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Getting over infidelity

How do I move on? I was married for 13 years before I discovered that my husband had been cheating...

Posted by steelmagnolia40

How do I move on? I was married for 13 years before I discovered that my husband had been cheating through our entire marriage. We divorced. I swore I would never let that happen to me again. My life felt like a lie. My ex husband was living, but everything that I believed was lost. When I started dating again, I was very careful. I didn't want to go through this again. I did get remarried. We dated for about two years before we married. He was older than me...I thought he might be happy to have a younger wife. I thought he loved me and if anyone was ever going to be faithful and loving it was him. He promised me that he was different. He promised that we would be together forever. No more divorce, this was it. He understood that infidelity had caused me so much pain and it was the one thing I asked him not to do. So, I'm sure you can imagine the pain and shock I felt when I found he was posting for sex on craigslist. It's been a week...I'm trying to figure out how I can move forward or if I can. He says he doesn't know what he was thinking. He says he loves me. He says our sex life is good...all things he was saying when he was placing these post. I am devastated. I feel like leaving him would be useless. Why divorce him too? It feels that being faithful is too much to ask and no matter who I'm married to, they will do the same thing. My ex husbands mistress enjoyed telling me that "Any man who dated you would cheat on you. You are incapable of making any man happy." It hurt hearing the woman who was sleeping with my husband say those things...but now it feels like she was right. I know she said those things to hurt me. To make sure I left my husband and let her have him. I'm sure she may have needed to say those things to justify what she had done. To justify perusing my husband. The problem is, now I don't know how to feel, what to believe. I feel broken. I'm just getting through each day. Then I feel overwhelmed by feelings of insecurity, doubt...how do I hear him say he loves me, and believe him? How do I believe him when he says our sex life is good and that it always was, but he doesn't know why he did what he did? I don't feel lovable, or sexy anymore...I did before I knew....but now...I just feel doubt...sadness...lost.View Thread

Posted by steelmagnolia40

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Getting over infidelity How do I move on? I was married for 13 years before I discovered that my husband had been cheating...

Caprice, Looking for Reputable Book on ANGER

I have issues with anger that have gone on before losing a loved one but only seem to have gotten worse in...

Posted by An_198072

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Caprice, Looking for Reputable Book on ANGER I have issues with anger that have gone on before losing a loved one but only seem to have gotten worse in...

losing my biggest supporter

Hi-I'm new here. I have to bury my best friend in 2 days. She was my biggest supporter. I have been battling...

Posted by ladybird81

46 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:losing my biggest supporter Hi-I'm new here. I have to bury my best friend in 2 days. She was my biggest supporter. I have been battling...

I hurt for my daughter - but she's not hurting....

My daughter didnt have boyfriends in high school. She met someone at college and he basically used her. She...

Posted by An_198071

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:I hurt for my daughter - but she's not hurting.... My daughter didnt have boyfriends in high school. She met someone at college and he basically used her. She...

Scared and Stressed

My boyfriend is gone at a camp with no form of communication. And I have expirienced hair loss, a recent...

Posted by An_198070

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Scared and Stressed My boyfriend is gone at a camp with no form of communication. And I have expirienced hair loss, a recent...

It's been 10 1/2 years but....

On December 7, 2000 I lost my best friend to suicide. She was 34 years old and one of the most...

Posted by iheartcoffee1976

4 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:It's been 10 1/2 years but.... On December 7, 2000 I lost my best friend to suicide. She was 34 years old and one of the most...

HELP, I DON'T UNDERSTAND A HORRIBLE TRAGEDY IN MY ...

Two years ago we received the dreaded call in the middle of the night. I was awake as usual, I'm a total...

Posted by Doxielover10

Two years ago we received the dreaded call in the middle of the night. I was awake as usual, I'm a total insomniac. It was my brother telling me to get on a plane, my Dad was ill. Fortunately my husband knew the FBI guys at the airport and we were on the plane in 5 minutes.

