Hey there! I'm glad you've acknowledged that you're concerned you may be developing an eating disorder. As someone who's struggled with one for just about 9 years (it started out shortly after I turned 18, and I turned 27 in May) and is currently in IOP (Intensive Out-Patient) and DBT therapy, it definitely sounds like you are and your concerns are not to be ignored, nor taken lightly.
I had many similar thoughts and behaviors when my disorder first crept up on me. I spent about six years in denial, convincing myself that I didn't have a problem, it wasn't THAT big of a deal, living in the mindset of, "I'll get help when I want to. "026I just don't want to yet!", etc. I spent six years lying to myself and being in denial about my disorder when I could have been getting help for it. I basically lost six years of my life because I was living in my own stubborn mindset.
I really give you props for reaching out now, and I REALLY hope you'll talk to your family about your concerns that you shared here, and see a doctor. Getting into therapy ASAP can be a huge factor in how long you'll be living with an eating disorder, and when you'll be in recovery.
I personally don't believe E/D's can ever be 'cured' or 'go away'. BUT, with the proper treatment and if you work hard, are honest with yourself and your therapist, you can live a life in recovery and win the battle.
Try to find a therapist who is licensed in and specialized in treating eating disorders and body image disorders. The sooner you seek help, the sooner you'll be healthy again and have your life back and be in control of your life, vs. the disorder controlling your life. I speak from experience.
Be honest. I know it can be VERY hard, but that is the most important part of therapy -- being 100% honest and open. If you're not comfortable with the first therapist you see after a few sessions, don't hesitate to try someone new. Sometimes you just don't 'click' with a therapist for whatever the reason may be. When you find the right person, you'll know. I personally find it's easiest for me to talk with therapists who are also women and only about 5-10 years older than me. It's just easier do me to talk with them. My current therapist fits that description and she's been extremely helpful in my treatment thus far.
Wishing you the very best of luck! Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help you find helpful resources or just need someone to talk to. Take care and work on getting healthy again.
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