I hope you had a good day today! I also found out why I couldn't sleep. I went to my doc today for some other reason, and found out I was getting sick. It was perfect timing because I got to start my antibiotic's in the beginning. When ever you get to start them before your all the way sick, it prevents you from becoming really ill. Talk to you later.
How is your depression coming? I think that I read, you try to take it one day at a time. Sometimes that's to much for me, so I take it a few hours at a time. Like if your having a really bad day, it's easier to live from breakfast, to lunch, to dinner. Ta Da!
Alex, what are you doing up so early, Oops! It's not so early! I've been up all night, I only sleep 3hrs. a night and that's not what I like. I can't help it, I think it's some kind of 'old lady' thing. Thank you for being my 1st, early and happy person to say good morning! Good morning to you also!
I'm so sorry that the man you love has mental problems. It's very sad for you both. Now you need ans., to a number of quest. before you embark, on a life long commitment. It's very sweet for you to say you'll take care of him, but this is for life! Do you know all the different kind of mental problems, have you been around mental illness during your lifetime?
First of all, he doesn't sound only depressed, he also sounds bi-polar, which they have meds. for. The problem is that it's very hard to find the right brand & correct dosage. It's also a very hard job to l have. Because of the highs and lows, plus sometimes they won't take it.
From what you wrote, it sounds more like he feels the need to get married, like he's in some kind of hurry. God doesn't want us to marry, just for marriage. It's suppose to be a love union between two people and him. Then he said, he doesn't even like marriage. He should be saying, "I love you, will you please marry me?"
I'm only bringing up these different kinds of mental problems because, as we all know, "LOVE IS BLIND!" It really is, we can barely see the reality of our love man, doing anything wrong. All we can see is perfection. He can do no wrong. Love is by far the strangest emotion on earth.
I don't want to say a bad thing about you two. Just remember this, do you want to take a chance with your life, being with a man who can't even say, "I love you, will you please marry me?"(very easy 8 words to say) And what if you can't handle his depression, what if he's worse then you knew? God bless and you already know the answer to your question.
Today I tried to have my prescription filled, and they told me it didn't go through. I called the ins. company and they said I no longer had any insurance. I immediately started freaking out. I thought oh no, what about all my doctors that I have to see almost monthly, and all my prescription's? What am I going to do? Then I started shaking and worrying about all those things, that hadn't happened yet.
Wright that second, I stopped myself from all those negative thoughts, and said "stop, God has always taken care of you, and he's not going to stop now." One of the blessings we get from what ever form of mental illness we have,(bi-polar, depression, etc...) is we have a closer connection with God, then well people have. I've noticed that from the way you write on here, and from the people that I know personally.
Today, I stopped myself from the snowball, negative effect, which saved me so much grief. I called the ins. people back, they had made a mistake, everything was the same.
I also walked to the store, it's about 7 blocks from my apt.(gave myself a pat on the back for that) Calling the insurance co. and talking to a bunch of different people. (another pat on the back) I think that we all deserve a pat on the back every time we do something that's difficult for us. We can't keep having negative thoughts, without replacing them with positive ones. My shrink explained it like this, say our brain is like a bank, If we keep taking out neg. thought's, pretty soon the bank will be empty. So, we have to keep replacing them with positive ones. I hope I said that right.
Thanks for listening, I needed to tell somebody, who would understand what I'm talking about, how I stopped those neg. thoughts from snowballing (if you don't believe in God, you can still stop them). Plus I wanted to say, don't forget to pat yourself on the back, every time you do something that's difficult for you. Like cleaning a room, emptying the dish washing etc.... Because, you deserve it.
Oh No, don't you dare call those baby steps! Today you did 4 Great things. You finally got out of bed, (1st...big step) 2nd Big step.. cooked yourself food,( i don't care if it was soup or a roast) It was just as difficult! 3rd big step...and probably the biggest of them all, you stayed up and didn't go back to bed!
You can give yourself a BIG pat on the back, for each and everyone of those things you did. Smile, be proud, and at least be happy for as long as you can. Then do another one tomorrow. The reason for the pat, is of how hard each one of them were for you to do, and you did it anyway!
Don't ever treat yourself worse then you would treat me or your best friend. You would have told me to pat myself on the back, for me to just take a shower, because of how difficult it is for me. All of these pats build up your self confidence, give you strength, and hopefully keep you up, and trying. Eventually your baby steps will get larger and you'll be stronger. Now, that's where the baby steps come in. Sometimes it's one step forward and 2 steps back. Don't ever think of any steps back, always focus on the positive ones forward.
Try to replace any negative thoughts with good memory's, good times, or anything good. That's how you go forward. Don't ever punish yourself for having a bad day, like not doing what you think you should have done today. Just forget it and start over. God bless you, give you more strength, happiness, and always baby, big or whatever steps forward. Sorry, I didn't mean to write you a book. What can I say, I'm a blabber mouth.
One more thing, don't EVER listen to anybody who try's to ever put you down! Try and think of where the source is coming from. Are they a perfect person? (no such thing!) Just keep doing YOUR best, not their best, but only yours.
