i am so sorry that you have had such pain in your life.
it might help for you to join an in-person support group where you live. you can find one in your area by googling ("support group" "name of your town" "name of your state" depression). this may bring up some on-line choices also, but from what you have said, i think the in-person ones might meet your needs better.
in addition, if you live near a medical school or teaching hospital, a divinity school, or a university with a graduate program in psychology, psychiatry, nursing, or social work, you could check at those places for local support groups. finally, if you are affiliated -- even loosely -- with a house of worship, you might also ask the minister/rabbi/imam about support groups.
you can also locate local support groups by contacting the national alliance on mental illness (NAMI, http://www.nami.org , then click on "support and programs," then on "state and local NAMIs"). a second national source of support groups can be found thru the depression/bipolar support alliance (DBSA, http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=home , then click on "peer support," then on the top left dropdown box that says "find a support group").
are you taking psych meds or seeing a therapist? since you think your struggles are getting more difficult, it might be time to pursue getting help thru one or both of these avenues. esp if you are considering a therapist, i think it might be easiest for you to work with someone who specializes in people who were abused in childhood.
there is another community at webMD specifically for survivors of sexual abuse -- http://exchanges.webmd.com/sexual-abuse-survivors-support-exchange -- tho i'm not sure how active it is. i know there were some people who posted there regularly for a while. you might try going there as well as here and seeing what response you could get.
regardless of what else you do in seeking support, we in the depression community are always here for you. the people in this community care about each other, we "get" it, and we do not judge. please come back and talk as much as you like.
i send caring thoughts to you and hope that you can find the support you deserve.
i'm so sorry you're having such a hard time right now.
have you already scheduled an apptmt with your therapist and with whoever prescribes your psych meds? even if you have, i think it would be worth calling to see if you can get in sooner with either or both. ask to be put on the "cancellation list" so that you can take someone else's apptmt time if they cancel.
if you haven't scheduled those apptmts, today is the day to call. if you're feeling too overwhelmed to tackle this, then just call one of them today; you can call the other one tomorrow or the next day. but definitely both of them by the end of the week. and don't cancel the apptmts this time; set them for days when you don't have a lot of other obligations. that way you won't have an excuse for canceling them.
it feels as if you're pushing everyone away because you are pushing everyone away. staying in bed for 48 hours is a pretty effective way of isolating yourself.
i understand completely about your niece. i can always tell when i am heading downhill, even if i haven't recognized it earlier, when i realize that i'm not feeling emotionally connected to my dog. as soon as i notice this, it's a clue that i have to call my psychiatrist or my therapist.
i send caring thoughts to you and hope that you will be feeling better soon.
i know it's overwhelming to think of actually making an appointment, but i have two suggestions for how to do it, and both of them involve not trying to do everything at once.
(1) one day, get out the school directory and put it on your desk. don't go any further that day. the next day, look in the directory, find the number for the counseling center, and write it down next to the phone. don't go any further that day. on the third day, call the counseling center and make an appointment.
(2) one day, get out the campus map; put it on your desk. don't go any further that day. the next day, unfold the map and look at it just so you get generally familiar with where the different buildings are; look for the counseling center and circle it on the map. don't go any further that day. on the third day, try to walk by the counseling center on your way to class, or take a little detour after class and walk by the counseling center. don't go in, but notice where the front door is.
on the fourth day, walk by the counseling center again, go in, and look around. you don't have to talk with anyone (even the receptionist) if you don't want to; just get a sense of what the lobby looks like and what the general layout is. on the fifth day, walk by the counseling center again, go in, and make an appointment.
i know you can do this, just do one small step at a time to get your mind used to the idea.
yes! i'll be thinking of you and sending caring thoughts to you.
i know you are horribly discouraged, but just because your family thinks you are worthless doesn't make it true. you are not worthless! you are a human being with a heart and emotions and have value just because you are alive.
please check out some of the links i've posted above. it is possible to get meds at a reduced cost, but you have to apply for the various programs to get them. the sooner you look into this, the sooner you will be able to get some meds. people at the shelters or other social service agencies can help you fill out whatever forms are necessary.
