Lukeperry :- Depression Community -: Support Group

Lukeperry

Joined: 02/05/2010

My Story:

Hi,

My name is Nancy, I'm 55years old, and I have two grown children. I was so depressed, I wouldn't even take a shower,(for a week). That's when I found this site. Everybody on here was so sweet and they genuinely cared about me. It was great, & perfect timing. I couldn't have gone on much longer, without your help.

I would get on here 1st thing in the morning and one or all of my 5special friends, would ask me about last night, tell me to go eat something and to take a shower, then come back. There was about 5 of us that came on everyday, then, of course new people would come too. Almost everybody I knew then, are gone. It was when WMD changed there format, and it became difficult to find people to ans., or ask questions.

I missed all my friends on here, especially when I found out that I had stage III breast cancer. I had chemo first, to save as much of my breast as possible, so I could have a lumpectomy. I went to the hospital, for my lumpectomy, and they always do a mammogram 1st, to see exactly where the cancer is. While I had that done, a radiologist came in the room to ask me if I'd be shocked, or upset, if I needed a mastectomy? I almost fainted, and I couldn't breath. In 10min.,I went from getting to keep my breast, to having it amputated! Of course I was upset, I couldn't even wrap my brain around it. So they rescheduled my surgery for the next week. All I knew, was I had to get out of that room!

I know that I talk about God a lot, I just hope I don't turn people off, by doing it too much. I lived through a miracle, & feel that I need to share it, because everybody on this board can have them. All of us have a lot of miracle's during our lifetime, but we don't even recognize them.

Stage III is pretty serious, you can die. I came home from the surgeon in shock, ready to lose my mind.(I had never been this scared in my life) I laid down on my bed and begged God to please give me strength for me & to help my family.(they were worse off then me) I also asked him to please be right by my side, because I'd never been so scared, in my whole life. The next day when I woke up, I could feel him in bed with me(kind of attached) and I had no fear! I still have no fear, because I live with a super hero, I talk to him all the time, like he's standing next to me. It's the greatest feeling in the world.

During my chemo, I never threw up, never got ill,(all the other patients were getting ill because our white blood count were so low.) & I had no bone pain. You never would have known I was sick, if it weren't for my bald head. My sister always went with me, and we laughed the whole time we were there. Other people could hear us talking and laughing (because we both have loud mouth's, due to being raised in a family of six), so we kept them laughing too. It was nice knowing that we could make people happy, while they were in awful pain. That was 2 miracle's, then another one was, I woke up happy everyday and still do.

I was fortunate enough to get to move out of the dungeon, (my old apt. the cancer house, I hated it!) into my new beautiful apt. I know God found it for me, because I had no place to move that I could afford. And I had to be out of the dungeon, in two days. My sister & I went to look at one more place, even though I knew I couldn't afford it. When we got here, the girl in the office said,"oh, you came on the perfect day, we have one that's ready to move into today, if you want. Plus, we're having a special, one month free rent." I walked into this apt., and said," This is my house." I didn't mean to say it out loud, like a crazy person. It has window's from the floor to the ceiling in every room, crown molding, and I'm on the 3rd floor. From my balcony, all you see is sky. It's like living in Heaven. Six mo ago, I found out I have a brain tumor. I'll worry about that tomorrow.

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Reply: Hello

Good evening Alex, I hope you had a good day today! I also found out why I couldn't...

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Reply: Hello

Alex, what are you doing up so early, Oops! It's not so early! I've been up all night, I...

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Reply: Do I still need to marry him?

Hi An, I'm so sorry that the man you love has mental problems. It's very sad for you...

Posted by Lukeperry

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Reply: Hello

Hey stranger, I'm going to try and email you tomorrow. I have been going to so many...

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Reply: Today I Stopped The Snow Ball Effect

Hi elliot, Oh No, don't you dare call those baby steps! Today you did 4 Great things....

Posted by Lukeperry

Hi elliot,

Oh No, don't you dare call those baby steps! Today you did 4 Great things. You finally got out of bed, (1st...big step) 2nd Big step.. cooked yourself food,( i don't care if it was soup or a roast) It was just as difficult! 3rd big step...and probably the biggest of them all, you stayed up and didn't go back to bed!

You can give yourself a BIG pat on the back, for each and everyone of those things you did. Smile, be proud, and at least be happy for as long as you can. Then do another one tomorrow. The reason for the pat, is of how hard each one of them were for you to do, and you did it anyway!

Don't ever treat yourself worse then you would treat me or your best friend. You would have told me to pat myself on the back, for me to just take a shower, because of how difficult it is for me. All of these pats build up your self confidence, give you strength, and hopefully keep you up, and trying. Eventually your baby steps will get larger and you'll be stronger. Now, that's where the baby steps come in. Sometimes it's one step forward and 2 steps back. Don't ever think of any steps back, always focus on the positive ones forward.

Try to replace any negative thoughts with good memory's, good times, or anything good. That's how you go forward. Don't ever punish yourself for having a bad day, like not doing what you think you should have done today. Just forget it and start over. God bless you, give you more strength, happiness, and always baby, big or whatever steps forward. Sorry, I didn't mean to write you a book. What can I say, I'm a blabber mouth.

One more thing, don't EVER listen to anybody who try's to ever put you down! Try and think of where the source is coming from. Are they a perfect person? (no such thing!) Just keep doing YOUR best, not their best, but only yours.

