It seems like lately I just want people to leave me alone. I'm in the process of divorcing my husband and I just started a new job. I moved back in with my mom and step dad about 3 months ago when I decided to divorce my husband. During that time the only time that I really have to myself is in the morning and after 8 pm. Usually nobody bothers in the morning. At night though someone is always texting me or calling me. It usually my husband calling me and any time of the day I usually don't want to talk to him. It just seems to bother me more when it's at night around this time. Just now he messaged me on Facebook and doesn't really seem to get that I want to be left alone. I told him that I wanted to be left alone yesterday and he proceeded to make me feel like crap the whole time we talked. He doesn't seem to realize that just because I don't answer his call or message that he's done something wrong. I've told him over and over again how that just means I don't want to talk to him.
It seems like everybody wants something from me. I know my boss obviously wants me to do my job but outside of that everybody just wants something from me. Especially my husband. He keeps asking when he can come see or when I'm going back down there. He keeps asking me to give him another chance and all that. It doesn't seem to matter how many times I've said no to him. He doesn't seem to realize either that since I've been up here that I've had almost no seizures. When I was still living with him I had at least one every month and now I'm closing in on being 3 months seizure free. It would be a nice new record to have. Before I got married I was 7 years seizure free. I want to at least get to where I'm 6 months seizure free. I miss waking up and only having to think about my epilepsy when I take my medicine. Now I'm constantly wondering if I will have another seizure. I know it's the best way to look at it but I just can't seem to help it lately. Especially after my last seizure left me with a scar on my ear. I've tried talking to people about it but they just don't seem to understand what I mean. I almost feel alone in all this even though I know that's not true. I got my family and my friends who are always there for me. I don't know if what I'm saying makes any sense but it's the only way I can think of to put it. I miss the way my life was when I was seizure free. I'm not one of those people that can say they miss the way their life was before being diagnosed. I was diagnosed at 13 months which I consider myself lucky for. As strange or crazy as that might sound I consider myself lucky because I can't remember a time when I didn't have epilepsy. I would rather not know what having a driver's license or know what real independence is like. Well that ends my venting. I just needed to get it all out and this forum has always been there when I needed to vent.View Thread
I am taking this slow. It's hard to get him to talk about himself so he knows more about me then I do him. Right now I think I'm putting my heart on hold. Putting up those barriers as some say. As far as his heart goes I think he's the same way. Well in a sense anyway. He hasn't had a divorce but he's had some crazy girlfriends from what I hear.
I've told him about my medicine and seizures. I haven't fully educated him yet. I think the only thing he doesn't know is the procedure of a seizure. Sadly I don't have any of those pills that you give a person when they're having a seizures. I call them "oh crap" pills. Ever since they added Keppra they haven't given me any kind of medicine for that. I haven't decided if I want to ask for one or not. The last seizure I had(5 months and 3 days ago!) lasted about a minute from what my mom said. I've never really had long seizures(in my memory) so I'm not horribly worried. Of course I'm sure some people say that and then end up having a long one.
I got some awesome news today. I decided to try and get another job especially since my mom lost her job the other day. Well I applied at this grocery store and I got hired! I'm still going back and forth on whether or not I want to keep both of them. I definitely keeping the grocery store because I'm pretty sure I'm getting more there then I do at Adidas. This will go a long way to helping me achieve my goals. I slowly but surely making my way to getting on solid footing again. The main thing that I want to do is get out of debt. I'm not sure which debt I want to get out first though. I'm really tired of my student loan bills but my medical bills are just as annoying though. The student loans would get paid quicker. That much I know for sure. I've got plans that I think will work but my plans don't always want to go the way I want them to.
I wish I had the confidence you do. I couldn't get out on a dance floor with nobody there. I don't really dance in public period. I'll sing but not very loud. There was one time that I was going to do karaoke but that was when I was REALLY drunk lol. I'm glad you had fun though. Well it's late and I have to work tomorrow. Goodnight.
My date was awesome! I found one of those very rare gentlemen. I thought they were all lost. He opened the door for me and offered me his jacket when I mentioned that the chair I was sitting in was cold. I actually wore a dress too. I haven't done that for anything but a wedding in so long. It felt nice to dress like a girl again. He held my hand while he was driving and he put his arm around when we were at the movies. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I had given up all hope on finding a man like him. Even now I'm grinning like an idiot. Just thinking about him during a really crappy day makes me smile. He tells me that I even make him blush. I've never done that to a guy. I do wonder sometimes what he sees in me that made him like me. He's so much farther along in life. He's been to graduate school and even has a career going as a teacher. The only thing that has me sorta worried is when he meets my parents. I pretty much got my strangeness from my mom lol. We were driving yesterday and she was talking about calling him loverboy. I made her promise not to call him that. I'm curious though on what she might call him or even ask him cause it's been so long. I'm kinda curious on how Bullitt(one of our dogs) is going to say hi, I guess you could say, to him. My boyfriend, before Cody, Bullitt put his nose in his crotch. I'm hoping that won't happen with Neal. I would feel horrible even though I might be laughing inside lol.