please don't give up. i'm sending caring thoughts and my hopes for the future to you.
i looked up tisercin/levomepromazine (see PS1), which is known as nozanin (PS2) in some countries and as methotrimeprazine (PS3) in others; it is indeed used for pain and nausea in end-of-life circumstances. however, it is also used an as antipsychotic, an anti-anxiety med, and a sedative for treating insomnia, and i suspect -- altho of course i do not know for sure -- that your dr prescribed it for these latter properties rather than because he thinks you are dying.
if you don't think that the tisercin/levomepromazine is appropriate for you or you are too nervous about its effects to use it, you should not just stop taking it. please call your dr again instead, and talk with him about it.
if you decide to continue with the tisercin/levomepromazine, you and your dr need to discuss its interaction with the lexomil/bromazepam that you are also taking; one website indicates that the dosage of lexomil/bromazepam should be reduced by half if taken in conjunction with tisercin/levomepromazine, on account of the fact that both have strong sedating effects (PS4).
i still think that it might be helpful to talk with a therapist regardless of whether you are ready to say with certainty that you want to leave your marriage. for one thing, a therapist could help you find some more effective ways of coping with your anxiety and with your day-to-day problems. s/he could also give you some objective feedback on your beliefs about the future.
i hope that you and your dr can come to agreement about what meds you are comfortable taking. i send caring thoughts to you.
i assume you mean that you have been taking 100 mg/day of zoloft/sertraline (see PS1) for the past month.
the half-life (PS2) of zoloft/sertraline is approx 26 hrs, so you would need to allow approx eight days to get down to less than 1 mg remaining in your body (PS3). therapeutic dosages of zoloft/sertraline range from 50-200 mg/day, so less than 1 mg is a pretty small amount.
in general, it is not a good idea to stop taking a psych med all at once, because your body has gradually become accustomed to having it as part of your internal chemical mix, so to speak, and therefore needs to gradually become unaccustomed to having it. this is why, with zoloft/sertraline, it might be easier to taper your dosage over a couple of weeks rather than quitting it all at once.
reported symptoms of sudden discontinuation of zoloft/sertraline include a recurrence of depression (note that after just one day, you will be approaching the minimum dosage considered to be therapeutic), weird electric-shock sensations (lots of people call these "brain zaps," and they are unpleasant and even scary), irritability, emotional volatility, agitation, anxiety, confusion, lethargy, and insomnia.
if you have been having side effects from zoloft/sertraline, it would be better to tell your dr about them instead of just not taking it any more; for one thing, many side effects diminish and even disappear with time, and even if they don't, it is often possible to treat the side effects themselves.
i hope this helps. what has been happening that makes you want to quit taking zoloft/sertraline?
PS2 -- the half-life of a drug is the amount of time it takes for half of it to clear your body. in other words, with a half-life of approx 26 hrs for zoloft/sertraline and a dosage of 100 mg/day, you would be down to 50 mg after 26 hours.
PS3 -- after the second 26-hour period, you would be down to 25 mg. in the next 26 hours, you would be down to 12.5 mg, and in the next 26 hours, down to 6.25 mg. after another interval of 26 hours, you would have only 3.125 mg remaining, and after the subsequent 26 hours you would be down to 1.56 mg. after one more period of 26 hours, only 0.78 mg would remain in your body, which is less than 1% of your original dosage. putting it another way, it takes seven half-lives to get to less than 1% of a med. seven half-lives x 26 hrs = 182 hrs total, divided by 24 hrs/day = between seven and a half days and eight days to deplete your body of almost all of the zoloft/sertraline.View Thread
what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.
here are some programs that can help with your prescription costs --
-- ask your prescribing dr or your primary-care dr for samples;
-- ask a pharmacist if s/he knows of local/state/national programs for getting free/low-cost meds;
-- ask a pharmacist if any of the meds you are taking have generic equivalents, which are much less expensive than brand-name ones; many discount stores (target, wal-mart, etc.) and grocery store pharmacies dispense generic meds at $4/month and antibiotics for free;
-- look at the labels on your current meds, get the manufacturer's name for each, then apply to each manufacturer's patient assistance program;