We rented a car on arrival and went directly to the hospital and I was the only person there. As I looked around I started to feel hysteria, he was hooked to a ventilator and swaddled like a mummy. My Dad was dying and we were saying goodbye. I went to him and could tell he recognized me, he grabbed my hand and kept holding it tighter and tighter. I leaned over and kissed him .

As I understood what was happening, my Dad's most hated thing was going to the doctor. The day before he had 3 doctors appointments that took all day. When he got home he said he was going for a nap. My Mom says he was still sleeping at 11:00 PM when she turned in.

We have no idea what happened and we never will. We think he got up to go to the bathroom and slipped or tripped and fell on the metal bar on the bottom of the shower landing on the bridge of his nose and fracturing his skull. Somehow he tried to get up or he was slipping in all the blood, he smashed the back of his head on the marble jacuzzi tub and fractured his skull again. When he was brought to the hospital the neurologist said there was absolutely no hope he could survive, his skull was crushed like an eggshell.

There is not anyone on the planet that was Daddy's girl like I was. We did everything together. Even after I left home he would come wherever I was to have lunch or dinner.. He was a hugely successful, powerful man and he did it all himself. He was a huge adventurer, he forged his mother's signature and went to war when he was 16, he went on safari, he did everything and took me along for the ride sometimes..

I stood next to his bed in either shock or disbelief that this spectacular man was going to leave me for such a stupid thing., the few times I ever thought of him crossing over it would be when he was 99 on some deep sea fishing excursion that he loved.

After he passed I wrote and delivered the eulogy which I was told was something my Dad would have loved. At the time I was highly medicated for my bipolar problem, I was taking 14 pills at a cost of $40,000 a year, I was taking 1200 mgs of seroquel.

I have no idea what is happening , this is the first time I have told anyone about what happened to my Dad. I did not comprehend any of it. This is the first time I am telling this story to ANYONE. I did not understand why I felt like the deer caught in the headlights. Was I so medicated I could feel nothing. All I understood was that I did not have any emotions. My mother said I was completely catatonic.

My Dad called me every day of my life no matter where he was, after I got home I just kept looking at the phone. I cannot tell you how many times I picked up the phone to call him with some story which he loved.

Ever since his death I cannot and have not spoken about him or done absolutely anything that makes me go there.

The other day I saw all the father's day cards and gifts and I felt like someone had shot a crossbow arrow into me. I was shaking like a leaf
and for the first time since his death I actually thought of him.

I am absolutely paralyzed , what happened to me ? Did I go to another planet for two years ? I have not felt any of the things you experience with grief.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, I BLOCKED OUT THE PICTURES OF THE BATHROOM, THERE WAS BLOOD IN EVERY INCH OF A VERY LARGE BATHROOM. DID HE KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, DID HE REALIZE HIS LIFE WAS OVER. DID HE UNDERSTAND WHAT HAPPENED ?

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME ?

ALLISONView Thread

Posted by Doxielover10

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:HELP, I DON'T UNDERSTAND A HORRIBLE TRAGEDY IN MY LIFE Two years ago we received the dreaded call in the middle of the night. I was awake as usual, I'm a total...

son in prison,again

myson got addicted to drugs and i bipolar . He was stealing and burglary. When a loved one is in prison, it...

Posted by An_198069

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:son in prison,again myson got addicted to drugs and i bipolar . He was stealing and burglary. When a loved one is in prison, it...

Caprice - It's a start, "thank you." Type of ther...

Thank you most kindly, I will take your advice to heart. I feel strongly I could use therapy but am afraid of...

Posted by An_198068

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Caprice - It's a start, "thank you." Type of therapist recommendation PLEASE? Thank you most kindly, I will take your advice to heart. I feel strongly I could use therapy but am afraid of...

Caprice pls advise. Six years later needing direc...

I hope for guidance or at least a suggestion as to what kind of help I might seek for issues I believe to...

