I am about to get married to a man who says he has e.d. and am very scared and confused. He is a great guy with whom i have alot in common. I truly love him and know he loves me. BUT... he will not show any affection to me and refuses to talk about it. I have read that this is typical behavior from a man with e.d. but regaurdless of that, it is having a serious affect on my self esteem. I even wonder if he told me he has e.d. just to keep me away from him. Would a guy ever tell a women he has e.d. if he didn't? I don't know. He treats me great in all other aspects of our relationship. Sposed to marry in November and I'm not sure I want to sign up for a life with no affection. Don't know what to do. Please offer any adviceView Thread
Thankyou so much for responding. I agree. There's not much support for the womens side of things. I am really struggling with self esteem issues. I know in my heart that this isn't about me, but can't seem to shake my negative thinking. I can get very obsessive with thoughts of him not being attracted to me, etc.etc. I have ruined many a day being in this space.
I am also very frustrated with his inability to discuss the situation. I think all I need is a little reassurance from him that this is not about me, That he is attracted to me. I do know that he loves me, but am starving for affection. Sometimes i just need to feel strong arms around me. Thank you again, for listening. It feels good to know that I am not alone.View Thread
This is where the problem lies. I have tried to talk to him several times. Being very delicate and careful not to hurt or offend him. He simply cannot seem to communicate his feelings around this issue. He gets very defensive and shuts me down immediately. Does not want to talk about it at all. I have made sure he is aware of the effect this is having on my feelings and how much i long to be close to him. Even if its just holding hands or putting his arms around me once in a while. The discussion never gets far. He literally clams up. This is when I start trippin and wondering if he really does have e.d. or if he just told me that to keep me away from him. Thats how insecure i've become.View Thread
I'm seeking help now. Just worried that it may be hard to get him involved in that. Your reply makes me feel better. I need to not believe everything that I think. I can really drive myself crazy.View Thread
I am in the process of finding a therapist now. Waiting for some call backs after the holiday wkend. Unfortunately, I've never watched "Sex in the City". Watch a lot of T.V. but never that. May have to change that. I think he wants to be intimate but that the E.D. has him fearful. This is what I like to think. Then there are my more insecure moments when my mind takes me all over the place. Hopefully, counseling will help me, but i worry that it will be hard to get him involved in that. I also worry about his physical health. From what I've read, e.d. can be an indicator of heart disease, among other things.
We are both recovering addict/alcoholics. He has 6 years clean, myself 5. His Father died from heart disease. He uses a ton of salt on everything, and our diets leave a lot to be desired. We are both very active, strong people (He moves furniture for a living), but we could stand to lose thirty of forty pounds ea.
He assures me that he will see a Doctor after we get married. He has no medical insurance until then. Wether or not he can discuss the issue with a Dr. remains to be seen.
I don't know. I guess i just needed to reach out and hear from someone who has experienced E.D.
Hi ReuvenF I just found this forum and posted re the problem between my fiance and I. He told me he has e.d. but has pulled back on any and all displays of affection. Oh yeah, I do get a hug and peck goodbye every morning and a peck hello in the evening. Other than that, nothing. I have tried to talk to him about why he can't show any affection (not sex) just hugs and cuddling maybe. Or hold my hand once in a while. When I broach the subject he gets angry and defensinve and i come away feeling like he just isn't attracted to me and has told me he has e. d. just to keep me away from him. My self esteem is tanked. I am obsessed with thoughts and theories about us and this situation and we are scheduled to marry on Nov. 18th. His first marraige, my second, we are in our early 50's. We do love eachother, I am sure of that, but think that maybe he loves me more like a sister or friend than a partner. Scared and confused and frustrated. I'm going to see a therapist next week, but was hoping to get some feedback from men who have experienced e.d.View Thread