I am a 46 year old mother of two, and have been struggling with depression and anxiety since age 30. I the past three years, I went from very controlled an medication, Paxil, then Effexor, to a roller coaster of episodes that last 2-3 weeks and come anywhere from every 3-4 months to this past one which came back after only 10 days of feeling better. I separated from my husband two years ago after nearly 19 years of marriage, and my mother died in March from cancer. I know this is affecting me, although during "up" periods it seems like I am managing OK. My issue is that once I feel better, I assume the medication is working and go back to my regular lifestyle. Now it is clear that this is a chronic illness and I will need to fight it with more than meds and therapy. But I can't get myself to do it. I start things and then quit when it becomes a nuisance or doesn't fit into my life. I flip out when I think of having to move from my house and get a full time job, and since I am fortunate, I don't have to. But I want to. I am quite privileged, and often feel guilty even complaining of being depressed. I feel like I am making excuses just so I don't have to do hard things. Does anyone have advice about how to get myself to stick to a lifestyle that will help me? Sad to say that often I think that if I didn't know it would destroy my children and family, I would kill myself. It is so horrible when I have so much to be thankful for. I feel so weak and selfish. I want to try harder but I never do. Has anyone out there managed to add something to their life that STICKS. Or am I just a whiny, overindulged person without willingness to work hard because I never had much hardship in my life?View Thread
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