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day 5 hospital

seems nothing they can even come up in this hospital seems to work........ but...

Posted by DAKOTASPIRIT1957

seems nothing they can even come up in this hospital seems to work........ but then i haven't really been addressed with the word FM here much... I have mentioned it a couple of times as to the reason I was sleeping uncontrollably..

.Of course they thought I was on too much pain killer... Until the nurse was kind enough to mention I hadn't asked for any for over 11 hours... More like I should be receiving those for I am late on all... Probably withdrawl again from the ones I am suppose to take steade every 8 hours... I like her... too bad they can't have her sleep here I could use the company...

she did stop by today to see if i was still here and getting my meds right... i think so...... and they put my pain meds back to the way the way they were suppose to be... as ordered by my pain management instead of what they thought I needed...... i am still in pain but so what... nothing new there... I finally got atleast 1 dr to believe there's just too much damage in me to actually ever be totally pain free... unless you make me brain dead... lol lol lol...no thanks,... they claim i was acting close enough to that again this past week... no thanks... they still look at me funny and ask me dumb questions...

i guess i have a few things to do when i get out... they say a couple very important... something about a lump on my thyroid... to me i thought that might be important enough for here... insurance...yeh.... keep me here to fix a slow axxe problem and let a critical one wait til later but get to it immediately ... crazy world......

well... guess i forgot to mention i am still in the hospital... no sclerosis of my liver... but it wasn't a firm picture to tell but it might be fatty... still making me sick... but they haven't ere and i still don't know what that means;;... my sugars are still nuts and don't like their systems any better then mine,,, think that is mostly why i am still here...still waiting one 1 more dr to show up to tell me to go see my regular ged..... that's what the others have been doing...

I am getting tired again... tire easy and earlier earlie hour...

take care my friends... love you all... Jan/DakotaView Thread

Posted byDAKOTASPIRIT1957

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:day 5 hospital seems nothing they can even come up in this hospital seems to work........ but...

Reply: TGIF**** GOOD LINK to read****what do you think?

possibly... a big yes.. especially after the few days i have had here... this pain...

Posted by DAKOTASPIRIT1957

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:TGIF**** GOOD LINK to read****what do you think? possibly... a big yes.. especially after the few days i have had here... this pain...

in hospital oops did i say dat

I went to my dr on the 30th and she sent me straight to the hospital... didn't...

Posted by DAKOTASPIRIT1957

4 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:in hospital oops did i say dat I went to my dr on the 30th and she sent me straight to the hospital... didn't...

Reply: Friday Role Call

Good morning... I love morning..... Early morning on the porch all alone typoing...

Posted by DAKOTASPIRIT1957

Good morning... I love morning..... Early morning on the porch all alone typoing away... My mind seems clearer... Coffee tastes great... Sun is just coming up usually... I always have been an early riser... I like waking before the rooster and sun... Made the Rooster back home mad to see the bedroom light go on and then to know I was on the patio waiting for him to make his usual noise... Sometimes he crowed when my bedroom light came on... Mom and Dad were so mad lol... So I got to planning my morning the night before.. laying clothes out... Within reach so I would only wake him if I made noise on the patio... I was like real quiet tho... Had to sneak thru my hungover brothers room to get there had to be lol... He got rather physical when rudely awaken...

I mentioned a long time ago writing a piece about all of you... It is almost complete... I am finding satisfaction reading it.. I usually don't reread my writings... But I want this one to be perfect like an essay or poem for a contest... Those I reread... Sometimes... I put it aside for a long time while I was ill... But pulled it out as a reminder as to I was not alone... So many times...

I will publish it here soon... Perhaps sooner then I think lol...

Life here is exciting.. I am anxious waking up... My X-DIL spent the night and will be here for the day... I will hopefully sleep or stay clear of her... I got pretty anxious last night... Snappy but stayed to myself as much as I could... Just knowing she is on the other side of my door tho... I came out to have a cig and she was smoking and drinking and giving my oldest son a lecture about God last night... She was lecturing him on the Catholic Church... Being a Mormon... Well... jShe tried to include me... Being I am Catholic... I took a couple of drags and went back in words unspoken... My youngest son her X came in to see if I was ok... Sure... Only wanted a coulple of drags... And no conversation... Especially from a drinking , smoking, Mormon... Must have changed that church a lot...