Today is a pretty big day. I have a meeting tonight with a lawyer to get the divorce process going. I want to make sure it doesn't spill over onto him as much as possible. He knows somewhat of Cody, which is another reason why I wonder, and he understand which is a relief. I'm hoping I won't need him but I'd rather have a back up plan. Cody has told me that he has a girlfriend. Well he said that he's been on a date. I haven't talked to him since that day partly because I'm a little upset with him. Not about the girl but other things that he's done/not done.There came a day where I just plain stopped caring. Any chance he had of ever convincing me to come back to him ended a couple weeks ago. He told me that even before today he had sex with a girl as well as going on a date with a different girl. When I mentioned that I had liked a guy and that I was excited about hanging with some friends. After it all happened one of the questions he asked me was if I had sex with him. That just pissed me off and I lost any feeling I had towards him.Apparently I have seemed vindictive lately which I think is BS but it's whatever.
Did you enjoy your night out? That's something I've never really done. Especially the dancing part.
Well I need to take a shower and clean up a little around here. I'll talk to you later
I've heard about the radiation thing with phones. I usually text more than I call these days. I can't believe that there was actually a day where I didn't even know what a cell phone was. It sucks that they are trying to tell you to do that.
I took a stand today. He finally pushed me to my breaking point and my mom yelling at me the least bit just threw me over the edge. I've always tried to keep my emotions under control. I hate crying in front of people. Anytime I cry it's usually at night or when nobody is home. It just feels like if I cry in front of someone it's just embarrassing. It's not something that I like people seeing. He keeps going on about how I don't care and all this other crap. Once my mom told me to stop talking to him I went upstairs and finished crying. After that I got online and unfriended him on Facebook. He hasn't seen that yet so I'm curious on how he's going to react. His conversations just wear me out so it's definitely passed time to end our conversations. Thank for the hugs . I just have to think ahead now to the really cute guy that I like that's going to be picking me up here soon. Even after all this crap today the thought of him picking me up makes me smile. Last night I couldn't stop smiling even after Cody's conversation. I'll talk to you later. Thank you for always being here for me.
He is making things an even bigger pain now cause he's saying that he's going to fight this divorce. He doesn't realize how much I just want it over. Yesterday I just started feeling lonely(I think?) and just started down the depression road again then the strangest thing happened. I think God may have answered one of my prayers. I worked today and on Tuesday's my mom has a meeting at her work. Well when she said that she had one I told her that I would just meet her at McDonald's which is across from the mall where I work. There's a kiosk right outside the store that sells hair straighteners and I kept telling them that I would stop by the next time I could actually stop. They usually try to get me to come over when I'm on my break. Well after work I stopped by there and the guy there said he would straighten my hair for me. While he was doing that he said just lay it on me and tell me how your day was. I told him about work(which was actually pretty good today) and he asked why I don't do anything with my hair. When I said that I don't really have any reason to since my soon to be ex wasn't up here and I didn't have a boyfriend. We kept talking and he noticed how negative I was. He stopped and said that you need to stop thinking about the past and stop worrying about the future. Today is what matters most was what he said. After we were done he told me to read this book about breaking negative habits which I'm going to find here soon. The only thing that would have made it better was if he had hugged me. As weird as that sounds I just really need a hug from someone. For the rest of the day I've felt more relaxed(I think that's the word I want) then I have in awhile. It's a nice feeling. I don't think he had any clue what difference he made for me today.
Alot of people have been saying that they're here for me and I never really understood how much that could mean to someone. It makes me smile now though when I think about how many people have said that to me along with keep your head up. I guess this is just one of those times where you really find out how truely lucky you are.
Well it's time for my medicine. I hope things are going good for you over there.
I'm doing my best to stay stress free but with everything these days it's not quite that easy. Volunteering and picking up shifts have helped with the money stress. The stress as far as my husband goes has changed a little. Sadly the girl isn't talking to him anymore so he went on his whole rant about he's never going to be happy again and he hates himself. It's like a never ending circle.
