It seems like lately I just want people to leave me alone. I'm in the process of divorcing my husband and I just started a new job. I moved back in with my mom and step dad about 3 months ago when I decided to divorce my husband. During that time the only time that I really have to myself is in the morning and after 8 pm. Usually nobody bothers in the morning. At night though someone is always texting me or calling me. It usually my husband calling me and any time of the day I usually don't want to talk to him. It just seems to bother me more when it's at night around this time. Just now he messaged me on Facebook and doesn't really seem to get that I want to be left alone. I told him that I wanted to be left alone yesterday and he proceeded to make me feel like crap the whole time we talked. He doesn't seem to realize that just because I don't answer his call or message that he's done something wrong. I've told him over and over again how that just means I don't want to talk to him.
It seems like everybody wants something from me. I know my boss obviously wants me to do my job but outside of that everybody just wants something from me. Especially my husband. He keeps asking when he can come see or when I'm going back down there. He keeps asking me to give him another chance and all that. It doesn't seem to matter how many times I've said no to him. He doesn't seem to realize either that since I've been up here that I've had almost no seizures. When I was still living with him I had at least one every month and now I'm closing in on being 3 months seizure free. It would be a nice new record to have. Before I got married I was 7 years seizure free. I want to at least get to where I'm 6 months seizure free. I miss waking up and only having to think about my epilepsy when I take my medicine. Now I'm constantly wondering if I will have another seizure. I know it's the best way to look at it but I just can't seem to help it lately. Especially after my last seizure left me with a scar on my ear. I've tried talking to people about it but they just don't seem to understand what I mean. I almost feel alone in all this even though I know that's not true. I got my family and my friends who are always there for me. I don't know if what I'm saying makes any sense but it's the only way I can think of to put it. I miss the way my life was when I was seizure free. I'm not one of those people that can say they miss the way their life was before being diagnosed. I was diagnosed at 13 months which I consider myself lucky for. As strange or crazy as that might sound I consider myself lucky because I can't remember a time when I didn't have epilepsy. I would rather not know what having a driver's license or know what real independence is like. Well that ends my venting. I just needed to get it all out and this forum has always been there when I needed to vent.View Thread
I'm sorry about your mom. What does she take meds for?
After all these years we still haven't managed to pin point one spot for these seizures. When did a little research on the neurologist that suggested that we found out that just likes the money more or less so I'm going to a new one here soon.
It seems like everybody has that same attitude that you do as far doing what I want goes. It's only the person that it really involves that doesn't see it that way.
I haven't had any of the crazy side effects that everybody talks about with Keppra. Something weird has been happening though. Before Keppra I would get these random twinges in my legs or crotch. Every since I started Keppra though it's gotten worse. A couple days ago I had 10 twinges(I counted) in the exact same spot on my leg. The twinge only lasted a couple seconds but it was still weird. Have you had any experience like that?
Well I have to start getting ready for work. Hopefully I'll be able to cut down on all scrapes and bruises today lol.
I work for Adidas now and I'm slowly but surely making my way towards being independent. I've got a plan going so let's hope I can follow it through. I have my own insurance now which makes me very happy. I don't know if that sounds crazy or not but it does. I still have a ton of medical bills but I doubt that will ever change. What I'm hoping will happen is once I get a few paychecks I'm going to start paying those off. Once I got a few of them paid I'm going to try and go back to school. That'll get the student loans that I got now off my back for a little bit which will help out alot. I still have a storage unit filled with stuff down in Granite. Once I get some time I'm going to go through it and find out what I want to keep. Once I'm done with that I'm going to sell the rest of it and just put the money towards something. I'm not quite sure what yet though. The one thing I do know is that one day, I don't know when it will be, I will have my own place. I want to know what true independence feels like for once in my life. It's something I've never had before. By doing this I have hurt Cody and some other people. I've been called rather nasty names since I left though. It's only been from his buddies though. It pissed me off but I just laughed it off.
Ok that is the jist of what's been happening. I'm sorry it's so long but like I said it's been crazy lol. Anyway, how have you been doing? How's your mom?
Sorry it's taken so long to respond. Things have been absolutely crazy in the past few months. Well actually that's kind of an understatement but yeah lol. I'll start at the beginning and fill you in.
