It's been twenty-two months, since my mom passed away. I knew it would hurt, but I didn't realize it could hurt this much. My Mom & I were very close. My Dad & I were with her when she died. It was sudden & unexpected. I did CPR, but was unable to save her. One minute she was talking & the next she was gone. It hurts to think about that day. I feel like I failed her. I literally watched her slip away. I don't feel whole anymore. I try to pretend that everything is ok. I think it manages to fool my family, but I know I'm not fooling myself. I just wish I could have one of her hugs.View Thread
Dear Lostmomofmorethanone, Don't try to handle everything at once. You are not going crazy! You are grieving! You lost a big important part of you. I myself have not lost a son, so I won't pretend to know what you are feeling. What I will tell you, is that thinking of what it feels like to have lost my Mom (who was/is my Best Friend-my go to person), you're hurting BIG time. And right now it feels like you aren't strong enough to handle it. Please don't feel like you aren't doing enough for your mom. She might not be able to tell you or doesn't know how to put it in words, but she is grateful for your love and company. What you are giving her by being there to help and support her, is far more than what any doctors can do. Talk with your mom share with her your favorite memories of your childhood, times that you and Scotty shared with her, etc. Tell her how much she means to you. This will be a comfort for both of you. Continue to talk to Scotty, tell him how and what you're feeling. Tell Scotty your favorite memories of him. He is with you and talking will help. Won't cure, but will help. Scotty sounds like he was a great person. Though, he may not have been an angel, He still could be counted on to be there when the chips were down. That is huge! I don't know if your son's passing was recent, but it sounds as if it was, so that will make things harder to process. You have a lot going on, all at once. Try to take a few moments during the day, to have some me time. Even if it is only five minutes, use it to write down a memory, look at photos, feel the grief and let it out. Breathe deeply. You can do this, You are Scotty's Mom! Remember to take it one step at a time. (and those steps are baby steps) Feel free to write back, it won't fix everything, but it will help. I hope what I said can help you. ((((Hugs))))View Thread
Thought I would check in. Well, I made it through that long weekend. The past few months have been hard. Mother's Day and birthdays have not made things easier. My birthday was a few days ago, didn't do anything that day, due to illness in the family. Actually, I was ok with not doing anything, because I didn't have to pretend. I took a quiet moment with my memories.
Five days ago, my cat started to pass up her food, except for an occasional tsp of canned food. She did this back in April, and the vet thought that it was the beginning of the end. I spoon fed her baby food, and with lots of love she started to be better. But, this time I think the side effects of medicine she had taken for pain has done too much damage.
She isn't just a cat, or a pet - Sheis Family!
Biscuit saved my Mom's lift on several occasions. One time in particular, she sensed a problem with mom's sugar level in the middle of the night, when everyone was sleeping. Since my Mom's passing, she has slept with me and kept me company on those nights when I was having a hard time dealing with my Mom's death.
So today, I looking at making a very difficult decision. One that is breaking my heart.View Thread
Two years tomorrow (4/23). I still hurt as much as I did that day. I'm really finding it hard to want to get up each day and face the world. In fact, I get up and within a half hour, I'm ready to go back to bed. So that I don't have to act like everything is ok. I can't seem to focus long enough to get anything done. I really don't even care anymore.
The past two & a half weeks, I find myself being startled very easily. I jump at the least little noise, even if I'm looking right at it. I keep having this feeling in the pit of me, that something bad is going to happen. I try not to think, about the day my Mom died, but every little thing seems to cause me to flash back to that day. I just wish, that I could have saved her that day.
I'm not looking forward to tomorrow, and the day after is Easter. Two days of having to act ok! Don't know if I can do it. I'm just having such a hard time. My siblings seem to be adjusting well. I don't know why it's taking me so long to adjust. Sometimes, I feel like it will never be better. I'm just going through the motions of life. Nothing feels right anymore. There is a big part of me that went with my Mom, and I'm not sure there's enough left to survive.
Everything I used to believe...- not so much anymore!View Thread
Little things increase the pain of my Mom's death. It doesn't take much to cause a flash back. When I hear, see or read something that is even minutely close to that day, I can feel my heart squeeze tight, like it wants to stop.
My Grandma (my Dad's Mom) passed away, six months before my mom. I don't think I had really dealt with Grandma's death, when my Mom died.
My Best Friend's Grandma died, in December, right before Christmas. When she called to tell me, I felt the same as I did the day my Mom died. As she told me what had happened, that day started playing out in my mind, all over again. Her Granny's death was very much like my mom's.
About two weeks ago, she called to tell me that her Mom had suffered a heart attack. (luckily she survived) When she described what the ER doctor had said to her Mom, the questions I have, about my Mom's ER visit, started to surge through my thoughts. I keep thinking about what could have been. What should have been.
With the exception of the first 48 hours, after my Mom passed away, I have not cried or really allowed my feelings. I have to be strong for my family, especially my Dad. When I think, that I might say something about the way I feel, that's when one of my family members will come to me, to talk about their bad day. The few times I have said anything, that's when I'm told, 'she is in a better place.' I hate that statement. So I don't say anything. Now I think I've hidden those feelings, and pushed them so far back, that the next major situation happens, I won't be able to handle it.
I really miss my Mom. Everything changes when your parent dies. It's like you check out of your body. Your world collapses, and picking up the pieces is not easy.
I feel like my Mom was stolen from me. She and I were so close. I had promised her that I would be there for Dad, if something happened to her. I know that is the only reason why I'm still here. A BIG part of me died that day.View Thread
Thanks for your kind words. I just feel so emotionally shut off, but at the same time it hurts so much. One thing that hurts is when someone thinks they can make me feel better, by telling me that she is in a better place. I have no proof of that. Most importantly, her death left me in a bad place. Watching your Mom die is a horrible, horrible thing to witness. I felt so helpless. I have so many questions. I try to think positively, but one thought that crosses my mind often, is that I will go through this again with My Dad and 3 siblings. I find that I seem to just be going through the day on auto pilot. I like when nighttime comes, because that is the only time, that I don't have to put on an act like everything is ok. I have always been the one in my family that everyone comes to with their worry and concerns. Some days, I don't feel like I can make it another day. It's just so hard. My siblings seem to be adjusting to the new way. Up until my Mom died, she had always been a part of my life/day 24-7, since I was born (47 yrs). The last three years of her life it had been just me, my Mom and Dad in the house. I miss her so much. I barely made it through the holidays. In another six weeks and two days, it will mark the second year of her leaving me. I don't think I will ever be okay. It will never be the same. Thanks for "listening".View Thread