Enough... I will work myself up and I have 20 minutes before my son leaves for work and I can go to my room... Sorry... And this is not the place... Sorry...

It will be a long day... Going to plug in my electronic cig and see if I can get use to it and work on my writings or homework... Homework probably...

I sorta like my new counselor... My old one did most of the talking and I seen her for 1/2 hour... even 15 min sometimes,... This one gives me homework and yes I actually do it lol... and visits with me for an hour and I do the talking... I am actually feeling like I am going somewhere... I have 7 things to basically keep track of... today will be a basic one and I don['t have to write a useless diary... I will be sharing it lol... MMM and I will be printing out the last months assignment... keep forgetting to do that... Have an appointment on the 2nd with her... Need to get organized... And have some to get caught up on... Today's diary is what is going on with my stresses I cannot change and stresses I can change.. And what am I doing... I am thinking about doing some packing... Getting some of my things packed up... She might be using my room while I am at my daughters and that means it needs to be child proof and her proof...

Well... I can go in now... bye take care... Love Jan/DakotaView Thread

Posted byDAKOTASPIRIT1957

7 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Friday Role Call Good morning... I love morning..... Early morning on the porch all alone typoing...

Reply: Worried about Being a Parent w/Fibro

I remember even more special moments with my children... Talking about how I want...

Posted by DAKOTASPIRIT1957

I remember even more special moments with my children... Talking about how I want their bonds to each other to be and to me be... And they cuddled away... I had the only teens not afraid to say I love you and kiss their mom in front of friends... Might have had something to do with the fact I was running a safe house and their friends could run to me shelter and safety... Then they were expressing the same love toward a mom they never had before... Some still call me today... Some have children and they call me grandma just like my grandchildren... Or nanny as some of my grandchildren do...

Some kids could end up hating ill parents for they can't do for them or with them... And they have to take care of themselves and take care of the parent... My children have told me that I am loved because of it.. I included them and not excluded them with what was happening to me..

Yes it tore my heart out to see my 7 yr old ask me if I was going to hurt forever... And I honestly told him... "Maybe...
They think so... "... Then he crawled next to me and together we cried it out... Together... Just as we did when he was told he has FM... He is raising 2 children on his own... And I see him cuddling them a lot... Praise those babies.. Their love keeps us going...

Your baby will be fine... Just love and bond the best you can... Don't ever worry about spoiling... In my opinion spoiling is just an overdose of unconditional love... God spoils me every day... I personally ask God to love my loved ones and the world thru .e everyday... God's love is such a wonderful "spoiling" love... A beautiful feeling...

Love comes easy when they place a child in your arms trhe first time... Congratulations on bringing a wonderful blessing into our world... Thank you..

I have to go wake up one of my blessings now... Take care... And believe in you... Love yourself... Free your spirit and soul to love... And your child will have a wonderful life...

love... Jan/DakotaView Thread

Posted byDAKOTASPIRIT1957

7 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Worried about Being a Parent w/Fibro I remember even more special moments with my children... Talking about how I want...

Reply: Worried about Being a Parent w/Fibro

Hi Jeremy... Being a first time father is scary enough on it's own without...

Posted by DAKOTASPIRIT1957

Hi Jeremy... Being a first time father is scary enough on it's own without throwing illness in there... Yet I know how you feel... I had cancer treatment to go thru the second time when my first son was born.... I also got ill for the first time when my third child was born... With special needs... being premature and low birth weight... Also by then my second son was having health problems and I was on my own as I just left an abusive husband... When it rains it pours...

