The kiddiest movies I'll see is the Disney movies that I watched when I was a kid. I mostly wanted to see it for all the different characters they had in it. Like all the Avenger characters and stuff like that. I think I will always be a kid at heart.
It is nice to have the Xbox and a TV in my room. From what my mom told me I'm going to have a mini antenna so I can watch a little TV if I wanted to. Even though Cody is still trying to get the Xbox back I've decided that I'm definitely not going to give it back. I did think about it a little bit just to get my mail but now that I'm actually getting my mail there's really nothing he can do now.
I got another thing for myself the other day. My mom and I went to a craft show and there was this booth that were selling magnetic bracelets that are REALLY magnetic. It takes a little bit just to get it open. I found out how much around the house and work are magnetic. It's really cool looking though and wasn't that expensive either.
It won't be too hard to get to work early. Since I take the train I usually get there about a half hour early. The smoothies are pretty good and cheap too.
I was helping the people at another grocery store today. There are just some urges that I can't stop. I figure I would help them a little bit too by telling them that were running low on something. Looking back I'm not sure how I would react to someone telling me that. Although he did say thank you so I don't think they were too upset. That's what I would've done but I usually smile too but that goes for all customers including the buttheads. I had a real sweet one the other day. I was ringing this guy up and the whole time he kept tapping his hand on the counter. He did that while I was ringing him up and while I was counting his change back to him. As much as I wanted to point out that it wasn't making a difference by him doing that I just smiled at him. I figured nothing productive would come out of saying something to him. Minus that I actually had a good day that day. Of course all the computers were working which made our lives just a tad bit easier. As new as this store is I have never seen one have more problems with registers.
I think I will add that to the list of things I'm saving for. I actually bought something for myself the other day. Well something that wasn't work related anyway. It seemed a little weird but I enjoyed it. I kept wanting to see the Lego movie and never had a chance to go see it. Well I kept hearing it was good so I bought it that day. Of course I will have to watch it in my room because mom and Kent don't want to see it. Kent actually asked if I was 12 when I jokingly said that we should watch it so it looks like I'm on my own.
Did you figure out what caused the "balloon" effect? That's a little like what happens on my weird things. I don't know what they are actually called but they don't happen very often anymore.
My work does have a smoothie bar so I'm thinking that if I do get there early enough then I'll grab one. There's some really healthy stuff there I just need to put myself into that mind set. It doesn't help that I never really think about making anything until I'm getting ready for work.
At least I don't really have to worry about the exercising part. I'm lifting pumpkins, cases of water and when want to be buttheads they put all there cases of pop on the belt for me to lift and turn around just to find the stupid barcode. If I did that I would at least be nice enough to find the barcode and have it facing up.
No matter where I go I always have to pretty much keep my hands in my pockets because whenever I see anything messed up I just want to fix it. I think I have too much retail in my blood lol. When I went to the gap the other day I kept fixing the ways things were hanging and I picked up a few empty hangers. When I was getting ready to check out I handed the hangers to her first and she was rather grateful.
I would love to see Josh Turner, or just about any country singer, in concert.
Well I need to get going. I can only put off this cleaning stuff for so long lol. I hope you're able to see your daughter soon.
This month has been absolutely crazy. I've found out what it's really like to have two jobs and I can't believe some people actually manage to have 3 of them.
So far it's going pretty well. I've had my share of pure exhaustion days when I work both jobs but it all works out in the end. On my days off, which is what today was supposed to be, my mom lets me really sleep in. It's been an exhausting couple of days and I managed to sleep until a little past noon today. I went to bed at my semi usual time of about midnight and I didn't wake up until a little after 12. I can't remember the last time I slept that long. It definitely felt good though.
Were you able to go down to Texas to see your daughter?
It sucks that they hired someone else for your husband's old job but at least the one you have is easy. It'd be awesome to just get paid to stamp hands. It sounds like a nice, relaxing job.
I just looked at the date and I feel bad that it has taken me this long to respond back to you. I'm almost amazed that I haven't had any seizures this past month since I'm working so much and not exactly eating the most nutritious food. When I work both jobs I usually just end up grabbing something from my first job to take over to my other one. I'm usually just grabbing a doughnut or something before I start at marianos which is my first job pretty much everyday.
Well I have a dog barking at me and I need to get ready for work so I'll talk to you later.
I've been having a great time with my aunt. We've done some sightseeing and stuff like that. I'm really glad that I went on this trip with my mom. It had been too long since I saw here last. I even got to see one of my cousins and her kids. It was so good to see her too. I wish they lived closer so I could see them more. The only thing that sucks is the time change. Every time I try to talk to my friends back home I have to look at the time and see what it is there. It's only an hour difference but an hour is pretty big especially at night.