Posted by An_198066

I hope for guidance or at least a suggestion as to what kind of help I might seek for issues I believe to have compounded since my father's passing 6 years ago. Before I begin, I will try to make this as brief as possible, please stay with me.
Father - 82 suffered years of COPD/Emphysema, refused doctors until the fall of the year before he passed. I was 42 at his passing. Close knit family, problems like most, more or less than some. Father drank for many years, family struggled during that time. Personally I worried to lose him because of his drinking. He quit on his own later in years, the family had its ups and downs. I think he was depressed because of his illness, he was losing his ability to comfortably breathe and function in general. I was there often for he & my mom. Mom was dependent, never drove, still doesn't drive thus relied on others to help out. I placed myself in the situation of feeling responsible to do so. I believe I have codependence problems personally and perhaps some serious suppressed anger issues.
Six years ago February my father was to go in for angiogram. He didn't have a choice in the matter, pain in his feet became very serious, had gangrene on one of his toes, terrible pain I could see in his face. He never complained, suffered in silence but one could see the toll it took on his health along with the COPY/Emphysema & congestive heart failure. We learned a lot those final months. He should have came home from the hospital 2 days after the angio procedure. Nurses said he they gave him morphine. We thought he would be okay for the night. Found out he tried to get up to go to the bathroom & fell. They discovered tarry stools and preped him for surgery immediately. Found a bleeding ulcer they were unaware of. Surgeon said he died on the table, another dr. brought him back. That was the beginning of his four month stay in ICU. I drove myself and my mother daily to the hospital and back, we were rarely separate, never alone with my fahter. Resentment built, I had two brothers I never asked to help although I expected they would and should on their own. I hold resentment towards them today because I felt they knew I could use a break from being with my mother 24/7, she stayed with me all during that time because she did not drive nor did she have anyone to rely on. (My codependent problem) I couldn't be the cause of her not seeing my dad, she was his wife. So much stress and anxiety filled his room those four months, we were so afraid she and I, my anger became suppressed for fear of the unknown, repressed feelings never able to get out. Where I had been semi religious I've become atheist, i believe in nothing except self, self to be the only thing to rely on in this life when it comes down to it. I find my relationship with my mother is very strained, I continue to be there for her. She has moved closer to me so I could be there, still the brothers are not. Why she depends on me is because I allowed it, I realize this. Sadly she never had the skills to do for herself, my father provided for all of his family, worked hard all the years. Mom took care of house and us but always had to depend on otehrs to help her when she needed to do something. Very low self esteem I have learned these later years but has learned a lot since dad's passing. Still I can feel the anger that feels suppressed raging out of me towards her because she has been so needy and I don't feel I have anything to give. I love her and in my mind I hurt her and I am rude toward her most days. How can I love someone and be so hurtful? I make her nervous because she never knows what to expect with me. I have a problem. How can I find help? What kind of professional do I need to seek please?! This change has been so terribly difficult, life without my beloved father. We both loved him, I feel a true hole in the world, in my life and heart that can never be replaced. PLEASE, needing help, advise. TYView Thread

Posted byAn_198066

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Caprice pls advise. Six years later needing direction. I hope for guidance or at least a suggestion as to what kind of help I might seek for issues I believe to...

missing my angel

I just recently loss my baby boy at 37 weeks of pregnancy. It was so hard to bury him in his tiny coffin...

Posted by omarigemini17

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:missing my angel I just recently loss my baby boy at 37 weeks of pregnancy. It was so hard to bury him in his tiny coffin...

Loss of a Marriage...

Over 3 months ago the man I have stood by through hard times and helped through downward spirals left me just...