While everything is going crazy I just have to keep thinking about the vacation my mom and I are going on soon. I just put in for a week in September to go to Colorado to see some my aunt and some cousins. My mom said that my aunt might try and set me up with a guy. I'm really hoping that she wasn't serious lol. It will be nice to get out of this state though. This vacation is long overdue. Sorry it's been taking me so long to respond to you guys. Between work and my soon to be ex I never seem to want to do anything but read. Goodnight guys.
Well I've managed a new record this month. I have been seizure free for 3 months and 6 days. This is the longest I've gone without a seizure for at least 2 years. It seems like things are starting to look up for me too. My husband is finally starting to accept what's happening and moving on. I think it's helping that he's talking to this girl that he really likes. I'm really happy for him since we both deserve to be happy. It also helps that I've started to get more shifts. It's definitely going to help since I found out how much this divorce may cost. Hopefully this won't drag on and on like it did with my mom's divorce. From what I'm told though is that if he really wants to fight it he can only do that for a year so it won't be too much longer thankfully.
Well I just thought I've give you guys an update on everything that's happening. I hope you guys are doing good.
Anthony and Nancy,[br>That's horrible what your ex wife did. Thankfully we don't have children so we can screw them up with all this. We both had broken households more or less growing up. [br>I'm honestly worried about him. Last week he sent me an email giving me reasons why I should go back to him. One of the reasons was that if he failed again, as he put it, I wouldn't have to worry about a divorce. He was saying that I'm pretty much his only reason for living right now. After I asked him about that he said that he didn't want to put this burden on me. I told him that he needs to get some therapy but I'm not sure if that will happen or not. I'm hoping he will though. He sure pissed me off though last night saying that I was just putting my bills on him and just "running to mommy". I don't think he truely understands what I'm doing as far as taking all these shifts. Candi, I am trying to find another job. I've had a few interviews but so far that's about it. I figure the sooner I get all this money saved up I can get Cody off my back about my bills and all that. I'm just tired of dealing with him. I just have to keep this up for the next 2 months without ripping my hair out. It's just so hard to really talk to him since he wants things that I don't. It just gets very frustrating. I'm definitely not losing sleep over them deleting me. It's their loss not mine. I think I will try that D3 as soon as I can get it. Well I got to get going. My mom needs the computer since she's not have any luck with the new laptop. Sorry it took so long guys. MegView Thread
Ok so I'll start at the top and work my way down lol.
Nancy, I have 2 phones now. One is one that my mom gave me when I got up here. He doesn't have that number and I usually leave the phone that he does have in my room so technically I can't see that he calls. When I do call him it's pretty much all but begging me to see me again and to get me to come back.
Candi, I think I may be starting the way to Depression Lane as you called it but I'm also trying not to. If I get depressed it'll affect my work and then my boss will wonder what is going on. Angie's going to be spending some time at her mom's house since she isn't doing too good. Her email address is in her profile on here. She did say to say hi to everyone. I keep forgetting to so she says hi lol. I do get some peace but it just never lasts very long. It doesn't help that the brother I have that doesn't talk to me very much to begin with I pissed off so I probably won't be hearing from him for awhile. It seems like I am pretty good at pissing men off.
gardensparrow, I have been trying to take it one day at a time. It works usually for the most part.
Now for the update. Other than what I mentioned above things aren't going too bad now. Aside from pissing my brother off by wondering what the heck his problem is I've been pretty relaxed. I did find out that my hours are going to be getting cut since we aren't making the sales goals that have been set for us. That kind of bugs me but I still have some money saved up(which was never able to happen when I lived with my husband) so it won't be too big of a problem. I do enjoy working though. I think if I didn't work I would definitely be depressed. It keeps my mind off everything else that's going to hell in my life. I did find out though that alot of the friends I had down by my husband unfriended me on FaceBook but that just made me laugh. The ones that I really cared about are still on there so it doesn't bother me.
Well that's all I got for now. I will talk to you guys later. Take care.
I'm sorry about your mom. What does she take meds for?
After all these years we still haven't managed to pin point one spot for these seizures. When did a little research on the neurologist that suggested that we found out that just likes the money more or less so I'm going to a new one here soon.
It seems like everybody has that same attitude that you do as far doing what I want goes. It's only the person that it really involves that doesn't see it that way.
I haven't had any of the crazy side effects that everybody talks about with Keppra. Something weird has been happening though. Before Keppra I would get these random twinges in my legs or crotch. Every since I started Keppra though it's gotten worse. A couple days ago I had 10 twinges(I counted) in the exact same spot on my leg. The twinge only lasted a couple seconds but it was still weird. Have you had any experience like that?
Well I have to start getting ready for work. Hopefully I'll be able to cut down on all scrapes and bruises today lol.