I am going to agree with 2469aok's response, only because of my own experience. (however, he does seem a bit one sided here!) I've been married now for 32 yrs and we have suffered this from the beginning. I too had my own demons from being physically and sexually abused. My hubby was very affectionate, which to me was suffocating. Sex was not bad in the beginning, but it seems we would toss and turn and flip and flop just to get things just right and so it was frustrating. I was miserable for many years, but my kids became my priority. After years we finally decided this was something we seriously needed to talk about and be honest with what was wrong ( i felt it would be selfish to divorce because of e.d.) We decided to just be open with each other... "i'm going to masturbate and if you want to join in you can." and it went from there. After years of this and toys, it is still frustrating. He never has been one to initiate ( he did in the beginning and i pushed him away). I suppose it is just about how much work you want to put into having sex. Now it is just exhausting and not so much worth the effort, but this did save my sanity for a few years. He has had annual check ups and is always healthy. Are we missing some tests here?View Thread