That is true that is what I have been doing,trying to use comedy/light heartedness to let everyone know even when you have wild swings to keep plugging along.There's only so much I can take.I went from why me to lets do this to "f"it.Negativity is part of life I try to stay positive but I've reach the end of my rope.People die everyday its no biggie you hear about some story of this person found dead/murdered and yeah its shock and tragic but then time moves on and you forget about it if I had friends/family then I might think differently,but I dont so its me and this time I'm going to be selfish.Maybe by me doing this someone will find the cure either cancer,aids,walk the moon because it motivates them to control better.My mental capacities have been diminished I'm not going to be around much longer anyhoo,so at least this way I do have control over something.Nothing is ridiculous....if YOU believe it.DerrekView Thread
I have been trying and not just giving it lip service.My resources arent there,I can only get 50 test strips per month with state assit health insurance even purchasing the sidekick from walmart I would need to buy 4-5 of them to get the min 250 strips that a brittle diabetic whose control is outta wack needs thats 80-100 dollars I dont have.I know excuses are like.....but I had/have know idea of what I am doing,no insurance until this month and everything has been guess work up till then,Having to bounce from job to job no set lifestyle pattern,sure poor choices in eating habits didnt help,frankly I think the Drs' were as surprised as me that I was still kickin.Yeah you can say now I'VE GIVIN UP.I had just set up appointments with the eye surgeon,endo/nutr,nurologist,plus two appointments for disability I had to cancel when I found out that I had to leave(I would have to travel over 30 miles in two counties with no transportation the bus will only take me so far)my residence,look I've tried to talk to different friends,my family is either deceased or outta state,cant afford a taxi the appointments I made dont have a delivery service I will have no more phone service.The state either wont help or cant(for christ sake everytime my doc puts through a prescript the state wont cover it I'm lucky I got 50 strips and "R")Living outside in the cold,rain,heat,wind,snow thats not good for anyone esp a diabetic I still need to buy a tent or tarp to make a lean-to,sleepingbag plus you have drunks,druggies and who knows felons/rapist.No showers,all it is,is a plot of land with tents,tarps and people maybe if you lucky a porta-potty.I mean what do I do?Its midnight here and I've spent all day either talking to people or packing.Everyone keeps telling me to get my numbers down get in control I've tried now I'm crashing and everyones pissed the way I look at it I would rather be high in my numbers if I cant control it cause at least I wont crash sure I'm doing damage but at least it will be later in life that right now.I have always said live for the moment cause when you get hit by the bus tomorrow you'll wish you had.I would maybe have 6 crashes a year with my BSL high,now I've had 6 and the month isnt even over yet.My doc conceded and said keep my numbers elevated backed my lantus down to 10( from 25-30)1/20 on the "R" now my seizures are there and the roomies thought it was because of low sugars when I had my seizure my bsl was 204,the doc at the hospital said it wasnt from my sugars.So if I'm gonna die I'll do it on my terms.Thanks for your concern I really do appreciate it and everyone elses input.DerrekView Thread
Thank you brunosbud I have decided to take the "low road"because of my deteriotating medical status my roomies"voted me off the island" I'm going to "Nickelsville" a homeless area in Seattle as of Friday the 31st.I will take 150 units of insulin r with 100 units of lantus.I am content and of depressed and sound mind 42 years is good for me I'm not going to be President,come up with a cure for cancer,or walk on the moon.At least from one aspect(my family) IT WILL END WITH ME.Thank you Derrek aka"digm70"MillerView Thread
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