Im sorry that you are feeling so sad. Im sorry that I initially replied to the wrong person, I think I thought this was Gsimps post.
Im not quite sure how to say this with out sounding rude, so excuse me, im not trying to make you more upset.
My best friends mother, has a younger daughter who is married, and she is currently letting them stay with her. Its only temporary, she doesnt have room for them.
In my opinion, her husband and her need to find jobs. Its over crowded, and yes they are mooching, it makes the living situation extremely uncomfortable for everyone in the house. Maybe the reason you are feeling so lousy is because you are doing something lousy, you say you feel like a leech, and not to be harsh, but you are being a leech.
Is there not some one else who would take you in? your sister? Its not a good start to a marriage to have his parents take you in, yes they will question your relationship.
When you get to be their age do you want to take care of some one elses adult child??
Why are you unable to find a job? Are you setting standards too high? I know times are tough, but anyone whos sitting around doing nothing, and doesnt even have their own home, should definitely take anything they can get.
Weight is your least worry right now, dont even think about that, focus on something productive View Thread
I agree with Sara unfortunately. I know how hard it can be to walk away and have to start over again, but try to find a silver lining, you will be so much better off in the long run, no one deserves to be second best to some one they love.View Thread
Im pretty depressed, so when I made the switch from Celexa to Zoloft, I didnt notice a definite change because I think it was like a tapering off that we did to ease me into it, BUT! I have been experiencing really bad back pain, neck pain, shoulder pain, and my feet stink worse then ever, and it seems like my extra strength Degree deoderant is failing me.
I thought maybe Im just getting older. But im only 24. Your post intrigues me, I have an upcoming doctor appointment, I hope I remember to ask him about this.
I know some folks would maybe suggest that the Zoloft just isnt working for you, because random pains are associated with depression, but where you discontinued the med and felt better prior and in between, I think you could be onto something.View Thread
Its hard for an instinctual cutter to understand why they do it. the first time I did it I was on the phone with a friend telling him about the things my mom said that hurt me. I would always lock myself in the bathroom and call him and sit on the floor with my mom pounding on the door, using my scissors to carve into my arm, only I never felt it.
she never pounded on the door cause she was worried about me, she pounded on the door to bother me, she never knew when to back off, obviously.
I think its because I felt numb in my body, and I hurt so bad inside it made me feel better so have an injury to show for the pain that I felt.... if I ever did that again I couldnt stand the pain, but back then it was as if I couldnt even feel it.View Thread
and it stated the following:He adds there's more to depression than deterioration of the quality of life. "It has to be treated aggressively before it causes structural changes in the brain."
Sure woulda been nice to know this is high school, maybe I would have been more proactive in seeking help.
Today I feel like Ive become mentally disabled. I have backspace, so you dont have any idea how many typos were in this message but its as if Im intoxicated, cant think just feeling kinda dur dur dur today, dont like it, feeling LOTS and LOTS of back pain, and GI bloating, and migraines all weekend, then In the same article I sited above they said all of that combined can mean heart issues. I havent had my heart checked for a while. I did quit smoking for the most part but I have one here and there occasionally I really hope that I did not decide to quit when its too late. Ive had friends tell me they are worried about my health, and Im getting concerned as well. I made a doctors appt and heres hoping I make the best use of the appointment.View Thread
I too just want to sleep, and I sleep and I sleep, and my fiance comes home and calls me a sleepy head, and then he leaves because Im tired, and when he comes home he goes to sleep, and I cant sleep cause I been sleeping all day so then I sit up and stare at the wall. I dont watch TV it doesnt interest me, I get stuck in my head all alone and lonely, trying to figure out why I feel like my relationship isnt right, and I really think its all my fault, and why cant I stop being so tired, why am I not more fun? Why dont I ever wanna go out anymore? How can I keep up with my fiance when I feel like this?
