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I really miss my creativity I found back then.
Even though it was born from despair.
I HATE THE WINTER, it makes me very tired and lame.View Thread

Some times something will happen, and Im actually impressed with how well I kept my cool, for how serious it is.
Then something smal, like just now.
Im at work. Im covering for a co-worker tomoro, so our lab will be closed. I thought, oh I better let the front desk know so they can be prepared for close tomoro, and if anyone calls they can let them know. So I walk upfront, and say hey "so-n-so" I have to cover tomoro, so after lunch the labs gonna be closed.
She didnt even look at me, she ignored me. But I knew she heard me, cause I started to repeat myself, and she said ok, and what do I care?
Ive minded my business all day long. Ive been back here working hard on messages, and calling patient insurances, and drawing blood. I never even said anything to her today except for hi. So why does she have to be so dam rude? Not just that, it wasnt just rude, it was kind of mean. Cause she flicked her wrist at me dismissively and said go tell the "nurses" then so no one comes and bugs us.
So I did, I went ahead and told our Medical Assistants, which I am, and they all are, but for some reason they get called "nurses" and I get called "lab girl."
Wow that makes me feel respected.
I know everyone NEEDS ME. I almost got fired, and was suspended for a week, and they had me come back, cause they couldnt operate with out me.
I should be grateful Im here, and I shouldnt let one person make me so upset.
But its just so damn obvious they dont like me, and they all pretend they do, and I know they dont. I feel miserable working in a place where I have no friends, and I stay to myself, just so no one gets me in trouble, cause if I get in trouble my boss forces me to stay in her office and talk through my panic attack.
I think if I am having a panic attack she should leave me alone til I can breathe. I have asthma. I could seriosuly hyperventilate til I induce a serious asthma attack, and possibly have to go to the ER. Well anyone who isnt me, they would suggest they go straight to the ER, but since im "Lab Girl" Im not allowed to find treatment for what ails me, I just have to put up with their crap, and keep feeling lousy.
Im just pissed, and I need to vent, so Im not pacing around breathing hard, turning red in my face.View Thread

This piece you wrote reminds me of one I wrote, but I can not remember how it went. Thanks for sharing D.View Thread


My best friend is visiting from Washington again, I think Ill quit drinking when she leaves next week.View Thread

Im not feeling well today.
Im so frsutrated with being this young and having so many sick days, and the doctors keep telling me im fine.
My sugar keeps dropping, in the past week I have felt faint, and when I checked it at work it was 34, 48, 70, 56...
I feel like my work performance is being effected by my sugars going low because it becomes hard to focus, I draw blood at work, and Ive circled wrong tests, and put the wrong label on a patients blood. We just have to reorder the tests, but of course I'd rather get it right the first time.
Not only that, but I have diarrhea nearly every day for over 2 years now, and Im just supposed to accept its IBS and deal with it. But I have a feeling the diarrhea and low sugars and my over all under the weather tired and lousy feeling are all connected some how. I just need the right doc to figure it out...
So Im upset today, planning to go home after work and sleep.
I know I am depressed when I cancel plans with my friends to stay home and sleep.View Thread

If I forget to take my Zoloft though, Ill have a very bad day. And when I have those bad days I write down how I feel... and take my Zoloft asap once I realize thats why I am so angry and easily upset
When I write down how I feel and review it later, it just reminds me how important it is to take my med every day. I often crumple the paper up and throw it away, cause I feel like those bad feelings are just the withdrawels talking.
Ive tried to manage my depression alone and keep a secret for a long time, cause no one understands until theyve been there. I just try to explain to everyone that its real, and spread awareness of how to deal with a friend or family member who is suffering...
I found that reaching out, instead of keeping it all in, really helped me. It took me a while, and I still have my bad days, or moments.
Hope this helps....View Thread

I always kick my shoes and socks off, and grab a pillow and a blanket and plop myself somewhere dark (close the curtains, turn off the lights) this usually works for me when I feel a good cry coming on.... but I havent felt like crying lately... and I am really happy about that. I remember about 6 months ago dragging my blanket around and falling to my knees in tears, Im glad I am not doing that anymore...
What is causing your emotion, and is it sadness or something else??View Thread


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