I was able to get out of the hospital in time for the Super Bowl. In fact I got out on the day of it. Sadly it wasn't a very happy day since Cody's dad had died the very same day. I don't remember if I told you but he had liver cancer. We were all expecting this day but there's still nothing you can do to really prepare for it. I think I managed to think of it enough that it didn't hit me as hard as it did everybody else. We had his funeral a couple days after that then I made a very big move that still amazes me that I did every once in awhile. I moved back in with my mom. I don't think I told you but I decided to divorce him. I just couldn't take it anymore. I wasn't being treated like I should have been and I just couldn't take being so broke that we couldn't pay our bills. I just reached the end of my rope one day. He keeps trying to convince me to take him back but I don't want to go back to someone that I don't love anymore. To be truly honest I'm not completely sure I ever did. Plus I just couldn't take having more seizures. I know I can't put all the blame of my seizures on him. I didn't eat the way I should have but I had gone seizure free for 6 years before him.
I've had 2 seizures since I've been up here and that was almost 2 months ago. I had a couple on St. Patrick's Day and one was pretty bad. When I was eating dinner with my mom and step dad I guess I started mumbling to myself like I do when I'm having a seizure. I had a steak knife in my hand so my step dad was trying to get it out of my hand. From what they told me after that I fell out of my chair and fell into the concrete on the fireplace. When I "came to" I was leaning against my step dad who was holding a paper towel to my head. When I looked down I saw there was blood on the dog's bed I was sitting on. He pulled the paper towel away and it was covered in blood. I had taken a gash out of my ear and gashed my head to just above my glasses. I scraped the crap out of my shoulder. They took me to the ER and I got 8 stitches put in my ear. It seemed like they were taking a ton of blood. There the guy there that was taking the blood sucked. Instead of taking it from the same arm he decided to go to my other one and he wasn't very good at.
They did take me to the hospital where they wouldn't let me sleep. I swear it was like they were waking me up every 2 or 3 hours so I had a trouble staying awake through all the usual tests that they were doing. They found out the same thing that every other doctor has. My seizures originate from the left side of my brain. At one point the neurologist that was on duty came in and said that maybe we should think about surgery. Unless there was something that they weren't telling me they just know that my seizures come from the left side of my brain. There's no specific area that we know of. So pretty much they'd have to take out the whole left side of brain and I kinda need that part of my brain lol.
They did give me another medicine to take though. They changed out the Vimpat for Keppra. So far it seems to be working. It depressed me a little bit having that seizure and just having to take 2 medications now. Mostly I feel bad cause my step dad is blaming himself for all the cuts and stuff. He thinks that if he hadn't tried getting the knife away that I wouldn't have fallen into the fireplace. He never said this to me but Mom told me one day when we were talking about it. She asked me not to say anything to him about it but I just want to find a way to tell him that it wasn't his fault. I mean it was bound to happen sooner or later. I'm just glad that they were here for it.
Oh I did find a job not too long ago. I just finished my training yesterday. It only took me 4 months instead of the year it took me down in GraniView Thread
I was really begin to worry. I'm glad you are starting to feel better though. It looks like just don't seem to have any luck with the flu.
I'll definitely be rooting for the Broncos too but that's only because I used to live in Colorado. I don't really follow football. Well except when they pay me money.
That's awesome!!! I'm so glad that she got moved finally. It'll make things so much easier for you.
Well now for an update on me. I'm going to be in the hospital for a week starting Monday. They're going to do a new test on me and hope that it figures something out. They're going to be doing the video eeg on me. I'm really not looking to not being on my medicine for a week. They're having me taking my medicine the morning I go in but not taking it anymore after that until I get out. I've been so happy with NOT having seizures that this just bums me to put it lightly. I'll at least be able to read and stuff while I'm there so that makes it a little better. Maybe with this crappy week they'll be able to figure something out for me.
They put me on a new medicine called Vimpat last week. My doctor is hoping that it will help me keep my seizures at bay. I think whatever works will make me happy.
I think I have an idea of what might be part of the reason but I can't really talk about it now. I'll be letting you know soon. It's a pretty big life change though.
Well it's time for me to eat so I'll talk to you later. Get better soon.
