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Lukeperry

Joined: 02/05/2010

My Story:

Hi,

My name is Nancy, I'm 55years old, and I have two grown children. I was so depressed, I wouldn't even take a shower,(for a week). That's when I found this site. Everybody on here was so sweet and they genuinely cared about me. It was great, & perfect timing. I couldn't have gone on much longer, without your help.

I would get on here 1st thing in the morning and one or all of my 5special friends, would ask me about last night, tell me to go eat something and to take a shower, then come back. There was about 5 of us that came on everyday, then, of course new people would come too. Almost everybody I knew then, are gone. It was when WMD changed there format, and it became difficult to find people to ans., or ask questions.

I missed all my friends on here, especially when I found out that I had stage III breast cancer. I had chemo first, to save as much of my breast as possible, so I could have a lumpectomy. I went to the hospital, for my lumpectomy, and they always do a mammogram 1st, to see exactly where the cancer is. While I had that done, a radiologist came in the room to ask me if I'd be shocked, or upset, if I needed a mastectomy? I almost fainted, and I couldn't breath. In 10min.,I went from getting to keep my breast, to having it amputated! Of course I was upset, I couldn't even wrap my brain around it. So they rescheduled my surgery for the next week. All I knew, was I had to get out of that room!

I know that I talk about God a lot, I just hope I don't turn people off, by doing it too much. I lived through a miracle, & feel that I need to share it, because everybody on this board can have them. All of us have a lot of miracle's during our lifetime, but we don't even recognize them.

Stage III is pretty serious, you can die. I came home from the surgeon in shock, ready to lose my mind.(I had never been this scared in my life) I laid down on my bed and begged God to please give me strength for me & to help my family.(they were worse off then me) I also asked him to please be right by my side, because I'd never been so scared, in my whole life. The next day when I woke up, I could feel him in bed with me(kind of attached) and I had no fear! I still have no fear, because I live with a super hero, I talk to him all the time, like he's standing next to me. It's the greatest feeling in the world.

During my chemo, I never threw up, never got ill,(all the other patients were getting ill because our white blood count were so low.) & I had no bone pain. You never would have known I was sick, if it weren't for my bald head. My sister always went with me, and we laughed the whole time we were there. Other people could hear us talking and laughing (because we both have loud mouth's, due to being raised in a family of six), so we kept them laughing too. It was nice knowing that we could make people happy, while they were in awful pain. That was 2 miracle's, then another one was, I woke up happy everyday and still do.

I was fortunate enough to get to move out of the dungeon, (my old apt. the cancer house, I hated it!) into my new beautiful apt. I know God found it for me, because I had no place to move that I could afford. And I had to be out of the dungeon, in two days. My sister & I went to look at one more place, even though I knew I couldn't afford it. When we got here, the girl in the office said,"oh, you came on the perfect day, we have one that's ready to move into today, if you want. Plus, we're having a special, one month free rent." I walked into this apt., and said," This is my house." I didn't mean to say it out loud, like a crazy person. It has window's from the floor to the ceiling in every room, crown molding, and I'm on the 3rd floor. From my balcony, all you see is sky. It's like living in Heaven. Six mo ago, I found out I have a brain tumor. I'll worry about that tomorrow.

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Reply: Hello

Hi avelas or Hello, Did you know that chronic pain causes depression? And some people...

Posted by Lukeperry

Hi avelas or Hello,

Did you know that chronic pain causes depression? And some people will have bad pain, when they get depressed. So right there, it sounds like a vicious circle.

If you want to meet people who suffer from depression, you've come to the right place. Almost everyone on here are depressed, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. You need to know that it's a disease and the only thing you can do for it, is treat it, either with a doctor, medication or both.

First of all, stop being so hard on yourself, stop beating yourself up. I bet if you knew me, you wouldn't hate me, or be ashamed of me. You would probably be nice and try to help me. So why don't you deserve the same courtesy, & treatment? Stop being your own worse enemy. I like you, and it's just from reading the way you write, you sound very nice.

All the things you said, about not wanting to leave the house, having no goals, and not caring about waking up. They are all caused by depression. Have you seen a psychiatrist yet? You need some medication to help you get through this, you can get anti-depressants from your GP, until you can see the psychiatrist.

Are you in pain management for your back? Your GP should get you in it. You don't really want to die, you just want the pain (both mental, & physical) to stop. God is still with you, we leave him, he never leaves us. When I was very ill and in a lot of pain, I asked him to please give me strength, and to be by my side, while I was going through it. He did it, & by being by my side, I got a plus that I didn't ask for. I didn't have any pain, or throw up. So that was great. Ask him again in a different way.