Posted by jaimem318

Over 3 months ago the man I have stood by through hard times and helped through downward spirals left me just as freedom had come to us the freedom to come and go as we pleased. He was in prison, then on probation and I stood by him and helped him through it all, within 2 months after probation ended he leaves me for a girlfriend he went out with for 1 month 15 years ago, the girl he was with when he went to prison at the age of 17. I love this man even with his past, I have no horror stories from our marriage and courtship the only horror story is he cheated on me and yes that is a bad one to tell and it leaves me feeling lost. I was a faithful, loving and supportive wife, yeah I nagged about things like any human does, but there was nothing I did to make him cheat on me. I can't seem to move on, I feel like I am stuck. His girlfriend is also married and he is not the first guy she has been with since her vows were spoken. She is now pregnant and they are engaged, yet he questions the paternity of the baby. I have tried once in the last 3 months to contact him via text message, she called me and threw insult after insult at me while he stood there, thankfully through the grace of God I didn't throw an insult back I just talked to her like she was 12 and asked her if she was done or does she feel better. I know I am taking the high road, but why do I feel like I am falling into a pit. Through the grapevine and what I can see I know he is miserable with the reality of what he has done and the mythical relationship he thought they had is just that a myth, she is controlling him and keeping him from his family. The shell of my husband is all that is left yet I can't stop wanting him back. I cry at the drop of a pin, sleep comes and goes, I am constantly having to stop my mind from wandering to the "what if's" and "is he doing this or that with her". My dad passed away and that was hard on my mom, but I sometimes wonder if it would have been easier if my husband passed away instead of this. I want to talk to him and ask him so many questions but will the answers really help. How do you survive when the person you were living for has betrayed you and your trust?View Thread

Posted by jaimem318

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Loss of a Marriage... Over 3 months ago the man I have stood by through hard times and helped through downward spirals left me just...

Not sure where to begin or where to go

The story for myself and my family is a very extensive one, so please bear with me. In 2002, our first...

Posted by angelichouseife

The story for myself and my family is a very extensive one, so please bear with me. In 2002, our first home burned down to the ground. Otherwise, all was a loss. Fortunately, we had my family there to lean on. We lived with them short term, then to an apartment, the eventually back into our own home. At this time I had just returned from my 6 week maternity leave after having been on bedrest for the last 16 weeks. Our children were 6 weeks, 7 & 9. It was our oldest's golden birthday. As a mother it is my job to protection my children from heartache and here I was having to break their hearts. Then my husband was laid off for 6 months.. then back to work he went, only to be transferred to a city 2 1/2 hours north. This left me with 3 kids, working full time in a home that was unfurnished and us with very little personal belongings. After a year on our own, as we were only able to see Dad about 4 times that year because of his schedule, and much effort to hang on to our marriage. We had decided it was necessary to move there to keep our family together. Flash forward, Feb. 2009 Gas company blew up our home. Here we go again! The looks on my childrens faces will forever be frozen in my mind. This is an image that will stay with me forever. This time, no family to lean on and no where to live. We stayed in a hotel for 2 weeks until we could find temporary housing. We had to move 3 times before we located a place we could stay in for longer than a year if need be. I turned into a zombie, then 3 weeks later my husband lost his job! It was based on faulty charges by the employer and the union was fighting it, only it would take awhile to dispute (6 months). Our family was considered homeless by the school district. I had only been at my job for about 4 months and had absolutely no vacation, so all my time off was unpaid. Once I was able to get my head a little bit clearer I HAD to go back to work. Every day was miserable for us. No furniture, not a pan to cook in. Every day it discovering one thing or another we needed, even if it was just a pitcher to make cool-aid in. This again was an extreme emotional strain on the entire family. My children had to all enter counseling and are still affected, they will be forever! It took nearly 2 years to settle our court case and the only restitution made was for the value of our home and our acreage. We were back to square one. Because of the situation our credit took a MAJOR hit because of the Insurance company not taking care of the mortgage, as they stated they were working with the bank. We now did not qualify for a loan to purchase a home. We have owned our own home for the last 15 years. Now what! We have managed to finagle a way for us to become homeowners again. It took alot more effort and paperwork than I have ever encountered before. We have been in our home since September. Since the 1st of the year, we have been trying to personalize it to our tastes. And out of the blue on April 26, the day after our 19th wedding anniversary, my 16 yr. old Nephew and our Godson took his own life by a very violent means. He was very close to my children. I excused them from school and got them home, they are now 8, 15 & 17. This time the look was worse. I was doing it again. Breaking their hearts, this time reaching into their souls and taking a piece of that away. They are seeing counselors again. They are all struggling, however I am not strong enough to help them through this. I am putting on my strong exterior and doing my best, but then on the inside I'm lost. I feel myself slipping away. I feel everything from the past coming in and piling up on me. I am having panic attacks and I know I am slipping into a depression, although I am getting pretty good at keeping the world from seeing that "me". How can I be the rock of the family, when I can't even hold myself up? My husband's job keeps him on the road 5/7 days. I don't know how to do it......View Thread

