With the holidays around the corner. I can't help but feel a little anxiety and sadness... This will be my first holidays alone without my partner. Does anyone else feel like this??? How did or do you handle the holidays???View Thread
wifeofnamvet- Thanks for your advice. This is something I will have to do alone. I have cut ties with alot of my family. I intend to spend the holidays with some close friends. It still hurts and you are right. There is no more "we" and that is something I am not used to. I still catch myself saying we alot. The hardest part for me are the nights by myself. That is when my mind wonders into sadness. I hope the sadness will ease up someday but for now I am nervous of the prospect of spending the holidays without them. I am sorry for your loss and I hope your heart will heal as well. Thank you for responding.View Thread
Just stopped by to give an update....Things have been pretty crazy here on my end. I have been struggling with my depression. I has been very challenging. I ended up hospitalizing myself because I didn't feel safe and was very unstable. Well it was probably one of the best things I could have done for myself. The intense therapy really helped me out. I still cry everyday but it is not as intense. I miss her terribly. I am taking it one day at a time.View Thread
Dem, The pain has not gotten easier. I have alot of things going on in my life right now and have decided to go inpatient to figure some things out. I don't feel safe and can't stop thinking of dieing. I feel everyone is out to get me and I don't trust anyone. So goodbye for now. I will keep you postedView Thread
I have felt sick to my stomach to know someone was in my house. I think this was F's (my wife) way of telling me I needed to change things around in the house and move on. It still hurts. I still cry everyday but, I have no choice I have to take care of things because I know no one else will. I can only depend on myself. This situation has put me into "survival mode". This morning I went back to F's grave. I had a nice talk. I feel her presence there. Its the only place I can feel at peace for a little bit. I am go back to work on Monday. I don't feel its time but I need to get back to work. I need to keep my mind off of things. Again Thank You! I appreciate you listening to me.View Thread
Its been a horrible week. My house got broken into. My computer got stolen and hacked into. I have been dealing with the insurance company to try and recover my losses. I have made so many phone calls the past couple days trying to report credit cards stolen...I am so angry and feel violated to know that a stranger was in my house. I have no energy to clean up the mess they have left. I am most angry that they have stolen some things that have sentimental value that I can never replace. I miss my partner so much. Feeling violated and sad.View Thread
Yesterday I went to her grave site. I felt her presence around me. I felt very calm and relaxed. I guess I needed some sort of sign that I was doing the right thing. It felt good to release some thoughts and emotions. The shaking is very minimal and I am trying to control it. As far as my family I have shed my last tear for them. They are not worthy of having me in their lives. I am still hurt and angry with their actions and thoughts but, I know that I cannot change their opinion. My wifes family is very caring and supportive. I just wish they didn't live so far away. They have shown me what a real supportive family is supposed to be like. I used to tell my wife that I envied her because she did have such a good family. She would always tell me that there was no need for envy because they were my family too. I miss her so much everyday. Does that missing feeling ever go away?? Today I will be going to my friends house to stay for awhile. She has been one of the few who have really helped me out.View Thread
I am going to stay with one of my really good friends for awhile. She has been there for me and understands my situation. I don't trust myself to be alone. I don't feel safe. My therapist has been keeping me off that ledge. Support groups......I like the idea.
Thank you Caprice!
My heart is so full of hurt. I can't believe I allow my family to get to me. I'm still in shock! God took my wife away because he's punishing me for being gay. I can't believe she thinks that......why would she say that?? I moved away for a reason. I couldn't put up with the abuse anymore. The physical and mental abuse were to much. All of these memories and emotions have come back to me. My wife saved my life. I'm missing her so much right now. I'm so alone. I don't feel safe right now....View Thread