Nearly every anti-depressant will squash the libido. It's a world-wide problem. The love is still there, the sex is gone.
I've never heard of an anti-depressant causing someone to want a divorce. If I was in your position, I would contact her therapist and ask for a referal to someone who does couple counseling.
Beyond that, treat your wife as someone you want to keep in your life forever. Depression is difficult enough. Hold her, dance in the living room, let her know that you love her far beyond all the stars in the sky.
AZ, I hope you don't mind if I jump into this conversation.
I've been thinking about your therapy session. I believe it would be wise for you to work on your fear of the surgery. Let her help you with your fear. Make plans for your next therapy session to address the suicide issue.
When is your surgery? I will want to pray specifically for you on that day.
The pain will continue after your surgery for probably several weeks. Be sure that you discuss pain med(s) before your discharge from the hospital. Just remember on those days of recovery that the pain will eventually go away. Find patience to help you get through that. Also, do not skip therapy unless you simply can't get there.
AZ, you may feel lost but you really have been found! You are found on this website where other people can offer a kind word. Others can make suggestions on how to take care of yourself.
I'm sorry you are having physical problems with your depression issues. That would certainly seem to knock your feet out from under you - I know it would do that for me!
Something that might help is for you to make to-do lists.
A list of what you want to take with you to the hospital.
A to-do list for the friend who will go to your house to gather the mail and water your plants.
A list of who is going to help you after the surgery.
Make a list of meals you want when you get home. If they need prepared ahead of time, do that and store them in the freezer. Be sure to label each meal.
I don't mean to be flippant at all. I know it seems like I am always giving you writing assignments. I hope I don't overwhelm you but I find writing can be a great distraction. And in your case, you'll need those lists so things go smoothly while you are away from home and then when you return.
I've read your post very carefully. Please allow me to look at this situation from your mother-in-law's position.
When she gave up D at the time of her birth, she felt a part of herself die. I believe that she did an unselfish thing when she allowed D to go to a couple that didn't have any other children. Your MIL wanted the best for this tiny baby and at that time she knew she could not provide D with everything she might need. While giving up the baby broke her heart, she knew she would have to carry that secret in her heart for the rest of her life.
We can only imagine the anguish of carrying a baby that she knew would never be hers, watching her tummy get larger and larger, and developing a relationship with this little creature inside of her. Being pregnant is a grand emotional time in the life of a woman. Every movement by the baby is treasured and as the birth of the baby comes closer the mother dreams of holding that baby, counting the toes and fingers, kissing the soft cheeks and fingertips, telling her how beautiful she is, smoothing the baby's hair, and ultimately bonding for life.
What happened in your MIL's life to have to give up her baby must have been soul-crushing. No doubt that after giving birth to D there was very little, if any, bonding between mother and daughter.
So the baby is given to someone else. The next several weeks the mother is healing physically but tortured at night when sleep evades her and she wonders if she has done the right thing. It would be years before the mother could think of the baby girl without that lump in her throat and the hurt in her heart.
You wonder why the mother is adamantly opposed to seeing her daughter? Let me see if I can answer that statement ... The guilt and shame of giving up her baby has never left her heart and soul.
Over the years, when the mother was married and having other children, she never forgot what she had to do years earlier. Over the years the guilt, the shame, the sadness nearly destroyed her. She became embittered and 'cold' to her family around her. She drew into herself so no one would ever hurt her again. She did what she knew to protect herself. Right or wrong, her heart became hardened because of what she went through many years ago. She lost the will to nurture, lost the desire to love ... becoming "nasty" to those around her.
D has grown up and "found" her birth mother. She wants to establish a relationship with a family that she might feel that she was cheated from being with. D has endeared herself to a brother she never had. She is craving a family that she can point to and say "I belong to them".
By now the mother's broken and worn heart is not capable of opening up to this daughter she had to walk away from. No one realizes the pain and anguish or the guilt and shame that she has carried for too long.
To protect herself from that kind of heartache again, she vows to never allow herself to love D. The only way to accomplish that is to stay away from D.
Elizather, the answer you are searching for can only be decided by your husband and you. I hope what I have written will help you make a wise decision.
With the utmost sincerity, Mary
(Did I have to give up a baby? No, thankfully. I am just a mother and grandmother with a huge heart of love for those who have.)View Thread
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.