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I am so tired today... Do you know how long it has taken to write this... I started at 530 AM this morning with a message and switched to this one at 6 without sending it... It is now 4:45 PM the same day lol... But still... give me a break... Over 11 hours... I can't stay focused.. I can't sit long enough... I had to leave once... and I closed about 4 times due to unwanted guests...
Will I ever send this... Or should I just copy and paste it in the morning lol...
I keep writing and erasing or copying for another message...
and then erasing... I want to scream but there are too many people around and they will lock me up lol... lol... lol.. So..
I am going to send this one finally and write another one about what is going on... My health is yuck... In 4 simple words... And I am Yuck in 3 more... I need to vent and need to not feel so alone... So..
Talk to you soon... Take care... Hope you are doing much better... and remember I am always thinking of you and loving you... Jan/Dakota
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Silly to be excited over a walker huh... They said this walker should save me from some falls if only I can get turned ans sit before them... That might be the trick... Still might take a miracle at times but I guess it is worth a try... I can't see life in a wheelchair totally yet... I am not ready to give up walking... Yet the concussions are getting rough on my head... lol...
I also go see a Dr about an epidural on Friday.... I think I mentioned him before... The one I may have to fight with... He doesn't treat FM and usually doesn't touch people with FM... Why send me there... My pain management dr didn't do her research very well... But I said I will give him a look see... Have my MRI's and Reports stating there is physical damage... So all I can do is try not to get upset... And pray... That is probably in reverse lol... I should probably pray first lol...
And my tens unit will soon be in the mail... They are just waiting for the approval of the insurance and they told me there shouldn't be a problem... I hope it arrives soon... I sure can use some pain blockage in my neck again... Actually too bad I can't do 3 at a time neck... lower back... and legs... but I would look like a robot lol... I know I can move it around but I want relief... NOW... LOL... ALL OVER... LOL...
Ok I had my funnies for today... I have been kid free since Monday... Their other Grandparents finally took them... It has been nice and restful... And I took advantage of it lol... They return today but I think them and Daddy are making a 2 day trip out of town today... Then they will be back Thursday night... I think Eddie works Friday morning... I think by then unless I get upset or too excited about my Dr appointment on Friday... I should be ready to play Nany again... They called me last night and told me they missed me...
I am going to hopefully go to my daughters in New Mexico for 3 weeks in June... If I can work it out between Dr appointments... I am sure they will work with me... I want to go see all 5 grandkids and then have 2 of them with me in July when I return home... They will be here for about a month... Hopefully... I am hoping to bring Tristin... The 7 yr old that had the breakdown in school this yr... His psychologist will meet with us a few times and then we can decide... hopefully I can... It will give my daughter a much needed break... He still responds real great to me....
Well I talk too much...
Take care... Love... Jan/DakotaView Thread

They made me a last batch of shrimp about closing time and I ended up bringing 7 home... I must have eaten about 30... They commented I had a good shrimp appetite lol... I love my shrimp lol... And then had Strawberry-Glazed-Banana's for desert... What a luxury... LOL... MMM...
I then had too much energy to sleep... So I sat and talked to my oldest son... Who is upset with me... My attitude has been rough on him and his has been clashing with me.. I am, going to run away from home to my best friends house for a night or two and give it all a rest...
I haven't slept yet... I am finally running on empty... I did dishes at 3 in the morning... I needed to burn the energy up... And now I am beat up enough to sleep I hope... I am pretty sure I can... I have been dozing on and off for the past half an hour lol... Mow watch... I will lie down and the lights will come on bright again lol... 3 minutes and they are off to school and work... I shall soon join my lazy little Angel... My hyper little chiwawa lol,,,
So I will catch you all later... Stay warm... Don't forget to do something special for yourselves today... A bubble bath... By candle light... Read a bit... Watch a favorite movie... Anything just for you... Maybe for you and your Mrs/Mr Right...
Take care... My 3 minutes are long up... LOL... Off to slumber-land I go... lol...
Love... Jan/DakotaView Thread

