I could ever have wanted. I have absolutely no reason not to be happy... It's hard trying to explain to my family and friends that I can't control my emotions, and that my depression isn't caused by a lack of anything or lack of trying to get rid of it. I keep being told that happiness is a process, it's something you have to work for, something you have to earn almost. I don't know what to do. I'm on medication. I went to therapy for 2 years and I finally ended up just telling them what they wanted to hear in order for them to let me go. I was wasting an hour every week and seeing no progress. I don't know what to do. I find no joy in living. Not to say I don't smile or laugh or have good times and great moments, I do. I have many. However, overall it just never seems enough. My life is a charade. I'm living for my family, especially my 2 little siblings who are 10 and 13 (I call them my midgets). I stopped living for myself years ago. I want someone I can talk to who can understand, who goes through the same thing. I keep losing friends because they can't handle the stuff I tell them about how I feel....View Thread
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