I'm 37 year old woman and have been struggling with depression for most of my adult life. At the heart of my daily struggle is my social ineptness. I have the habit of sticking my foot in the mouth which makes me feel like a huge jerk. I don't mean to sound hurtful or rude but at times it just happens. And when it does, the immense guilt I feel afterwards is almost unbearable. Usually I feel like I am not smart enough to to contribute to a meaningful discussion and resort to either being quiet in social situations or avoiding them all together. I often wonder to myself, why was I cursed with the affliction of depression?? As awful as it may sound, I sometimes wish I was cursed with some other malady. What I would give to be the smart, witty, alcoholic, beautiful, life of the party kind of girl!
With the help of therapy, I've been able to learn that the source of my depression is from my childhood upbringing. I was raised in an environment where my siblings and I were constantly made not to feel, smart, beautiful or worth anything. I've learnt to accept my past, forgive those who have wronged me.
I am also learning to accept myself. That we all as humans have our own quirks, imperfections, our crosses to bear. I just wish mine wasn't depression! Having said that, I try my best to change what I can about myself. To be kinder, to say hello with a smile, to show my love for those who love me, to work on a hobby, but it's tough. Feels like swimming against the tide!
It feels like an insurmountable task conquering all these feelings of guilt, fear, helplessness, and worthlessness. The only thing that gives me strength to face each day is my love for God. How can I disappoint him by not fighting back?
So my question to anyone out there is this: How can I win this battle against depression? How can I find that place of peace, happiness and contentment? With no dread for social gatherings? Or dread of what I may say or how I say it? Dread of just facing another day? How can I learn to love and respect myself?
Thanks rohvannyn for your words of encouragement. You don't know how much of a comfort it is! By the way you are the second person who has suggested to me about how nutrition can help. I'm definitely going to give the whole foods and green tea a try.View Thread