I can understand how tiring it can be. When Cody was gone the first few months I kept going back and forth to my Mom's. She lives about 5 hours away from me.
You definitely can't beat a deal like that. I would've snapped that up too.
The necklace my Mom ordered was from www.myidsquare,com. I just got it today and I really like it. It has it's own code and little scanner. When they do that it brings up a profile I made where I put my emergency contact info and all my allergies. It shows who my doctor is too along with his number.
I went to my doctor this morning to talk about everything. He gave me another medicine to take along with my Lamictal. It's called Vipmat and he gave me a little starter pack. I'm hoping that this will help and not give me some bad side effects or find out I'm allergic to it like the majority of the other medicines I've tried lol. He told me that he wants to do a video eeg and another mri too. He was saying that if my insurance agrees to it I'll be going in on the 27th of this month and maybe we can find out the cause of all this.
I'm glad you're doing good. I'm going to head to bed. Goodnight.
So now I can FINALLY respond to you. Between visiting with my mom and watching my friends kids I haven't been to get on a computer long enough to send a reply. Things have been pretty good lately. Well minus the two seizures I had when I was at my mom's. My stepdad got to see one of them and he handled it pretty good from what I was able to tell.
I got a bunch of cool gifts this year. My mom got me 3 new books and of course some socks and underwear lol. Christmas just isn't Christmas if you don't get socks and underwear.
I found out about this website on one of the pages I'm on that you put down the day of the seizure, the time and what happened before, during and after. I put down the ones that I could remember and I think I'm going to keep up with them that way. It seems alot easier that way. I showed my mom too and she agreed with me. More times that not I have my phone with me so once I'm conscious I'll just take it out and put it in.
After all that my mom got on the computer and ordered me a medical necklace. I had one at one point but I don't remember what happened to it. This one is kinda like dog tags which makes it cooler than my last one.
One time while I was at my mom's Cody called while I was taking a shower and my step dad saw the name. I went through my contact list not too long ago and put who was who. For instance, I put husband next to Cody's name. He asked if I put that there in case I forget it but I told him that I put it there for everybody so if I have a seizure someone could open up my contact list and know who is who. They thought it was a good idea too.
Ok I think I got it all. I hope everything has been going good for you.
How was your holiday? I think this is probably the crappiest holiday I've had in a long time. On Christmas Eve I had 3 seizures. I think it might have had something to do with the fight I had with my husband the day before but I'm not sure. I had my first at about 10ish, my second at around noon and then my last one was at like 7ish I think. I can add having seizures in front of family to the locations of my seizures. I was amazed on how well they handled it. They put me in my niece's bed and kept checking on me. It made me feel a little bit better. Something that puzzles me though is that after my first seizure I had a headache from hell and then it got semi better after the second. The third seizure though it went away completely. I was still drained of course so I don't know if that has anything to do with it or not.
Today sucked pretty bad too. Not for me but for my husband's dad. He fell down twice this morning and cody's sister was talking about him not having any mobility. Later on in the day when they got him to the hospital we found out that the cancer has spread to his brain. They're doing surgery once the swelling goes down but I think we're in the final stretch of the race. It doesn't show with the boys but it's hit them pretty hard. I think it's finally truly hit them that his dad is dying. It hit me a little harder too but I've almost numbed myself to it. That's a good(sometimes) trait that I learned from my teenage years.
Well it's time for me to crash. It's almost 1 am. Sweet dreams.
Well things are getting better now. We're still having issues with money and all that but I've applied at some places so hopefully I'll be able to get a job to hold us over until the baseball season starts. I'm still debating if I'll keep it during that too but I'll cross that bridge when I cross it.
I'm sorry to hear that about your mom. Would you mind if I asked how you lost your father?
I finally got an appointment set up for my neuro so hopefully I can find out what's going on with my seizures. I'm crossing my fingers and toes.
Dinner turned out pretty good if I'm remembering right.
You're probably right about that. It seems like things are just spiraling downward and I can't see the bottom. I've already broken down once and I don't think it'd take very much more for that to happen again. I've just never been in this kind of position ever in my life. I just hate it.
I haven't really looked at any websites. I just don't think about it that much.
Well it's time for dinner so I'll talk to you later.