I lost my stepson three years ago. He was with his godfather and they had a car accedent. For some reason my 8yr old stepson was in the front of the car. The godfather was driving to fast they went off the road and hit a tree. My stepson died quickly I am told and I pray without pain. After he died life spun out of control. My husband blamed me for asking for a break some time away. I blamed myself and I grieved alone. At the same time I lost one of my own twin sons. Not in death but the story is long and complicated. In trying to get my son help for a mood disorder I lost him. I hate myself often for not keeping my stepson with me on that school vacation day and I hate myself for making the mistake of going to the wrong people for help with my son.I am broken and will never be the same. When I tell my story about my bio.son either people are shocked at the mistaks made in my case or I find myself defending the fact that I am a good mother or I am told I have no reason to be grieving for my son not being with me. I get told "well at least he will grow up" my head know to be glad my son is alive and not dead like my stepson but my heart hurt all the same. I hurt for my stepson I loved him like my own and I hurt for my bio. son also. I can not help but worry if my son is ok and cared for loved and hugged.On top of all of this I have fibromyalgia and I am in physical pain all the time. I am angery at everything! My relationship is a mess in his grief my husband really hurt me in ways I can not talk about here or anywere. When will the anger go away when will I be ok again?View Thread
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