I lost my 83 yo mother recently and I don't know how I feel about it. I lost my father 2 years ago and I miss him everyday and a part of me knows that if I could talk to him I would feel better. But my mother and I didn't have the same relationship. Yes I loved her, but she was a very difficult, spoiled, judgemental person and that is what I dealt with everyday. My father on the other hand made me feel good about myself and all I had to do was walk in the room. I am relieved that my mom with not ever have to suffer and feel the pain of the loss of my dad. But I am also relieved to not have to deal with her anymore. And that feels wrong. I did all I could for her, and as the sibling that lived closest to her, I did a lot. But did I do enough? I could have been nicer or spent more time with her, but she just didn't make that easy. Her passing was a shock, and I think that makes it harder. But I just can't get passed the feeling of relief. And it bothers me that I feel it so. I never wanted anything to happen to her, but now that she is gone I feel like I have been set free. Thank you for listening. I know that everyone goes through this differently, and maybe it is just too fresh. But I just feel numb.
Even though it hasn't been too long and I really don't feel much different than before, I am wondering if this is all I will feel. Everyone tells me that because it still so fresh and it was such a shock that it just hasn't set in yet. But I just don't know if this is all I will feel. I don't miss her like I do my father and I doubt that will change. I have moments that I just can't believe she is gone, But I'm not sure that "upsets" me. And it really bothers me that I feel like this. I just don't know. I know that there is not right or wrong way to feel, but I just don't like feeling like this.View Thread
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