I'm sure that you know your going to have to change your life. You need to find something you like, that you're able to do with your hurt back. Does the doctor give you anything for your pain? You also need someone to talk to, maybe a therapist? What are you doing for your back? You need help for sure, you can't do this alone.

There is no reason for you to be ashamed, you've been through a lot, in a short period of time. You've been doing the best you can, so be proud of your accomplishments. Try not to dwell on what you haven't done, instead try and see all that you have done. Write again if you feel like it. I hope I didn't sound like a know it all. If I did, I'm sorry.

There are a lot of people on here, that know just the right things to say. I'm sure other people will ans. you to. God bless.
LukeView Thread

Posted byLukeperry

10 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Hello Hi avelas or Hello, Did you know that chronic pain causes depression? And some people...

Reply: so very lonely

So Very Lonely, I'm sorry that your so lonesome, but you do deserve your animals. Why do...

Posted by Lukeperry

So Very Lonely,

I'm sorry that your so lonesome, but you do deserve your animals. Why do you think somebody else deserves them, and not you? You deserve a nice husband, you deserve all the pet's that you can take care of. You deserve everything in life, that you want. Why would somebody else deserve these things and not you? Your husband is making your depression worse, or he might be causing the whole thing.

You need to find a way to get away from him. He's the reason that you feel unworthy of anything. If somebody kept telling me I was worthless, stupid, ugly, or my favorite, "you can't ever leave me, you can't take care of yourself, who would hire you?" Oh yell, I remember why that all sounded so familiar to me. My ex use to treat me like that, and say all those things.

My family and friends asked me, "what is that man doing to you, your loosing the light, that you use to have behind your eyes." My mother, who doesn't believe in divorce told me to get out of that house, before he stole my soul. That was after I'd only been married for 6mo. I didn't leave right then, (because of money) I did leave 7mo. later and had to move in with my mother (i didn't want to do that, but it was the lesser of the two evils.)

He will destroy you, if you stay, & It sounds like your already at the end of your rope. Can you move in with anybody, or give him his own bedroom, and don't speak while your saving some money? (don't dare tell him what your doing) All I know is by the time I left, I felt 4"tall, and useless. But I had 2 children to support, so I went out and got a job within 3days. See, he was so wrong about me, and so is yours.

He is constantly, mentally abusing you, to keep you small and make him big. You need to start fighting back, and not let him win! Is he violent or anything like that. To me, mental abuse is probably the worse. Can you stay with your mom, sister, or a friend for a month? As if depression isn't bad enough, you have him on your back also. Write back, if you feel like it and good luck. Stop listening to, or believing a thing, that comes out your hubby's mouth.

LukeView Thread

Posted byLukeperry

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:so very lonely So Very Lonely, I'm sorry that your so lonesome, but you do deserve your animals. Why do...

Reply: What do you wish the world knew about depression?

Hi BB, The reason people treat us disrespectfully, is because they can't see our...

Posted by Lukeperry

68 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:What do you wish the world knew about depression? Hi BB, The reason people treat us disrespectfully, is because they can't see our...

Reply: What do you wish the world knew about depression?

Hello learn to accept, Of course you didn't insult me. Ask me what ever you want. I...

Posted by Lukeperry

Hello learn to accept,

Of course you didn't insult me. Ask me what ever you want. I think my depression was partly genetic and partly from my uncle molesting me when I was about 3yrs. until 5yrs. My father abandoning me at age 10 probably did some damage also.

I've had probably 2 good therapist, out of 10, through my lifetime. As you already know, it's VERY HARD to find a good therapist, and I can't tolerate anti-depressants. The only way I got through it all, were tranquilizers, God, and my best friend, who also happens to be my sister. She went and sat with me for all those hrs. on chemo day. I think God sent her to me when I got sick, because we hadn't spoken to each other, in7yrs.! I have no idea what the fight was about, & neither does she.

When I got sick, I told my husband not to call my sister and tell her. Because I wanted her to like me when I was well, not just because I was sick, & possibly dying. He ignored me and called her, then she called me, and we cried, then laughed together. We went right back to being best friends, as if we were together the day before.

The question you asked about losing the depression, from either the disease itself, or the chemo., was a good question. I wondered about that too. But it couldn't have been from that, because I started feeling better right after I went home in shock, and said that little prayer. In fact, I didn't start chemo until 2mo. later.

I think It was me learning, that I have no control over anything. No matter what people tell you, we still think we have some control. What about the people who get struck by lightening, or killed by a bus? Nobody, had any control over those things. When I find out about my disease, first I got mad at God, for not protecting me. Then after thinking about it, I said to myself, "it happens to others, so why not me?"