As far as my medication and work goes I decided that instead of risking that again I'm going to try to take it as close to the regular time as possible. That feeling is something that I never want to experience again. I can't eat before I take my medicine since I have to brush my teeth before I eat anything for an hour.
I did discover a way to describe the episodes for lack of a better word. When I was on the plane as it was taking off it reminded me of how the pressure I felt was when it would start. As far as the weird vision I can associate it with how a plane can tip back and forth a little. Hopefully when I see my neuro again I'll be able to explain it to her better. I don't have them very often so they don't worry me at all.
The only thing that does somewhat worry me is my memory right now. I know with epilepsy comes memory problems but it almost seems worse now. Of course things haven't exactly been calm so I think that could be part of it. Once things settle down I'll see how bad it really is. The one thing I do know though is I'm not messing with my medicine. This combination has been working too good to risk it now.
My mom and I were talking about the phenobarbital earlier. She was saying how she didn't want to take me off it since I was doing so good. My doctor then brought up the developmental issues though. He/she said that it could lower my IQ. I would rather have that then everything that came after that. Especially since it was very, very cheap even then since it had been around so long. I'm glad she is doing good though. I'll knock on wood with you too. Hopefully she'll be able to stay seizure free. If she isn't able to though I hope she will only have them when she is too young to remember them and stop before she is able to remember them.
Making that money just for stamping hands sounds pretty awesome. I kinda wish my job could be as easy as that. Especially if you get to hear the concert.
Well I need to get going. I have to finish packing so I don't have to do it in the morning. Good night.
It seems that whenever I try to sit down and respond to this there's always something else to do. It seems like a never ending cycle these days. Thankfully though I'm finally able to now without distraction.
I just finished my second day of training today and so far it's going pretty good. I had a weird thing happen this morning but it got fixed. I wasn't sure how my manager would react to me stepping off the floor to take my medicine so I just took it 3 hours early today. I had one of those episodes(for lack of a better word, where it feels like I'm on the verge of passing out but I don't. I got that weird feeling in my head and my vision kind of went sideways. Once I ate though it went away so I haven't quite figured it out but I'm just glad I didn't have a seizure. I'm 2 days away from being seizure free for 6 months. I've been waiting for this moment for years now. What's going to make that day awesome is I'm going to be seeing my aunt for the first time in years. One of the awesome things about this job is that it's giving me some serious workout time with lifting all the stuff to check people out. I'm really enjoying this job though.
How are you doing? Have things been going good for you? I'm going to try and write back quicker than I have been. I need to get some sleep though. It's been a crazy day. Goodnight.
I am taking this slow. It's hard to get him to talk about himself so he knows more about me then I do him. Right now I think I'm putting my heart on hold. Putting up those barriers as some say. As far as his heart goes I think he's the same way. Well in a sense anyway. He hasn't had a divorce but he's had some crazy girlfriends from what I hear.
I've told him about my medicine and seizures. I haven't fully educated him yet. I think the only thing he doesn't know is the procedure of a seizure. Sadly I don't have any of those pills that you give a person when they're having a seizures. I call them "oh crap" pills. Ever since they added Keppra they haven't given me any kind of medicine for that. I haven't decided if I want to ask for one or not. The last seizure I had(5 months and 3 days ago!) lasted about a minute from what my mom said. I've never really had long seizures(in my memory) so I'm not horribly worried. Of course I'm sure some people say that and then end up having a long one.
I got some awesome news today. I decided to try and get another job especially since my mom lost her job the other day. Well I applied at this grocery store and I got hired! I'm still going back and forth on whether or not I want to keep both of them. I definitely keeping the grocery store because I'm pretty sure I'm getting more there then I do at Adidas. This will go a long way to helping me achieve my goals. I slowly but surely making my way to getting on solid footing again. The main thing that I want to do is get out of debt. I'm not sure which debt I want to get out first though. I'm really tired of my student loan bills but my medical bills are just as annoying though. The student loans would get paid quicker. That much I know for sure. I've got plans that I think will work but my plans don't always want to go the way I want them to.
I wish I had the confidence you do. I couldn't get out on a dance floor with nobody there. I don't really dance in public period. I'll sing but not very loud. There was one time that I was going to do karaoke but that was when I was REALLY drunk lol. I'm glad you had fun though. Well it's late and I have to work tomorrow. Goodnight.
