I have looked up a problem I have and cannot find information on it. I think it may be a very unique "phobia," if you can call it that. It's an eating problem, but it does NOT relate to any worries about weight, health, choking, or appearance. I don't have any problems with my sense of taste. I think it MAY relate to depression, but in a very unique way:
I find I am OFTEN unable to eat--even when I'm hungry!--simply because the act of eating itself is absolutely disgusting and abhorrent to me. Putting food into my mouth, crunching it around to a disgusting pulp, sitting there, like a stupid monkey, chewing food--I simply cannot deal with this!! It makes me feel primitive, disgusting, monkey-like, and perhaps worst of all--completely trapped by this process for the rest of my life. It's so embarrassingly human--I feel I might as well sit at the table with someone and go to the bathroom together. Why not--we're already sitting there revolving mush around in our mouths like idiots, and when someone says, "mmmm!" I'm about ready to vomit. When I see people eating on TV, I have to look away. I have to eat alone, because I can't stand being around other people eating. A single crunching sound makes my skin crawl and can kill my whole appetite. It doesn't matter at all what the taste of the food is, though I find I can stomach soup or liquids better because they don't require crunching. When I eat, it's a fast as possible; I am so anxious to get it over with. Looking at other people in a restaurant makes me anxious, depressed, and angry: we're all a bunch of monkeys stuck with the same stupid problem to deal with EVERY single day. I can't take it, and I look at food in front of me--even if I'm STARVING!--with such disgust I sometimes cannot pick it up and put in my mouth.
Outside of feeding myself with an IV drip, what in the world do I do about this?? There's no info online, and my problem seems to circumvent the usual eating problems you might have in tandem with anxieties or mental health issues. Help!!
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