So I didn't really have much of a choice, but to let God take over my life. That's a very hard thing to do, unless you get sick and could possibly die. Then it's a lot easier. I don't care how I got to my new relationship with God, all I know is my life has never been better, happier, easier, and making decision's are sooo easy. He just keeps guiding me, through life, and he's not vague. You ask him, "what should I do about......?" He shows me his choice & gives me 2. I've done it my way, ignoring him before, & they were the worst choice I could have made.

That's my hypotheses anyway.(ha!) God still has to keep reminding me to stop and listen to his way, if I want the easy way. This all sounds so simple, that it doesn't sound probable. That's the way it is though, it's very simple! All I did was ask, "please stay by my side and please give me strength?"

Most people won't ask for his help, because they don't feel worthy. I'm just as big a sinner as most people,(excluding Ted Bundy) & just as unworthy, but unlike them, I will always ask for Gods help. The good news is, he has never told me no, never. God bless.
LukeView Thread

Posted byLukeperry

68 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:What do you wish the world knew about depression? Hello learn to accept, Of course you didn't insult me. Ask me what ever you want. I...

Reply: What do you wish the world knew about depression?

Hi Amie, I was thinking about what you wrote about depression being scary and I thought,...

Posted by Lukeperry

Hi Amie,

I was thinking about what you wrote about depression being scary and I thought, maybe we're scared and that makes us depressed. I know for sure that they go hand in hand. When my children were young and I had to do all the mother stuff, I was constantly scared. I was too scared to go to the store, or their school, or do anything, sober. I stayed drunk, or I wouldn't have been able to leave the house. (people didn't know, I was good at hiding it.)

They grew up and have moved on with their lives, I stayed in my house too scared to leave. I didn't leave it for years. During all that time, I was so depressed for being such a chicken, staying in the house, where I would be safe. (that's when I found this board, all of you would make me take a shower, walk outside, always making me feel like I had friends all the sudden) But I was still scared.

Then I got cancer, and had a fear like I never had before. The day the doctor said the word cancer, I went home in shock. I had to make a decision, either go completely insane, or turn my terrible fear over to God. I asked him to please be with me, and to please give me strength to get through this. He immediately held my hand, and I haven't been afraid or depressed since. I could feel him. It was the greatest feeling!

For some unknown reason, God wouldn't show me, or let me know certain things when I was younger. Only lately, since I'm older, did he start letting me in on 'some' things. We all know that he does everything on HIS time schedule, not ours.

The fear went away partly from God, but it was also finding out that I didn't really have control over anything in my life. Staying in the house wasn't safe,(i got cancer) no place is really safe. Being afraid is futile, so we need to stop doing it. When I could feel God with me,(all I did was ask) being able to turn my life over to him was easy. Because, I didn't want to be in control of that mess, "at all." I also got a bonus, everything he would guide me towards, turned out to be the best decision I could have made, so my life got easier, better and happier.

It still is, even though I recently found out that I have a brain tumor. It came from my breast cancer. He made everything that I had to go through during my treatments, so easy. I felt really bad for all the other people, I had to watch getting sick.

You are a very special person, whom God made to love, and all he wants in return, is to be loved. Each one of us is special to him, just like your kids are to you. I feel like I have a super hero with me at all times, so how can you be scared of anything, with a super hero at your side? I can't explain what happened with my depression, ( I had since I was 14), but it's gone.(for now at least, and I'll take that any day.)

I'm sorry this is sooo long, I apologize for taking up so much space, and thank you for reading it. God bless.

LukeView Thread

Posted byLukeperry

68 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:What do you wish the world knew about depression? Hi Amie, I was thinking about what you wrote about depression being scary and I thought,...

Reply: jaws86-anyone there?

Hi Anubis, I really don't know anything about Jaws.(except he was in a James Bond movie)...

Posted by Lukeperry

50 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:jaws86-anyone there? Hi Anubis, I really don't know anything about Jaws.(except he was in a James Bond movie)...

Reply: jaws86-anyone there?

What do you mean, it's is a lonely world out there? No it isn't, I've been everywhere and...

Posted by Lukeperry

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Reply: jaws86-anyone there?

Hello Jaws, Are you feeling any better? I was surfing the web Md sites, and I just read...

Posted by Lukeperry

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Reply: so unhappy

Bucha, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUCHA, HAPPY...

Posted by Lukeperry

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Reply: so unhappy

Your not alone anymore! You have all of us on here! As far as getting food goes, you will...

Posted by Lukeperry

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