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major hugs!
it hurts soooo much to have such a looming issue and lost so many ppl especially in a short period of time, i'm not surprised at the reaction you are having. i don't have much advice unfortunately, i'm not one to be known to have a good grieving process, i think i'm still going through the process from my mom's death almost 6 years ago.
is there someone close to you that you trust that you can talk to? from the short bit that you've written, it seems like you need someone to hear you. luckily this is a great place to start. i've found it always helps to talk it out with someone else or type it out here, and that many problems can be solved just be hearing yourself and what you have to say.
lots of hugs and warm thoughts. i hear you, and completely understand.
lotsa luv
prophetessView Thread

and giving me kisses. even though he has doggy breath haha.View Thread
I don't know if there's much I can say. I do relate, however, to the disability issues. I also have a disability that usually ppl cannot see, and it is difficult to accept that part of me. but what I've come to realize is that 'disability' is simply a label. there are always going to be things that each individual cannot do or doesn't think they can do. so in some ways, everyone is disabled. just some of us are lucky enough (sarcasm haha) to be classified as disabled b/c of something we have.
all i can say is, the label of disability does not in any way begin to define a person, there is so much more to you, and having a disability is just a workaround that one has to adapt to.
i'm sorry to hear you aren't getting any support from your mom. is there anyone else that you trust that may be of help? if not, you may want to look into seeing a professional. I had tremendous luck with seeing a therapist a few years ago, it's just about finding the right person to fit your personality and situation.
and I know your relationship situation royally sucks, and you are very upset about it now, but that relationship sounded very toxic, and I believe once the initial shock and sadness wears away, you will be better off. you deserve someone who doesn't belittle you and put you down.
warmest wishes and again lots of *hugs*
prophetessView Thread

View Thread

and I totally agree with lissmeanstrouble, it would have been long forgotten by now. but i also know how it feels in your position and it's really hard not to think that way. and hey, if it makes you feel better to go to other stores in the meantime, sounds like a plan! as long as it's helping you.
*hugs*View Thread

my point: my first step was joining webmd and the self harm community, and i had such profound support there. that, coupled with the therapy truly helped. and while i am back again, and dealing with new circumstances but similar effects, i know there is a way to be happier and healthier. and while at the moment that's hard for even me to believe, my past history gives me a glimmer of hope and i hope it brings some hope to you as well.
welcome, and know that you won't be judged and will be heard.View Thread

i would suggest to definitely search for a new doc, it may take awhile (i'm in Canada, so our system is a bit different), but it will be well worth it. even if they just do their job and refer u to the appropriate professional.
and unfortunately, people who haven't experienced depression or may not know that they've experienced it seem to think you can simply snap out of it, but that is just ignorance.
keep at it, I will be sending u my thoughts in hope of finding a great doc who will listen and even better understand.
(((tiny)))View Thread
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