I'm sorry you're in so much ongoing pain and am glad you reached out to us here. It sounds like it's time to try therapy again. It can take many sessions to build trust and start talking; please give yourself and a new therapist that time.
And just because it hasn't helped in the past, doesn't mean it won't help now. You are older, you are very aware, you have children and a loving fiance. There are many reasons to think it may help this time.
Instead of planning what you're planning, take that energy to pursue the help you need and deserve.
I encourage you to print out the post you made here and share it with a therapist. That may help that person know where you're coming from.
I hope that eventually you can let your fiance in on the idea that you need real help.
Help is out there for you. Are you receiving any treatment? Are you in therapy and/or on medications? It can take time for the right medication and/or combination of meds and dosages to be found. Medication combined with regular therapy can be very helpful.
I know you're in a lot of pain and can't see beyond it right now. But hold on and reach out for further support.
While you're waiting for others to respond, do some reading of other discussions. You'll find you're not alone at all after all.
Do you have a support system... friends, in your community, etc.? How do you spend your days? Do you have hobbies, do volunteering, any exercising, etc.? (All those things can help you reconnect with life again.)View Thread
Welcome to WebMD. You've found a great place of support and understanding here.
You've been through so very much. (((hugs))) Your doctor is likely right... you're grieving the loss of your marriage, the life you knew, along with grieving your mother.
Be patient with yourself and with the process. But also take steps to help yourself.
Posting here is a good step, talking with your doctor another. Since your faith is so much a part of what sustains you, consider finding some counseling and/or group therapy through churches in your area. These are usually free and can help you get the support you need and deserve.
I encourage you to start your own discussion to talk about your issues so others can find your post and respond and support you.
In order to do that, hold your cursor over the orange Post Now button on the upper right and choose 'Discussion' from the drop down menu which appears. Fill in the subject line and body of the message (you can ignore the poll part if you want) and Submit. View Thread
Sometimes we need to redefine our idea of what success is (success really can mean being happy in one's work, making a difference in the lives of others, etc.), but keep going for your dreams. (((hugs))) Remind yourself that these are just stepping stones towards that dream.View Thread