are your morning meds (other than the zoloft) different from the ones you take at night? i'm wondering if your problems in the mornings are due to some sort of medication interaction that doesn't occur in the evenings.
i still think that you should alert your cardiologist to these symptoms, but, of course, you have a much better sense of how seriously your meds may be affecting you than i do!
i send you caring thoughts and hope that things improve for you.
tremors, restlessness, an inability to keep still, and a fast/irregular heartbeat are all known to be side effects of paxil CR. the webMD materials state that if you are having any of these symptoms, you should tell your dr "right away." OK, you did that.
i am concerned, however, that your psychiatrist may not be aware of, or may not be remembering, the whole medical picture with respect to you. what is making me nervous is that the webMD materials also state that if you experience fast heartbeat, twitching muscles, or unusual agitation/restlessness, you should get medical help "right away."
because you are having these symptoms and have serious heart problems as well (see PS1), i think this is worth a call to your cardiologist first thing in the morning to ask for advice; indeed, your cardiologist may want to consult with your psychiatrist. if your symptoms are troublesome tonight or get worse before morning, i think you should go to the ER. be sure that when you talk with your cardiologist, your psychiatrist, or the ER, you tell them about all meds, over-the-counter drugs, and dietary supplements you are taking.
i don't want to scare you, and, of course, anything that any of your drs says trumps anything i say (PS2). it's just that the the combination of your symptoms and your heart problems worries me.
i send you caring thoughts and hope that you will let us know how you are doing.
-- susie margaret
PS1 -- tho i don't know what meds you may be taking for your heart, paxil CR can interact with both blood thinners and antiarrhythmics.
PS2 -- i am not a medical person; i welcome, solicit, and indeed beg for correction, amendment, or replacement of any inaccuracies in this post.View Thread
what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.
i am so sorry that this life in a truck is so difficult for you. i understand completely; no one can live for very long feeling "trapped" 24 hrs/day. at first glance, i hear you expressing two concerns -- one is that you never have any time to yourself; the other is that you have no control over how your day-to-day life is arranged. even tho these are separate issues, they are very intertwined.
i don't know the state of your marriage, but your rage and frustration and depression have to be affecting your feelings about yourself and about both your husband and your marriage. this is why i think it is critical for you and your husband to discuss the fact that being in a truck however-many hours/day is becoming seriously detrimental to how you feel about your relationship. this is not a reflection of how much you love him; it is a Q of your need for basic autonomy as a person.
everyone needs "alone" time. there is nothing unreasonable about resenting the fact that you don't have any. so first let me ask if there is any way you can spend less time on the road. is it possible that you could go with your husband only every other week or every three weeks? does he have a regular route so that when you will be with him and when you will be by yourself becomes more predictable?
even if you travel less, however, the point of being home is not so you can hide your feelings from your husband and others, hoping that things will "work out"; it is so you can enjoy some time when you don't have to be available to others every minute of the day and night, and so you can have some time and space -- perhaps with the help of a therapist -- to begin to explore some of the things that are contributing to your depression, which, it seems from your post, predated this arrangement where you are basically living in a truck.
i am also wondering if it might be possible for you to start seeing a therapist to learn some skills that will help you cope more productively with the sacrifices that are required of you because of your husband's job (whether or not you are still with him 24 hrs/day). if you are home, obviously this could mean face-to-face appointments, but when you are with your husband, it could also mean e-mailing regularly, and maybe a phone call if you have time when you and your husband have stopped for the night. i know this would be a tricky arrangement to set up, but some therapists do arrange for telephone sessions. if you cannot find a therapist but belong to a religious body, perhaps you could make this type of arrangement with your priest, minister, rabbi, imam, or other spiritual adviser.
it might also help if you keep a journal, whether or not you are on the road with your husband. this does not have to be a record of what you do every day, but it could be. what i am thinking of, tho, is more of an outlet for expressing the emotions that you currently have no opportunity to express out loud. you might even use colored pencils/pens/crayons for some entries, or draw instead of writing. this would be a private journal, for your eyes only.
i send you caring thoughts and hope that you can find some solutions to these very troublesome issues.
i am so sorry you've been feeling so bad lately. please don't give up.
i think it is time to tell your dr how you are really feeling. not telling him/her certainly isn't working. please try to make an appointment as quickly as you can, and then talk about exactly what you have said in your post.
just because you tell your dr how bad you are feeling does not mean that you will be hospitalized, but if you are concerned about this, then say so! you cannot be hospitalized without consent except in very narrow circumstances (see PS1), and i think it is far more likely that you and your dr can agree on an arrangement for you to call him/her if you continue to feel bad or start feeling worse.
it may be time to try a different antidepressant; new ones come on the market every year. it is also possible that a different dosage of whatever you are taking now or the addition of a supplemental med might help.