I took a shower today and to me it was like climbing a mountain! Somebody else would laugh, "yip ye, so the crazy person took a shower!" But I could care less what they say, because they have no idea, about mental illness or depression. By the grace of God, (who is closer to us then anybody) none of the so called normal people, will ever find out what it feels like. God bless and goodnight.

This discussion should be made into a book, by length alone. Night, night (again!)View Thread

Posted byLukeperry

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Reply: Crying over everything... and I mean everything

Of course your depressed. You just moved, your friend just died, your whole life has...

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Reply: Don't Like What I've Become

Roller, I know exactly how you feel. Children don't come with directions, so all we can...

Posted by Lukeperry

Roller,

I know exactly how you feel. Children don't come with directions, so all we can do, is our best. I (happily) gave my children the first half of my life, but now I'd like to live the last half for me. I'm sure that you did the best you could, just like me, with what we had to work with. I gave them everything and I went without. (gladly, because they are our responsibility)

You asked, what is your purpose on earth? You answered that question in the first part of this letter. Look at all the people you've helped. You've given strength to, hope to, and are never too far away to always help them. Your doing your calling, but that doesn't mean your going to get any gratitude, help from them, or even a thank you. Especially from your kids. Them seem to think you owe them your life.

You owe them love, to be cared for when they're little, and kept safe. You try and raise them to be self sufficient, and to always love them. They owe us respect, and mine think I was the worst Mother on earth.

I got tired of them still trying to run my life, in there 30's. They need to run their own, and take care of there kids. I feel that it's my turn to be free, and I have stopped letting them make me cry, or feel like I was a terrible Mother. I came from an alcoholic Mom, a Father who ran off and left us. I've probably been depressed since I was a little hungry kid.

I was the best Mother I could be at the age of 18, or any age, constantly shaking and constantly scared that I wouldn't be the perfect Mother. I had no role model, but my children were always happy and always felt loved. They turned out just like I wanted. Self sufficient, strong, and brave. Yet they hate me for things I don't even know about. I've begged forgiveness, just like you. It seems that the only thing they didn't learn from my actions, and teaching's, are the most important things that they need to know on this earth. Compassion, forgiveness, and loving unconditionally.

You need to try and do what I did, that made me stop hating myself, for failing them. I know that did the best I could, not the best or less for others. I know that I did the best I could possibly do, and I'm tired of them constantly trying to hurt me. As if they were 10yrs. old.

So I decided to forgive myself for what I did wrong, & I don't try to call or write them anymore. They already ran my life for the 1st half and I refuse to give them what's left. I still cry for a min. some days, then I remember how much I've given them, and I stop. We did the BEST that we could and nobody could have done better. They are choosing to be ingrates and that's there choice. I told them not to forget what God said. He said," he will forgive us, the way we forgive others." So, I just pray for them all the time, because they're in lots of trouble.

You did your best, you know it for a fact, and you can't do anymore. Stop trying to make them forgive you, it will never work. Just keep loving them and stay away. Kids have a way to make there Mom's, not there Dads feel like they did everything wrong to them. The number one thing you have to do, is forgive yourself for not being perfect. Nobody is! You also need to start doing some things for yourself. Your job might be to save all those other lost people, but don't forget saving yourself too. You deserve it! God Bless

LukeView Thread

Posted byLukeperry

(FromDepression Support Group)

58 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Don't Like What I've Become Roller, I know exactly how you feel. Children don't come with directions, so all we can...

Reply: Today I Stopped The Snow Ball Effect

Hi, I told that story, hoping that somebody might be able to copy me. I think one of our...

Posted by Lukeperry

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Today I Stopped The Snow Ball Effect

Hi Everyone, Today I tried to have my prescription filled, and they told me it didn't go...

Posted by Lukeperry

Hi Everyone,

Today I tried to have my prescription filled, and they told me it didn't go through. I called the ins. company and they said I no longer had any insurance. I immediately started freaking out. I thought oh no, what about all my doctors that I have to see almost monthly, and all my prescription's? What am I going to do? Then I started shaking and worrying about all those things, that hadn't happened yet.

Wright that second, I stopped myself from all those negative thoughts, and said "stop, God has always taken care of you, and he's not going to stop now." One of the blessings we get from what ever form of mental illness we have,(bi-polar, depression, etc...) is we have a closer connection with God, then well people have. I've noticed that from the way you write on here, and from the people that I know personally.

Today, I stopped myself from the snowball, negative effect, which saved me so much grief. I called the ins. people back, they had made a mistake, everything was the same.

I also walked to the store, it's about 7 blocks from my apt.(gave myself a pat on the back for that) Calling the insurance co. and talking to a bunch of different people. (another pat on the back) I think that we all deserve a pat on the back every time we do something that's difficult for us. We can't keep having negative thoughts, without replacing them with positive ones. My shrink explained it like this, say our brain is like a bank, If we keep taking out neg. thought's, pretty soon the bank will be empty. So, we have to keep replacing them with positive ones. I hope I said that right.

Thanks for listening, I needed to tell somebody, who would understand what I'm talking about, how I stopped those neg. thoughts from snowballing (if you don't believe in God, you can still stop them). Plus I wanted to say, don't forget to pat yourself on the back, every time you do something that's difficult for you. Like cleaning a room, emptying the dish washing etc.... Because, you deserve it.

LukeView Thread

Posted byLukeperry

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Reply: Hello

Hi Alex, I'm so happy if I helped you at all. Oh, I almost forgot," HAPPY NEW YEAR! "...

Posted by Lukeperry

10 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Hello Hi Alex, I'm so happy if I helped you at all. Oh, I almost forgot," HAPPY NEW YEAR! "...

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