I know how you feel too, I have been hating on myself for days and days and cant seem to snap out of it...View Thread
Hey Jaws, I used to cut myself in high school. I still have scars on my forearm and on my calf of my leg from it. They were very deep, what I would do, was get a pair of scissors, and rub the skin until I dug a deep hole, and the reason I think I did this was because I was so depressed and felt so worthless and didnt know anything about depression or why I felt that way, I just thought my mom was right and that I did deserve to die, and that I was a fat ugly girl, and that I was stupid, etc.... Now that I am older, and have gained help, I cant understand what was going through my head, I have not ever thought of doing that to myself again, but the scars are always there to remind me of how bad my mother hurt me emotionally.... I felt really ashamed myself and never admitted thats where the scars came from til years later.
When I was doing it, people started noticing it, I became afraid some one would admit me to a psych ward, so I talked to some school friends about it, and eventually was able to stop on my own...View Thread
I love it when little kids come with their moms to my work and I draw their moms blood and the little kids want bandages to matcc their moms its so cute, I give them gloves too, it makes their little days!View Thread
I think Im in the midst of a serious depressive relapse. I thought I was doing awesome for a while, I think Ive been in denial.
I have been mad at my fiance, and started accusing him of not loving me, cause I had talked to my dad and a few people, he had been really distant with me for a while always going fishing and leaving me at home. I was feeling lonely. I guess all I had to say was please spend more time with me, but I let ideas manifest in my head, and I kept my feelings to myself, and let them grow into something ugly. I said alot of mean things to my fiance about how I was feeling, that I felt unattractive and unloved, and unwanted, and lonesome, and wondered if he was just settling for me cause hes getting older and tired of chasing women.... because he wasnt having sex with me.
Well we talked about it, and he doesnt wanna have sex with me, because Ive been mean to him, and glaring at him when he pursues me. I was too, I was so annoyed with him, just mad. Not really doing it on purpose but holding all this concern in and letting it grow turned me into a mean wifey.
I was just sobbing into his chest while he hugged me I was shivering and just so upset, when I realized it was all me, it was all in my head, this poor man loves me to death and Im telling him Im unhappy when he works his butt off. I told him I really need to see my doctor and try some new medicine, but that I am afraid to go alone, and please please come with me. Its hard for him to take time off work, I have fridays off, he doesnt. I would hate to make him take a day off work to come to my therapist with me. I am worried I will not make the most of the visit. Its expensive, and time off work loses us money, and I am hoping he will be able to help me come up with examples of my emotions and what Ive been going through from an outside perspective but then I dont know how involved he would actually be at my appointment. I am always making excuses not to see my therapist, even though I know I should go.
He also told me he loves hunting because as a child growing up it kept him out of trouble, and he wants to teach his son to be the same way, he hopes that instead of a bunch of dumb kids tempting him to break the law hell want to go fishing instead. and thats what I love about him, is that he is a very good man.
But I am feeling self hate, I dont feel like I am as good of a person as he is. I have done alot of bad things... I have done drugs, I have been in fist fights, I have gotten drunker then drunk and slept with boys I have no business even talking to, just a bunch of smooth criminal delinquents. Ive put on a hoodie and parked down the street and run into my ex boyfriends house unannounced and gave him a bloody nose with brass knuckles, because he cheated on me. Yeah I thought I was some kind of a gangster or something when I was 19. I was a violent person....
My fiance told me its okay I am young I am supposed to have experiences, and do crazy things.... I still felt like a bad person, and whats funny is before I met my fiance I didnt see anything wrong with my drinking and my smoking and my lifestyle. But now I do, I feel like I regret all of my choices.
I know my Zoloft must not be working, cause I can not sleep,even with my ambien rx its not working anymore! I wake up during the night have trouble falling asleep in the first place. I have constant anxiety, and it really pisses me off she wont offer me any xanax to help with my crippling anxiety... Quitting cigarettes is hard enough with out fighting this anxiety. I have asthma, so the anxiety, smoking cessation, plus bad air from the inversion, I cant hardly breathe lately.... I need to exercise and get in shape sure itd make me feel better, but I cant freaking breathe.
Im so frustrated with my life at this moment.View Thread