My date was awesome! I found one of those very rare gentlemen. I thought they were all lost. He opened the door for me and offered me his jacket when I mentioned that the chair I was sitting in was cold. I actually wore a dress too. I haven't done that for anything but a wedding in so long. It felt nice to dress like a girl again. He held my hand while he was driving and he put his arm around when we were at the movies. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I had given up all hope on finding a man like him. Even now I'm grinning like an idiot. Just thinking about him during a really crappy day makes me smile. He tells me that I even make him blush. I've never done that to a guy. I do wonder sometimes what he sees in me that made him like me. He's so much farther along in life. He's been to graduate school and even has a career going as a teacher. The only thing that has me sorta worried is when he meets my parents. I pretty much got my strangeness from my mom lol. We were driving yesterday and she was talking about calling him loverboy. I made her promise not to call him that. I'm curious though on what she might call him or even ask him cause it's been so long. I'm kinda curious on how Bullitt(one of our dogs) is going to say hi, I guess you could say, to him. My boyfriend, before Cody, Bullitt put his nose in his crotch. I'm hoping that won't happen with Neal. I would feel horrible even though I might be laughing inside lol.
Today is a pretty big day. I have a meeting tonight with a lawyer to get the divorce process going. I want to make sure it doesn't spill over onto him as much as possible. He knows somewhat of Cody, which is another reason why I wonder, and he understand which is a relief. I'm hoping I won't need him but I'd rather have a back up plan. Cody has told me that he has a girlfriend. Well he said that he's been on a date. I haven't talked to him since that day partly because I'm a little upset with him. Not about the girl but other things that he's done/not done.There came a day where I just plain stopped caring. Any chance he had of ever convincing me to come back to him ended a couple weeks ago. He told me that even before today he had sex with a girl as well as going on a date with a different girl. When I mentioned that I had liked a guy and that I was excited about hanging with some friends. After it all happened one of the questions he asked me was if I had sex with him. That just pissed me off and I lost any feeling I had towards him.Apparently I have seemed vindictive lately which I think is BS but it's whatever.
Did you enjoy your night out? That's something I've never really done. Especially the dancing part.
Well I need to take a shower and clean up a little around here. I'll talk to you later
I've heard about the radiation thing with phones. I usually text more than I call these days. I can't believe that there was actually a day where I didn't even know what a cell phone was. It sucks that they are trying to tell you to do that.
I took a stand today. He finally pushed me to my breaking point and my mom yelling at me the least bit just threw me over the edge. I've always tried to keep my emotions under control. I hate crying in front of people. Anytime I cry it's usually at night or when nobody is home. It just feels like if I cry in front of someone it's just embarrassing. It's not something that I like people seeing. He keeps going on about how I don't care and all this other crap. Once my mom told me to stop talking to him I went upstairs and finished crying. After that I got online and unfriended him on Facebook. He hasn't seen that yet so I'm curious on how he's going to react. His conversations just wear me out so it's definitely passed time to end our conversations. Thank for the hugs . I just have to think ahead now to the really cute guy that I like that's going to be picking me up here soon. Even after all this crap today the thought of him picking me up makes me smile. Last night I couldn't stop smiling even after Cody's conversation. I'll talk to you later. Thank you for always being here for me.
He is making things an even bigger pain now cause he's saying that he's going to fight this divorce. He doesn't realize how much I just want it over. Yesterday I just started feeling lonely(I think?) and just started down the depression road again then the strangest thing happened. I think God may have answered one of my prayers. I worked today and on Tuesday's my mom has a meeting at her work. Well when she said that she had one I told her that I would just meet her at McDonald's which is across from the mall where I work. There's a kiosk right outside the store that sells hair straighteners and I kept telling them that I would stop by the next time I could actually stop. They usually try to get me to come over when I'm on my break. Well after work I stopped by there and the guy there said he would straighten my hair for me. While he was doing that he said just lay it on me and tell me how your day was. I told him about work(which was actually pretty good today) and he asked why I don't do anything with my hair. When I said that I don't really have any reason to since my soon to be ex wasn't up here and I didn't have a boyfriend. We kept talking and he noticed how negative I was. He stopped and said that you need to stop thinking about the past and stop worrying about the future. Today is what matters most was what he said. After we were done he told me to read this book about breaking negative habits which I'm going to find here soon. The only thing that would have made it better was if he had hugged me. As weird as that sounds I just really need a hug from someone. For the rest of the day I've felt more relaxed(I think that's the word I want) then I have in awhile. It's a nice feeling. I don't think he had any clue what difference he made for me today.
Alot of people have been saying that they're here for me and I never really understood how much that could mean to someone. It makes me smile now though when I think about how many people have said that to me along with keep your head up. I guess this is just one of those times where you really find out how truely lucky you are.
Well it's time for my medicine. I hope things are going good for you over there.