You may want to look up exercise bulimia. It might be one of the pieces to the puzzle. But honestly what is in a name? It doesn't matter too much if your ex-therapist doesn't call it an eating disorder or not. It is what it is and it is running your life.
The problem with just exercising is that it is very easy to burn yourself out. I am living proof of it (as I sit here rubbing my sore knee, arm, neck...). This might be a reason your are less motivated.
Now I cannot remember where you are on your BMI. If it is low I can really afirm that it is really easy for your body to rebel and for you want of food to be ever present.
I have found that I must take times like these and just acept them graciously. Right now my body is screaming for mercy. And I am trying to listen to it. So should you. Take rest Cat. Really. And get some good nutrition in you. Rest your mind.
Let me know what you think of the exercise bulimia and how it may fit or not with you.
On Monday night there will be an episode of Intervention dealing with our subject manner. I just thought it might be informative in some way.
From the A&E website:
Monday, April 19th 09:00 pm ET Tuesday, April 20th 01:00 am ET Amy and her family escaped the violence of apartheid-era South Africa and immigrated to Canada 22 years ago. But Amy suffered from anxiety and low self-esteem, and she became anorexic and, soon after, bulimic. Now she lives alone in the basement of her family's house and steals from family members to pay for her eating binges. Weighing only 92 pounds, Amy is on the brink of death.View Thread
Just after you write, "noxious emanations" you talk about bottling the weather around you ... I don't know MSP. I just may have to pass on your joyous 'gift' of good weather. (attempt at humor)
Congrats on the 2 days.
I watched Lord of the Rings series this weekend. Were Gollum has a relationship with the ring, withered his body and soul to an unrecognizable figure. And the ring ultimately destroyed him. I could not help but see a correlation between us and ED. How Frodo might of been lost without the help of Samwise. And how even after the ring was destroyed it forever changed their lives.
I am glad that you take the time to plug a few words down MSP. I do hope you are having luck with finding a clinic.
I understand where you are coming from but you also have to look at it from their shoes. They are seeing you on a crash course and are trying to correct you before you get to a risky weight. You may still be of healthy weight but one day you may not. They see this as a likely outcome.
Heed their concerns. I constantly deny I have problems but evry once in awhile I have a lucid day.
Hey MSP let's keep it real. Your weight and age are not intertwinded. There are a lot of skinny old people and a lot of of fat kids who grew up to be skinny. Of course it gets harder for many as life has a way of making more priorities and many lose touch with what is relly important.
Look at your example Brad Pitt. He is a year older then me. He is in fine shape because he works at it. You shouldn't compare yourself to him. Bt then it is his job as an actor.
I hear you putting yourself down again. Quit jabbing yourself. Hold your head up my friend.
On a side note that BMI thing...Argh! Crud like that really bothers me. Part of my mind gets all whacko and I want to proove my fitness. This of course is right in line with the trouble we all have here. We want to show the world that we are somebody. I catch myself on this delusionary need to be validated. I do not need their approval. You do not either. You only need your own approval. You are not going to get it if you keep putting yourself down. Quit comparing and be you.View Thread
Well that rules that out. I was going to say if you were in the North East that we'd go for a jog and talk about it.
I once went to an eating disorder group session. First and last one ever. I felt so uncomfortable around all the girls and in some light felt as if I stifled their discussion with a male there. Having a male at a clinic can be a trigger and could possibly upset the recovery of the women there. It is just easier for inpatient treatment to get rid of as many triggers/variables that they can. I don't know how many times here I felt as if I shouldn't be here trying to help. Being a guy and suffering from ED has bigger hurdles for us MSP.
By the way, while I do not purge anymore I am very strict on myself as to what I can and cannot eat. In a sense I keep my troubles at bay by keeping myself healthy, at a proper weight, and eating healthy.
I recently filled out a form for health insurance and it did some generic calculations to figure out my BMI. I was so perturbed when I saw that number. In their 'comments' section I gave them an earful. In here I have always tried to express that your number one priority is to happy in your skin no matter what you weigh or BMI is. The goal is to stop the abuse and then slowly modify yourself to a healthy weight. Each of us is different in our own right, genetics and life's experiences have seen to that.
I have residuals that won't let go. The people I feel comfortable talking with are the people here. To hell with normal people MSP. When you deal with 'normal' people you may not ever relate. Is there something wrong with not relating? Can you not walk your own path? Sure stop and say hi but these normal people are not in your mind 24/7. If they are... get them out. Be you MSP.
Yes, purging sucks but do not compound it by having so many negatives (unless you are just venting). When you realize that you have worth in your own eyes the ED will be something you can tackle. If you dig a hole you and the ED will sit there staring at each other. Vent here, don't give up looking for a place that takes guys. If it is out of state then so be it. What is it worth to get over this?View Thread
Number one priority: Do NOT be wishy-washy. Is it 101, 98, or 95? You will get down to say... 98 and then say maybe 93 or 92. And then further and further. Don't do it.
I say... 101 for you. Regardless what you choose, stick with it. Tattoo it in your brain. There is NO REASON for you to get lighter then that. I do not care what you tell yourself. There is no reason. So pick a number and be firm with it. If you go below it you simply eat more.
What have you done to deal with your depression? I try to stay active and get some sun in my life as much as possible. It seems to help. Understand that people who suffer from an eating disorder get there because of other troubles such as depression. You must be doubly careful that you do not slip.
As for angular cheeks. You know... I wish my face was full. After so many years being thin I can eat a lot and my face still look gaunt. I should caution you that you should love the look you have. There is much to be said about having a healthy radiance about you. Life's not all about being chiseled.