Did you know that chronic pain causes depression? And some people will have bad pain, when they get depressed. So right there, it sounds like a vicious circle.
If you want to meet people who suffer from depression, you've come to the right place. Almost everyone on here are depressed, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. You need to know that it's a disease and the only thing you can do for it, is treat it, either with a doctor, medication or both.
First of all, stop being so hard on yourself, stop beating yourself up. I bet if you knew me, you wouldn't hate me, or be ashamed of me. You would probably be nice and try to help me. So why don't you deserve the same courtesy, & treatment? Stop being your own worse enemy. I like you, and it's just from reading the way you write, you sound very nice.
All the things you said, about not wanting to leave the house, having no goals, and not caring about waking up. They are all caused by depression. Have you seen a psychiatrist yet? You need some medication to help you get through this, you can get anti-depressants from your GP, until you can see the psychiatrist.
Are you in pain management for your back? Your GP should get you in it. You don't really want to die, you just want the pain (both mental, & physical) to stop. God is still with you, we leave him, he never leaves us. When I was very ill and in a lot of pain, I asked him to please give me strength, and to be by my side, while I was going through it. He did it, & by being by my side, I got a plus that I didn't ask for. I didn't have any pain, or throw up. So that was great. Ask him again in a different way.
I'm sure that you know your going to have to change your life. You need to find something you like, that you're able to do with your hurt back. Does the doctor give you anything for your pain? You also need someone to talk to, maybe a therapist? What are you doing for your back? You need help for sure, you can't do this alone.
There is no reason for you to be ashamed, you've been through a lot, in a short period of time. You've been doing the best you can, so be proud of your accomplishments. Try not to dwell on what you haven't done, instead try and see all that you have done. Write again if you feel like it. I hope I didn't sound like a know it all. If I did, I'm sorry.
There are a lot of people on here, that know just the right things to say. I'm sure other people will ans. you to. God bless. LukeView Thread
I'm sorry that your so lonesome, but you do deserve your animals. Why do you think somebody else deserves them, and not you? You deserve a nice husband, you deserve all the pet's that you can take care of. You deserve everything in life, that you want. Why would somebody else deserve these things and not you? Your husband is making your depression worse, or he might be causing the whole thing.
You need to find a way to get away from him. He's the reason that you feel unworthy of anything. If somebody kept telling me I was worthless, stupid, ugly, or my favorite, "you can't ever leave me, you can't take care of yourself, who would hire you?" Oh yell, I remember why that all sounded so familiar to me. My ex use to treat me like that, and say all those things.
My family and friends asked me, "what is that man doing to you, your loosing the light, that you use to have behind your eyes." My mother, who doesn't believe in divorce told me to get out of that house, before he stole my soul. That was after I'd only been married for 6mo. I didn't leave right then, (because of money) I did leave 7mo. later and had to move in with my mother (i didn't want to do that, but it was the lesser of the two evils.)
He will destroy you, if you stay, & It sounds like your already at the end of your rope. Can you move in with anybody, or give him his own bedroom, and don't speak while your saving some money? (don't dare tell him what your doing) All I know is by the time I left, I felt 4"tall, and useless. But I had 2 children to support, so I went out and got a job within 3days. See, he was so wrong about me, and so is yours.
He is constantly, mentally abusing you, to keep you small and make him big. You need to start fighting back, and not let him win! Is he violent or anything like that. To me, mental abuse is probably the worse. Can you stay with your mom, sister, or a friend for a month? As if depression isn't bad enough, you have him on your back also. Write back, if you feel like it and good luck. Stop listening to, or believing a thing, that comes out your hubby's mouth.
The reason people treat us disrespectfully, is because they can't see our disability, so in their mind, your perfectly normal. If you had your leg cut off, then they would say,"poor thing, he(she) should be on disability.
They are just ignorant as to what depression is. It's a legal disease, and hopefully none of them will get it. If they do, they will be lost, and full of remorse, for the way they treated us.
Of course your not a bad person! You are just sick and sometimes you need help, like anybody else who gets sick. Don't you let those people bother you. Forgive them for there ignorance, and stay away from them. God Bless You, and stay strong.
Of course you didn't insult me. Ask me what ever you want. I think my depression was partly genetic and partly from my uncle molesting me when I was about 3yrs. until 5yrs. My father abandoning me at age 10 probably did some damage also.
I've had probably 2 good therapist, out of 10, through my lifetime. As you already know, it's VERY HARD to find a good therapist, and I can't tolerate anti-depressants. The only way I got through it all, were tranquilizers, God, and my best friend, who also happens to be my sister. She went and sat with me for all those hrs. on chemo day. I think God sent her to me when I got sick, because we hadn't spoken to each other, in7yrs.! I have no idea what the fight was about, & neither does she.
When I got sick, I told my husband not to call my sister and tell her. Because I wanted her to like me when I was well, not just because I was sick, & possibly dying. He ignored me and called her, then she called me, and we cried, then laughed together. We went right back to being best friends, as if we were together the day before.
The question you asked about losing the depression, from either the disease itself, or the chemo., was a good question. I wondered about that too. But it couldn't have been from that, because I started feeling better right after I went home in shock, and said that little prayer. In fact, I didn't start chemo until 2mo. later.
I think It was me learning, that I have no control over anything. No matter what people tell you, we still think we have some control. What about the people who get struck by lightening, or killed by a bus? Nobody, had any control over those things. When I find out about my disease, first I got mad at God, for not protecting me. Then after thinking about it, I said to myself, "it happens to others, so why not me?"