Posted by angelichouseife

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Not sure where to begin or where to go The story for myself and my family is a very extensive one, so please bear with me. In 2002, our first...

In a state of anger all the time

I lost my stepson three years ago. He was with his godfather and they had a car accedent. For some reason my...

Posted by fibrowhyme

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:In a state of anger all the time I lost my stepson three years ago. He was with his godfather and they had a car accedent. For some reason my...

Multiple deaths

Hi, A little more than two years ago, I had a friend commit suicide. In June that year, my best friend...

Posted by Rose2689

Hi,

A little more than two years ago, I had a friend commit suicide.

In June that year, my best friend died from ovarian cancer.

Then my mother-in-law, of 27 years, lost a three month battle with lung cancer. She was only 67.

In September 2010, my mother and my best friend died after a long battle with Alzheimer's Disease. I was her primary caregiver and I believe when she died, I had already been actively grieving her for many years. I lived in a constant state of fear, anxiety, and heartbreak for over five years.

In January 2011, my 18 year old pet bird died. He was my baby.

In February 2011, my father in law died unexpectedly.

In an effort to overcome all this, I took a job caring for my niece's three babies. Ages 5, 3, and 1. Since I was never able to conceive after 27 years married, I jumped at the chance. It became my time to be a grandmother, and I have fallen in love with them a little more everyday.

Yesterday, my niece called hysterical. The 18 month old baby had his finger accidently cut off.

I was unable to cry at all the parents deaths or their funerals. I can't quit crying about the baby. I have nightmares everynight about my mother. I have panic attacks, including dizzyness, tingling, shaking, fast heartbeat. I have flashbacks and nightmares of sickness and death. I have times of uncontrollable rage.

My doctor says, grief is a normal life process. I am taking two doses of 100 mg. Zoloft, two doses of .5 mg. Klonopin, and a blood pressure pill every day.

I am beginning to have ideations of mental disorders. I am thinking I am bipolar, PTSD, OCD, anxiety disorder, and depression. Can enough emotional pain turn me into a mental case?

I do not know where to turn for help. Am starting to have suicidal thoughts. Just thoughts, I would not act on them.

I am open to suggestions, and thank you for listening. RoseView Thread

Posted by Rose2689

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Multiple deaths Hi, A little more than two years ago, I had a friend commit suicide. In June that year, my best friend...

Message To Everyone Here

Haven't been her in a little while but I'm back online a I'm here..I started on the forum about 6 years ago...

Posted by ttomm1946

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Message To Everyone Here Haven't been her in a little while but I'm back online a I'm here..I started on the forum about 6 years ago...

Lung cancer took my mom

Thank for your support. Everyone thinks they know grief but until you lose that one person in your life that...

Posted by Thespababe

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Lung cancer took my mom Thank for your support. Everyone thinks they know grief but until you lose that one person in your life that...

Mum

I lost my Mum on March 13th this year she was only 52, she was my best friend, some days I find it really...

Posted by rheyniebear

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Mum I lost my Mum on March 13th this year she was only 52, she was my best friend, some days I find it really...