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/
I knew just what to tell her... First I showed her a chart showing the 18 tender points...
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001463/
Then pinched her and told her if she did that to me it would have felt like she stabbed me... She then asked is that why sometimes you wince at my hug... I said yeh... and put a piece of paper on her leg... I told her tonight that hurts me... My shirt touching my leg hurts me... That's why I have it pulled way up...
She has sciatica and a bad back... So she knows what pain is like... But she told me she has never seen anyone in the kind of pain she has seen me in... Is that FM... I showed her the facts on line and some writings here... She sympathized with everyone here... Then I read the Spoon Theory...
My Dear Best Friend cried... For once she tried to understand and said she didn't think she would ever really understand the maximum of it all... She explained... Having RSD... FM... Uncontrolled Diabetes... MS... Parkinson's Disease... 5 Digestion Problems so bad I can't digest medicine to help me most of the time... Manic Depression... Depression with Suicidal Tendencies... PTSD... and Schizophrenia... And now going deaf...
And she looked at me and started crying again and this time I was in tears too... "How can you keep smiling at me... And be so positive and supportive of me..." she said... I told her "Because you are worth many spoons"...
I write this to tell you I am blessed... My dearest friend Lori is so dear... I so hope you all have someone like her in your life... And if you don't now... I hope you find her/him soon... We all deserve a blessing like Lori... I only hope I can be as big a blessing in return... I sure am trying to be...
Bless you...
Take care... Love... Jan/Dakota
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You sound like you are doing better... I hope so... Hang in there and don't over do it... Keep those animals busy... I too am the neighborhood animal gal... they go missing they look here lol...
Take care... Love... Jan/DakotaView Thread

We have a wonderful place called our Toolbox... Here is the URL for it...
http://forums.webmd.com/3/fibromyalgia-exchange/tip/5
It is us telling you things that help us and hopefully you can find a lot of help there...
Yes it is scary to try meds... But some meds don't have side effects for some people and you wjon't know if they can help you or if you are the side effect free person unless you give them a try... I take 2 opiates for pain... no side effects at all... That is because I don't take too much... I don't get tired ot high... The meds fight my pain not my brain... I am one of the lucky ones... they actually help too...
I don't do well on Lyrica and Cymbalta and Neurontin for I have stomach problems and it doesn't like them... I didn't see a lot of betterment either but I didn't stay on them longer then 1 to 2 months... the neurontin I was on for 9 months but my stomach was all messed up... my gasteroentologist had to start back at step 1... Had a long way to return...
Everyone is different when it comes to treatment... most of my treatment is meditation... self hypnosis... and imagery... I take morphine 3 times a day and oxycodone for breakthru pain 4 times a day if needed... I have multiple illnesses... Many chronic and many painful... All incurable... FM is just a kick in the bucket lol...
My best defense... Is acceptance of my illnesses and my life... and Myself... and a positive attitude... Which I usually accomplish thru helping others.... I am not perfect... I am human with manic depression... and a few other mental disorders... So I am in my eyes "beyond" human lol... I get down... I get depressed... I get stressed.. I come here and unload... I help when I can and I feel better...
That is what this is all about...
I hope you can find the caring you need...
Take care... Love... Jan/DakotaView Thread

I hurt so bad at times I don't know what I do and say... I am found curled up... That is their first hint to leave me alone but some don't listen... I will get snappy and yell at first sight... But it is only because my pain has me hurting so bad I am PTSDing...
My psychiatrist and counselor and I are working on this but I don't know what to do... I don't take my break thru meds right when I am like this because I am not thinking right and when my son is trying to give them to me I usually fight him because I am afraid of him...
Does anyone ever have this problem... Or am I alone in this... I know this is a hard thing to admit... I didn't really want to come here and tell you because I think you will think I am crazy... A nut case... Well... In a sense... I guess I am... I have to be to live like this lol... But At least I am nutty enough to admit it lol...
That's part of my long story... someday I will write or finish writing my book... And then you can all get a copy and get to know the real me... lol... For now I will give you the pieces...
Take care... Thanks for being here...
love... Jan/DakotaView Thread
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Then I finally got a call about a Dr to give me an epidural... So I called right away... I thought it was great news... However it might not be... they don't treat FM... I am not asking to have him treat my FM... I have deterioration of bones and herniated discs and muscle and nerve damage in my neck... I want that treated... They don't want to do surgery... So at least give me a chance of a break from the pain... Facet shots don't work... And if he will do a series of epidurals I am ready for a lot less pain... If I flare I can quit... But give me a chance... Please...
I am waiting for another phone call about my tens unit and my walker with a chair... That is suppose to come this afternoon... My Dr. was yelling at her staff who finally admitted to neglecting in getting right on it and staying on it... I got one phone call already and hopefully the 15th I will be told he will do the epidural... If not I may have another 6 month wait... lol... Now to get the other one... lol... I am not holding my breath... I might suffocate lol...
Gotta go in and have my tegretol level in my blood tested... I need to up the dose and have to check the level before I can... So... I have to go...
You all Take care...
I am going to write a post later I hope lol... It is something important to me... Something that seems to be happening a lot with my FM... And I want to know if I am the only one... I will try to write it now but I don't know if I will have time to finish it before I have to leave... Just please watch for it... Please... Thannks...
Love... Jan/DakotaView Thread