So I didn't really have much of a choice, but to let God take over my life. That's a very hard thing to do, unless you get sick and could possibly die. Then it's a lot easier. I don't care how I got to my new relationship with God, all I know is my life has never been better, happier, easier, and making decision's are sooo easy. He just keeps guiding me, through life, and he's not vague. You ask him, "what should I do about......?" He shows me his choice & gives me 2. I've done it my way, ignoring him before, & they were the worst choice I could have made.
That's my hypotheses anyway.(ha!) God still has to keep reminding me to stop and listen to his way, if I want the easy way. This all sounds so simple, that it doesn't sound probable. That's the way it is though, it's very simple! All I did was ask, "please stay by my side and please give me strength?"
Most people won't ask for his help, because they don't feel worthy. I'm just as big a sinner as most people,(excluding Ted Bundy) & just as unworthy, but unlike them, I will always ask for Gods help. The good news is, he has never told me no, never. God bless. LukeView Thread
I was thinking about what you wrote about depression being scary and I thought, maybe we're scared and that makes us depressed. I know for sure that they go hand in hand. When my children were young and I had to do all the mother stuff, I was constantly scared. I was too scared to go to the store, or their school, or do anything, sober. I stayed drunk, or I wouldn't have been able to leave the house. (people didn't know, I was good at hiding it.)
They grew up and have moved on with their lives, I stayed in my house too scared to leave. I didn't leave it for years. During all that time, I was so depressed for being such a chicken, staying in the house, where I would be safe. (that's when I found this board, all of you would make me take a shower, walk outside, always making me feel like I had friends all the sudden) But I was still scared.
Then I got cancer, and had a fear like I never had before. The day the doctor said the word cancer, I went home in shock. I had to make a decision, either go completely insane, or turn my terrible fear over to God. I asked him to please be with me, and to please give me strength to get through this. He immediately held my hand, and I haven't been afraid or depressed since. I could feel him. It was the greatest feeling!
For some unknown reason, God wouldn't show me, or let me know certain things when I was younger. Only lately, since I'm older, did he start letting me in on 'some' things. We all know that he does everything on HIS time schedule, not ours.
The fear went away partly from God, but it was also finding out that I didn't really have control over anything in my life. Staying in the house wasn't safe,(i got cancer) no place is really safe. Being afraid is futile, so we need to stop doing it. When I could feel God with me,(all I did was ask) being able to turn my life over to him was easy. Because, I didn't want to be in control of that mess, "at all." I also got a bonus, everything he would guide me towards, turned out to be the best decision I could have made, so my life got easier, better and happier.
It still is, even though I recently found out that I have a brain tumor. It came from my breast cancer. He made everything that I had to go through during my treatments, so easy. I felt really bad for all the other people, I had to watch getting sick.
You are a very special person, whom God made to love, and all he wants in return, is to be loved. Each one of us is special to him, just like your kids are to you. I feel like I have a super hero with me at all times, so how can you be scared of anything, with a super hero at your side? I can't explain what happened with my depression, ( I had since I was 14), but it's gone.(for now at least, and I'll take that any day.)
I'm sorry this is sooo long, I apologize for taking up so much space, and thank you for reading it. God bless.
I really don't know anything about Jaws.(except he was in a James Bond movie) ha! just kidding. I was going through this board, read his sadness, and ans. what I believe. It sounded like he's trying to run away from himself. But what do I know?
Now, back to you. I'm sorry that you've had such bad experience's with seemingly religious people. They weren't really religious. That is something between them and God. I know people who go to Mass every Sunday, then they cheat, lie, and steal, the rest of the week. They are far from happy! That's because they know how they really are, and they never will be happy.
I am not some holy roller, I only give advise if I'm asked. I have a very close relationship with God. Even though I miss Mass, forget to say my prayers, and sin, sin and sin. We are only human, and God knows that we sin. All he wants from you, is for you to love him. That's not to much to ask for, from someone who loves you unconditionally, forgives you for every single thing you ever did wrong, and will always help you, when you need it. He only wants our love. He will always give us his, ALWAYS!
If your interested, I have a few miracles, I can tell you about later. The last one has to do with cancer. LukeView Thread
What do you mean, it's is a lonely world out there? No it isn't, I've been everywhere and everyplace. From what I remember, it was great! Your trying to run away from yourself, and I'm sure you already heard this. Where ever you go, your still going to run into yourself! I really don't know anything about you, but the only way you can find peace, and happiness, is within yourself. That takes you trusting in God! He knows how you feel, and he knows your in trouble. Have you asked for his help? Don't do what most people do, they won't ask for help, because they feel unworthy.
Nobody is worthy! He loves us anyway! We are all fallible humans. He doesn't care, all he wants is for you to ask him for help. Have you done that? Did you expect a instant answer? He is with you always, and is going to do what's best for you, now. He doesn't always do what you want, he does what's best for you at the time.
You have nothing to lose, so try following God's guide. He doesn't have the same time period that you have. Just say, "God forgive me and help me, I need your help desperately."
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUCHA, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!! YAHOO! How's that? I'm sorry that your family doesn't appreciate you, that's there lose! Don't you know that?
Keep being yourself, and tell them to like it, or drop dead. You don't need them, make new friends. The ones you pick, the people who like you when your nice, and still like you when your grouchy! I have friends that are closer to me then my family. I think of them as my family.
Your not alone anymore! You have all of us on here! As far as getting food goes, you will have to give me some information. What state are you in? I'll make sure you stop being hungry! I know we aren't your blood family, but we can still be your best friends. Tell me what state your in, and I will tell you what you can do tomorrow. Keep remembering that your not alone anymore.