I took a shower today and to me it was like climbing a mountain! Somebody else would laugh, "yip ye, so the crazy person took a shower!" But I could care less what they say, because they have no idea, about mental illness or depression. By the grace of God, (who is closer to us then anybody) none of the so called normal people, will ever find out what it feels like. God bless and goodnight.
This discussion should be made into a book, by length alone. Night, night (again!)View Thread
Of course your depressed. You just moved, your friend just died, your whole life has changed. Your seeing this man like a father or a best friend, and that's why you keep crying around him.
You should go see your GP for meds, to help you get through this bad time. Believe it or not, 'this too will pass.' Who cares if you keep crying around him, that's what he's there for. Anybody would be crying in your situation. Maybe you need to go home for a while, so you can have some normalcy. All I want to say is your acting normal under your situation.
I know exactly how you feel. Children don't come with directions, so all we can do, is our best. I (happily) gave my children the first half of my life, but now I'd like to live the last half for me. I'm sure that you did the best you could, just like me, with what we had to work with. I gave them everything and I went without. (gladly, because they are our responsibility)
You asked, what is your purpose on earth? You answered that question in the first part of this letter. Look at all the people you've helped. You've given strength to, hope to, and are never too far away to always help them. Your doing your calling, but that doesn't mean your going to get any gratitude, help from them, or even a thank you. Especially from your kids. Them seem to think you owe them your life.
You owe them love, to be cared for when they're little, and kept safe. You try and raise them to be self sufficient, and to always love them. They owe us respect, and mine think I was the worst Mother on earth.
I got tired of them still trying to run my life, in there 30's. They need to run their own, and take care of there kids. I feel that it's my turn to be free, and I have stopped letting them make me cry, or feel like I was a terrible Mother. I came from an alcoholic Mom, a Father who ran off and left us. I've probably been depressed since I was a little hungry kid.
I was the best Mother I could be at the age of 18, or any age, constantly shaking and constantly scared that I wouldn't be the perfect Mother. I had no role model, but my children were always happy and always felt loved. They turned out just like I wanted. Self sufficient, strong, and brave. Yet they hate me for things I don't even know about. I've begged forgiveness, just like you. It seems that the only thing they didn't learn from my actions, and teaching's, are the most important things that they need to know on this earth. Compassion, forgiveness, and loving unconditionally.
You need to try and do what I did, that made me stop hating myself, for failing them. I know that did the best I could, not the best or less for others. I know that I did the best I could possibly do, and I'm tired of them constantly trying to hurt me. As if they were 10yrs. old.
So I decided to forgive myself for what I did wrong, & I don't try to call or write them anymore. They already ran my life for the 1st half and I refuse to give them what's left. I still cry for a min. some days, then I remember how much I've given them, and I stop. We did the BEST that we could and nobody could have done better. They are choosing to be ingrates and that's there choice. I told them not to forget what God said. He said," he will forgive us, the way we forgive others." So, I just pray for them all the time, because they're in lots of trouble.
You did your best, you know it for a fact, and you can't do anymore. Stop trying to make them forgive you, it will never work. Just keep loving them and stay away. Kids have a way to make there Mom's, not there Dads feel like they did everything wrong to them. The number one thing you have to do, is forgive yourself for not being perfect. Nobody is! You also need to start doing some things for yourself. Your job might be to save all those other lost people, but don't forget saving yourself too. You deserve it! God Bless
Hi, I told that story, hoping that somebody might be able to copy me. I think one of our biggest depression problem's, is starting to worry about a problem before it's even necessary. At least, I do it, then the problem never happens. So I got all upset for nothing.
When that happens, I will have one neg. thought after the other, until it turns into a mountain, or a gigantic snowball. So I practice (and it takes a lot of it) replacing those neg. thoughts with positive ones. Like doing the laundry, or going to the grocery store. What ever I did that was a big deal to me, and made me feel good. I only think of those good things. Talk to you later.
I'm so happy if I helped you at all. Oh, I almost forgot," HAPPY NEW YEAR! " You certainly sound better, you sound like you have on your depression fighting, boxing gloves, & that's GREAT!
You're right about the medication causing or making your depression worse. It sounds like you need pain meds, so your going to have to find one that doesn't make you crazy. I have to be on some myself for, 'of all things, my spine.' The doctor and I had to keep trying different kinds, until I found the right one.(one that didn't make me crazier (is that a word?) I'm sure it was good for your body, to stop everything for a while. Did the anti-depressant help you, if so, I'd start taking those again. I can't take them, they make me suicidal. Isn't that weird, I bet I'm the only person that anti's make worse.
You said that you have a lot to do, try & make sure you don't overload yourself. What I do is make a list of things to do, in order of their importance. Things that I can't change right this min., go to the bottom of the list. Something that I can do tomorrow,(like make a doc appt.) will go on the list, and clean the tub(i can do that today) goes on the list. Take a shower, I think I can do that today.
As I do things on the list, (like take a shower) I cross them off and give myself a BIG PAT on my back! They might be stupid, to a so called normal person(I've never met one) but to me, it's a big deal, and I'm proud of it. You should be too, and it should make you happy. Count every single thing, that's hard for you to do, as a happy pat on the back. Because, you deserve that pat. Who cares what anybody else thinks.
Write me. Is this your email, avelasqucali.......? I got confused about who that belonged to. Later