MarySings

Joined: 03/12/2010
My Story:
Caution!! This could be very triggering to read!
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My father sexually abused me from the age of 13months until I was 9 1/2. When I was four, my mother walked in on me and my father. Until that day, he wad only been forcing oral sex and he was touching and sucking. My mother kept me home from kindergarten the next day and used a banana to show me how it would feel to have intercourse. I bled profusely and missed a month of school. And for my 5th birthday, my father had intercourse with me. This continued several times a week because my mother never wanted to have sex with my father, so she would disappear with my younger sister and brother three times a week so my father could "love" me.

When my mother left my father she said it was because "he was an out of control alcoholic". No mention of the sexual abuse. My parents divorced when I was 10.

My mother's brother sexually abused me from the age of 10 until I was 13. A girl raped me when I was 12. A boy raped and sodomized me when I was 17. My mother physically, sexually, and emotional abused me while I was living with her. When I married (Albert was 21 and I had just had my 19th birthday. We married Feb 3, 1974, and are best friends) the emotional abuse never stopped until I had a breakdown at the age of 48 - December 28, 2002, 10am.

With the help of God, a wonderful husband, and psychologist (Dr.B), I have been working towards forgiveness towards all of my abusers. Now I fight the deep depression that never seems to go away. My meds get changed, work for a month or two, and then my psychiatrist has to make adjustments.

My husband grew up with parents who loved him dearly but were not physical when showing their love for him.

When we married, we made a vow that our children would always know that they were loved. Both of our grown sons call home often, knowing that we always end the conversation with "I love you". One of our DILs asked why I always "goodbye, I love you" and I told her that if something to happened to me, she could always remember my last words to her were "I love you".

I worked in Human Resources for a printing company for 25.5 years. I spent a year on paid medical leave. About half way through the medical leave, I was called to my supervisor's office and told I was going to be retired. I was devestated and three days later I tried my first suicide attempt.

I am very grateful that WebMD has many community boards. Many friends have been made here. The people on the SA Exchange are very loving and have helped me so many times when I wanted to give up. I found WebMD communities in the summer of 2003, when I was searching for information about the meds I was taking. I have never regreted being online on this website.

I have many diagnoses: severe depressive disorder, borderline personality disorder, PTSD, fibromyalgia, and others.

My favorite Bible verse is I Peter 5:7. My paraprased version is this: Cast all your cares on God, because He loves you.

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Reply: New to group.
Hopefull, Bob, and cah - welcome to all of you. This community is for everyone who is...More
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
Posted by marysings
Reply: nightmare
I'm sorry that things did not go well in court. I know you feel defeated and very...More
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
Posted by marysings
Reply: Do you tell?
Leslieop45, your post is disturbing. You imply that depression is something we can choose...More
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
Posted by marysings
Reply: there is no place
Ending your life is a negative solution. There would be people and family who would miss...More
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
Posted by marysings
Reply: changed it
Ok, I knew immediately who you are. The WebMD moderator welcomes you and you argue...More
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
Posted by marysings
Reply: no name
Wow dem! You did it. You stood up for yourself. You got the BF out of your home, you made...More
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
Posted by marysings
Reply: no name
Just and FYI - I am on pain meds that kick my rear. That is my explanation why I am not...More
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
Posted by marysings
Reply: no name
I understand where your deep depression is coming from. Self-esteem is hard for us when...More
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
Posted by marysings
Reply: Broken Heart
It was a bit rocky for a while but we got through it. In February 2012, we will be...More
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
Posted by marysings
Reply: Broken Heart
When my husband first dropped the bomb of criticism on me, I suddenly realized that he...More
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
Posted by marysings