" "Imagine never feeling good, when you know of no visible reason not to feel good.
Imagine feeling pain in multiple areas of your body for no apparent reason.
Imagine feeling like your verbal and motor skills are impaired when they were fine a minute ago." "
Imagine falling down all the time... front... back... straight down like a yoyo with no chance of yoyoing back up...
Imagine Dr's still not understanding why all the falls...
Imagine one year being told you have Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy... And looking like a red puffy balloon in places...
Imagine the next year being told "they are going to figure out what is wrong with you in 50 years and in another 50 years cure it..."
Imagine going on thru life in and out of a wheelchair not knowing why... Just knowing your muscles are spasming and you can't stand up...
Imagine being so high on life at times people think you are drunk when you aren't...
Imagine being so low into depression you attempt suicide and try to include the lives of your 3 children...
Imagine being diagnosed with Manic Depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Anxiety, and Schizophrenia... All in one hospital visit...
Imagine being told a few years later that you have MS and probably have all along...
Imagine then being told by 3 other Dr's there isn't enough evidence of MS you don't have it you have just the symptoms...
Imagine then being told you once again have MS but only have one lesion should have more...
Imagine getting weaker and feeling more pain every day with no real answers...
Imagine being told you have Fibromyalgia but you need to go get counselling it is all in your head...
Imagine being told Fybromyalgia is yet another incurable disease to live with not in your head... And it hurts badly...
Imagine being told you have restless legs syndrome but it doesn't show up on the sleep study...
Imagine a couple of years later the restless leg syndrome turns out to be diagnosed as Parkinson's Disease...
Imagine another chronic incurable disease but at least I have one you can see...
Imagine then when nothing more can happen going deaf...
Imagine being a Cancer Survivor 7 times over... And not knowing where life is going from here...
Imagine all this and still getting up in the morning happy to be alive and even though it hurts still moving and walking...
Imagine all this and watching my life change before my eyes daily... And the best thing I can do for myself to really better myself and my life is reach out and help others... For in helping others I help myself accept and deal with all this that you can't see and now you can see...
Imagine... Want to walk a mile in my shoes?... Don't give me Pity for I won't accept you... Give me a piece of you as I give you me... Understanding... Compassion... Love... Share my joys and sorrows... My trials and tribulations... And I will share yours...
Imagine a better world for both of us............................"
Thanks for your interest in our life... But accepted or not any illness is just that illness... No one should be pitied for... But they should be supported and loved beyond our abilities... Yet then again... I think everyone needs loved and supported beyond my ability being ill or healthy... ab-normal {as they put ME} or normal {as they address THEMSELVES}
That is what makes the world what it needs to be...
Love... Jan/DakotaView Thread

There goes my alarms to wake me up... Now I am having trouble keeping my eyes open and have a headache.. Time for more coffee and meds... That will help... It better lol... Or Eddie is in trouble lol... Or my grandson is... He might not make it to school on time... lol...
Almost there... I took a nap for 8 lines lol... I counted the lines I typed by accident lol... Oh so cool I can type in my sleep but it makes no sense at all lol...
15 more minutes and I can wake my Son... But being he worked 18 hours yesterday I better not leave him alone... He will probably go right back to bed or burn him self up dropping his coffee in his lap...
It is 52* out here... High for today went down from 82 to 75 *... Oh well... Maybe I can get more fresh air that way... At the most I can leave the window in my room open further... And we wont need the air conditioner... LOL... You with snow... Me with air conditioner LOL...
I fell down again... but I didn't hit anything major this time... No blacking out and head rushes lol... I swear I am sometimes as graceful as a ballerina lol... Last night was one of those times... Thank God for I don't need any more pain right now lol... It was a pretty little piloquet {don't know how to spell that lol but it is pronounced "pill-oh-wet"...} Someday I might learn how to use a dictionary lol... Or learn to spell again lol...
Today will be a slow day... Kids have school... l have one load of wash left... Just my sheets... And clothes everyone wore yesterday... Isn't that awesome... I accomplished all the laundry in 2 days... Well 2 days and 2 hours of a 3rd... I haven't been laundry free for forever and ever LOL... I hurt but I happy... I am not really in a bad flare tho... Mostly Parkinson's pain from hitting the door this morning and beating up the keyboard... lol...
Well... I have to set up my ride for Thursdays appointment... And get some things done on the computer... And call my Mom... And get more rest... lol... And get these 2 rolling...
So take care... Love you... Jan/DakotaView Thread
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