I always tell a scared parent to bond with their children any way possible... I bonded with mine 90% of the time by spending time with them in my bed... reading... watching movies... having picnics... cuddling,... watching them sleep next to me... touching their cheek when they are infants.. tickling their feet... playing attari until the attari attitudes canned that project lol... .

cuddle your child... make bodily contact with the child... hold the childs hand... Let the baby know it over rules the pain you are feeling even if you can't go to the basketball game... You still care enough to hear all about it.... And will dream about the bac>sket he/she made... Let them know the pain may keep you from going but your heart and soul are with them and always is.

My daughter was my premature baby and she once told me she had it better then her brothers... They could remember the healthy me and always wanted me back... T
he only got glimpses of me that way and it never lasted... So she loved me the way I was... I hurt when my 30 yr old daughter told me that... But I would have hurt a lot worse had she resented me for not spoiling her and letting her know she was number one...

Yes we had our problems... Mostly because they had their duties and chores... Well... When Mommy felt like she could she did them thinking it gave them a break from helping her out all the time... Then they got lazy and she got sick and it was hard to get them to help again... We went thru 8 years of counseling because Mommy wasn't able to accept her illnesses and did crazy things like throw wheelchairs at
dr's and refused to take care of herself properly... And thus wasn't able to take care of them..

Oh we all fought together to kill my cancers.. We all ganged up when they said I was an unfit mother instead of sick... And the judge was easy to sway with all the dr's testimony... But He was easier to sway then me.. I wanted to do things that hurt me ... inevitably did... and the kids and I both suffered... Then when my oldest was 11 and my youngest was 6 cancer and endometriosis almost killed me... It was a life changing threat... I went and found a part of me that I was missing that was keeping me from caring enough to take care of me...
The spirit and soul of the young child inside me that I turned my back on when I was hurt so many years ago... Me...
And all those hugs I recieved from my children ment something... And I found the old DakotaSpirit fight to live.. My soul wanted to love again... And it did... First me... Then my children... Then a man who made a difference in my life... The first man who didn't hit me... I had the dignity the 5 year old child was molested of when she was 5 again...

I was still ilol... Still fighting cancer... Fighting FM without a name.. Being diagnosed with MS... Being in and out of a wheelchair but at least now this time I wasn't throwing it...

to be continuedView Thread

Posted byDAKOTASPIRIT1957

7 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Worried about Being a Parent w/Fibro Hi Jeremy... Being a first time father is scary enough on it's own without...

I want to scream at him Don't

But I can't... Every 5 minutes He changes his mind... I think some of that is...

Posted by DAKOTASPIRIT1957

But I can't... Every 5 minutes He changes his mind... I think some of that is because I told him I would leave... He worries I won't have the same quality life there... but he doesn't realise that my life there was my decision not my daughter's making...

I lived with my daughter after my husband told me he was the father to a friends baby girl... It blew me away... It was double pain... She was my friend and he was my husband I loved and trusted and had no idea...

I stayed long enough to nurse his removed toe to where he could take care of it... And it was rough... For she was constantly around and I already had a close relationship with the baby... Then I went to my daughters... heartbroken... depressed... and not eating... not taking care of myself... not seeing dr's... planning to return home... so never changed my address to change dr's and such... I even paid bills back home for him... Until...

I had money put away to go home was going to buy the ticket and he told me not to... He was dieing and I would be alone... He wanted me to stay where I was... Less than a yr later he was dead... I guess I was the only one he told for the others still talk like they didn't know he was that ill... I just didn't expect it that soon...

But it wasn't her fault I didn't eat... and didn't go to dr's... and didn't take care of myself... I have tried to tell my son's this... but they still think she should have gotten me to dr's and gotten me help... You can't help someone who doesn't want help..

Now they are saying I shouldn't move or she will neglect me if I do... She is so upset... And so am I...

And I want to scream at my son that he is making the biggest mistake of his life in letting his x back in this house... Even if she isn't sleeping in his bed... She is not good for him... And drives him nuts now... together she is worse... He thinks he should do it for the kids... He needs to remember how many times she walked out on them and hurt those little ones... And the 5 times I picked the 3 of them up... Him and his children...

I want to scream at him... But can't...