Lung Cancer took my mom

I can sympathize with the lady who is having a hard time dealing with her mothers impending death. My mom...

Posted by Thespababe

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Lung Cancer took my mom I can sympathize with the lady who is having a hard time dealing with her mothers impending death. My mom...

Hope?

Caprice, it's been a long time since I have posted on here but I wanted to come back here and post an update....

Posted by nell1989

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Hope? Caprice, it's been a long time since I have posted on here but I wanted to come back here and post an update....

My friend lost his best friend 3 months ago and ha...

My friend lost his best friend 3 months ago very suddenly at the age of 19 to pneumonia. His grieving has...

Posted by BBChase

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:My friend lost his best friend 3 months ago and has pulled away from friends & family My friend lost his best friend 3 months ago very suddenly at the age of 19 to pneumonia. His grieving has...

Still recovering from my son's death

About three and a half years ago my son died at the age of three months. The situation with his mother (my...

Posted by mo1och

About three and a half years ago my son died at the age of three months. The situation with his mother (my ex-wife) was complicated, he was the primary reason for both the marriage and the eventual divorce, and she was alone with him for the three days leading up to that morning. The whole event is still a blur, punctuated with crystal clear memories of smell, pictures, the paramedic's heavy hand on my shoulder as I raced into my apartment building, my boss's callous "we got a call from your wife, there was some kind of emergency with your son at home, can you try and make it in before the next shift", then the weeks and months of emptiness. Even still I find that emptiness lurking on the shelf at the supermarket behind his brand of baby oil that I grabbed to deal with a sunburn. My life still feels shattered. Even though I have a very supportive family, I feel alone in this, like no one else understands what I am feeling. I don't understand everything I am feeling.

But I have learned many things from this experience, and I have grown incredibly from it. These days I really listen to people, not just to what they are saying, but what they aren't saying, to what they want to say. I give people the benefit of doubt more often than I used to, and I find myself giving complements to strangers. I try to infuse each moment with a little more depth, and to challenge people to be their best. I do this because I know what it is like to fight through an omnipresent fog, I know how those gray skies suck out all the sound from the world.

I am finally at the point where I want to be able to face this head on, and use it to help other people. If Lance Armstrong's battle with cancer can inspire people to face their own cancer, I want my history to help inspire compassion and hope for a better future. Anything else would be an insult to his memory. I am posting this here both because I need to be comfortable talking about what happened, and because I hope someone is reading this and can gain strength from it.

Thank you, and be wonderful to yourself.View Thread

Posted by mo1och

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Still recovering from my son's death About three and a half years ago my son died at the age of three months. The situation with his mother (my...

Grief of Mom and new relationship

Hi, My mom passed 8 months ago. She was ill for about 15 years and me, my sister and stepdad took care of her....

Posted by ljd36

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Grief of Mom and new relationship Hi, My mom passed 8 months ago. She was ill for about 15 years and me, my sister and stepdad took care of her....

Hiccups as a Sign of Nearing Death

Has anyone heard that a person seriously ill will have intermittent hiccuping? Thank you

Posted by runaclinic

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Hiccups as a Sign of Nearing Death Has anyone heard that a person seriously ill will have intermittent hiccuping? Thank you

parents loss

I am having a very hard time dealing with the loss of my parents. Dad had Alzheimer's for ten years and...

Posted by missingparents

7 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:parents loss I am having a very hard time dealing with the loss of my parents. Dad had Alzheimer's for ten years and...

unable to cope

I have lost my 18 yr old son 30 days ago. We do not know if it was an accident or suicide.The investigation has...

Posted by lostben

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:unable to cope I have lost my 18 yr old son 30 days ago. We do not know if it was an accident or suicide.The investigation has...

Losn Granny

My 94 y/o granny died on fri march 4, my children were devasted & we explained everything & they...

Posted by mochachcolic

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Losn Granny My 94 y/o granny died on fri march 4, my children were devasted & we explained everything & they...

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