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MarySings

Joined: 03/12/2010
My Story:
Caution!! This could be very triggering to read!
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My father sexually abused me from the age of 13months until I was 9 1/2. When I was four, my mother walked in on me and my father. Until that day, he wad only been forcing oral sex and he was touching and sucking. My mother kept me home from kindergarten the next day and used a banana to show me how it would feel to have intercourse. I bled profusely and missed a month of school. And for my 5th birthday, my father had intercourse with me. This continued several times a week because my mother never wanted to have sex with my father, so she would disappear with my younger sister and brother three times a week so my father could "love" me.

When my mother left my father she said it was because "he was an out of control alcoholic". No mention of the sexual abuse. My parents divorced when I was 10.

My mother's brother sexually abused me from the age of 10 until I was 13. A girl raped me when I was 12. A boy raped and sodomized me when I was 17. My mother physically, sexually, and emotional abused me while I was living with her. When I married (Albert was 21 and I had just had my 19th birthday. We married Feb 3, 1974, and are best friends) the emotional abuse never stopped until I had a breakdown at the age of 48 - December 28, 2002, 10am.

With the help of God, a wonderful husband, and psychologist (Dr.B), I have been working towards forgiveness towards all of my abusers. Now I fight the deep depression that never seems to go away. My meds get changed, work for a month or two, and then my psychiatrist has to make adjustments.

My husband grew up with parents who loved him dearly but were not physical when showing their love for him.

When we married, we made a vow that our children would always know that they were loved. Both of our grown sons call home often, knowing that we always end the conversation with "I love you". One of our DILs asked why I always "goodbye, I love you" and I told her that if something to happened to me, she could always remember my last words to her were "I love you".

I worked in Human Resources for a printing company for 25.5 years. I spent a year on paid medical leave. About half way through the medical leave, I was called to my supervisor's office and told I was going to be retired. I was devestated and three days later I tried my first suicide attempt.

I am very grateful that WebMD has many community boards. Many friends have been made here. The people on the SA Exchange are very loving and have helped me so many times when I wanted to give up. I found WebMD communities in the summer of 2003, when I was searching for information about the meds I was taking. I have never regreted being online on this website.

I have many diagnoses: severe depressive disorder, borderline personality disorder, PTSD, fibromyalgia, and others.

My favorite Bible verse is I Peter 5:7. My paraprased version is this: Cast all your cares on God, because He loves you.

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I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart.  Have patience with me as I heal.
Posted by marysings
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