It is his life... And I have to let him live it... I just hope that he will soon learn from his past and not let it hurt him as he does... He beats himself up when she leaves and hurts the kids and him... He is a tough class learner like I am lol... I always had to learn my lessons the hard way... I wish he didn't catch on to that...

Thanks for letting me rant... This is killing me... My FM flare is terrible... and I am sure will be worse before it is all over... I am trying to relax... but the pain is high... and the tramadol is only half dose for the pain management dr wants to see if I can go off it... I said ok but if it doesn't work I can go back on the good dose right... She sorta shook her head yeh... I will find out on the 2nd... One every 6 hours is not working... Not at all... It is like taking candy... Without the rush... lol... being diabetic and all lol...

take care... love... Jan/DakotaView Thread

Posted byDAKOTASPIRIT1957

6 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:I want to scream at him Don't But I can't... Every 5 minutes He changes his mind... I think some of that is...

Reply: Tuesday ****4/23/2013 ****

Hi all... Good morning to you all... I am up for a bit.. Took a shower at 4 am...

Posted by DAKOTASPIRIT1957

Hi all... Good morning to you all... I am up for a bit..

Took a shower at 4 am to slow me down... Am back on my colitis med for 10 days started the 6th.. After my epidural had time to sit in... It didn't go so well this time... I am still a bit swollen and sore... I tensed up at the end when he was putting it in... He said it was an instant swell... But it is much better than it was...... He said I won't need a third the way the first took... But this one din't make it much better yet... And my arms are still yucky lol... With more pain in my neck this time... But I need to give it more time he says... It's a week tomorrow... How much time...

>Oh well... Right now I need to concentrate on the hardness that is left in my tummy... That is why I am on the meds again... And a few other gross reasons lol... I shall be nice and leave them unmentioned as my breakfast is about done lol... Don't need the reminder lol..

It is nice here.. getting hot too soon for me but the kids like to live with the air on and the back door wide open which has the air running constantly... freezing me out in my room lol... So... I actually go outside to warm up lol.. and give them a hard time about griping about the upcoming electric bill... I took pictures of them sitting in front of the open door... lol... Not my money but it is my valuable ears lol...

My son is thinking about taking his x in... She has no place to live and says she will be on the streets with 2 children... I say there are shelters and in her case womens shelters... and if he doesn't take her back she will return to her husband now that is true love lol... It is so sad tho... She has involved the kids so much they are at odds with each other my 4 yr old granddaughter says she wants her here... my 5 yr old grandson says he is "finished with her"... in those exact words and doesn't want her here to fight with his daddy.. He also said all this in front of her...

I will be leaving and moving to NM if she moves back in... For 3 reasons... I won't stand in the way of my son's happiness and she puts me in the way... I can't live with the stress she causes me and others... and I can't live with her... and believe their only chance together is with me not here... oh... guess that is four...

My daughter is hoping she moves in.. I am hoping he listens to his son.. Out of the mouths of babes sometimes comes the wisest words... And don't ask if you don't want an honest answer... Not him anyway...

Only problem with leaving is leaving them and my son... I have raised them... and My son relies on me financially.. it will hurt them... and hurts me just thinking about it... I was going to visit myu daughter in June for a month I wish he could wait until then but she claims she needs to move in almost now... within the end of this month... So I would have May to be with her no matter what... I can't leave yet...

Oh well... Such is life in the life of Jan... And it truly takes my Dakota-Spirit to hang in there lol... And I AM hanging...

hope you are all doing the same... Take care...

Love... Jan/DakotaView Thread

Posted byDAKOTASPIRIT1957

9 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Tuesday ****4/23/2013 **** Hi all... Good morning to you all... I am up for a bit.. Took a shower at 4 am...

Reply: Sunday, April 14, 2013***

Hi... It is almost 10 here and getting hot already... I think I would rather deal...

Posted by DAKOTASPIRIT1957

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Sunday, April 14, 2013*** Hi... It is almost 10 here and getting hot already... I think I would rather deal...

Reply: Today...

I hope you rest well... And feel better for it... My thoughts and prayers are with...

Posted by DAKOTASPIRIT1957

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