finally, with respect to your application for disability benefits, i think it may also be time to get a lawyer or disability advocate (PS2), or change lawyers/advocates if you already have one. even with the well-known delays in the system, four years is a long time to wait. it seems to me that at this point, you have nothing to lose by having a fresh pair of eyes consider your case.
if you know anyone who got their disability benefits with the help of a lawyer or disability advocate, ask whom they used.
there is also a lawyer referral service, 800/431-2804, associated with the national organization of social security claimants representatives (http://www.nosscr.org).
if you don't know anyone who can give you a personal recommendation or referral, then the easiest way to find a lawyer or disability advocate who can help you is to look in the yellow pages (usually i think using the yellow pages is cheesy, but this type of problem is an exception, it is the best way i know).
look under "attorneys," then look for ads with "social security" or "disability" in them. you can find disability advocates under "social security disability consultants and representatives" and "social security services."
practically all lawyers who specialize in disability cases (and disability advocates) charge nothing for an initial/evaluation consultation, and the customary arrangement is that you pay no fees unless you win your case.
i send you caring thoughts and hope this helps.
-- susie margaret
PS1 -- your post says that you are "from japan," but i am assuming that you are living in the united states. my advice in this post applies only if you are living in the united states, i'm afraid; i don't know anything about the japanese medical system.
PS2 -- a disability advocate is not a lawyer but can represent you just as a lawyer would in social security claims. this type of law is one of the few specialties where you do not have to have a lawyer to represent you.View Thread
what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.
i have been more or less "out of commission" for several weeks and did not see your earlier post, http://forums.webmd.com/3/depression-exchange/forum/9494/7 , until now. i am so sorry i missed it. in the meantime, i'm very glad you have gone to a long-term care program and that you've decided to stay there for now.
i'm extremely concerned about your stockpiling your meds, altho i can say from experience that i understand the impulse. it isn't the answer, tho. you've been at the treatment place for less than two weeks, if i'm figuring the dates correctly from your posts; please give yourself and the treatment more time. it's taken a long while for you to get to this state emotionally; you're not being fair to yourself not to give yourself some more time to get some relief. in addition, by saving rather than taking your meds, you aren't giving yourself what you need to get some relief. take your meds and give them the chance to help; otherwise, you are sabotaging your own recovery.
you know that you have many friends here who care for you very much; we're not ready to let you go. you are not alone, and altho you are feeling that there is no hope, we don't feel that way. you have pulled yourself thru so much; you are much stronger than you think you are. i know you think all is lost right now, but we know that's not true. you have felt better in the past, and that tells me that it is possible for you to feel better in the future. please give yourself another chance.
i send you many caring thoughts and the hope for peace in the night. i am thinking of you, and i know that many others are thinking of you as well. remember, all you have to manage is one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, and that we are with you during each of those days, those hours, those minutes.
well, obviously, i didn't get back to you the day after my previous message, but here i am tonight!
i'm glad that things seem to be better this week. since you wrote about your relationships with children, i want to make just a few comments. i do not have any children of my own but had stepchildren during my second marriage -- a stepson who lived with us from age 12 to age 17 and a slightly older stepdaughter who lived with her mother. i can say without one bit of hesitation that learning to work out a relationship with my stepson was among the very hardest experiences -- maybe the very hardest -- of my entire life.
with your stepdaughter being nine yrs old, i think it is futile to try to distinguish what is typical nine-yr-old drama-queen behavior from what is being prompted by her completely predictable resentment and fear of your arrival and influence in your fiance's life. my guess is that they are inseparable in these circumstances. she is scared that now there won't be enough love or attention to go around, in other words, that if he loves you, he will love her less or might even quit loving her.
therefore my first suggestion is that you encourage your fiance to spend dedicated, predictable, and regular time with your stepdaughter in activities that involve only the two of them. maybe they could have dinner out twice a week and/or spend sunday afternoons together.
if this means you have to go somewhere else for several hrs, then it does. you say, "she will adjust," but she is not the only one who will have to adjust to accommodate serious changes in their life. it is absolutely critical that the times when all three of you are present are not the only times your stepdaughter gets to be with your fiance. (likewise, it is absolutely critical that the times when all three of you are present are not the only ones you get to be with your fiance.)
in addition, your fiance has to make it clear to your stepdaughter that she has to respect your presence in his life, whether or not she likes you or likes what you say. this is not a problem that can be resolved unless your fiance commits himself to resolving it and is consistent in his response when delicate situations arise. you and your fiance may want to consider getting some joint counseling on ways he can do this.
finally, i saw that you posted in the community for parents of children of elementary-school age as well. good plan! you might also want to check out the general parenting community, http://exchanges.webmd.com/parenting-exchange , which has an expert on-board.
i send many caring thoughts to you, your fiance, your stepdaughter, and the rest of your family. my greatest concern right now, however, is for you, so let me ask two quick Qs before i say "good night."
first, are you getting any "alone" time for yourself? second, if you think your meds are no longer working or are not working as well as they should, when are you going to do something about that?