Grief & Loss Community
Have you lost a loved one? A pet passed away or a lost a job? Grief binds all ... more
more than words can even explain. I was told she died from an intestine laceration and pancreatic injury. I still four months later have no idea how this happened which makes this situation that much worse. I feel I still have no closure. She had been visitng her father for a week when I got a phone call that I had to pick her up immeadiately at 10:30 at night. She came home with mutiple brusies but seeing as she was two and I forgot to mention disabled due to a femur disorder therefore she could not walk, bruises were not uncommmon for her. She also had a few other things wrong, nothing that warranted an emergency at the time (I am willing to share thoses things if anyone wants to know) I regret now not rushing her to the er, I feel I could have saved her if she was already hurt. I struggle with that guilt and regret everyday and blame myself for not being a better mother. There are a few more circumstances surrounding her passing that are causing me a great deal of stress. I am actually afraid to go into detail for fear of judgement or rude replys. Forgive me but people seem to have a lot more disrespect and harsh words for me these days than comfort and support. Again I am willing to share for those who are really here to help me deal with this and who are not judgemental or harsh. I have so many unanswered questions as to what happened to her, when it happened and if there was something I could have done. I feel like closure is nowhere in sight for me. Most days it feels like the walls are closing in on me and I just want to end it all and be able to hold her in my arms again. I know though that's not what she would want. I still want to make her proud of me, I know she's watching down on me from above. I know I have to be strong to keep fighting for the truth for her but it is so hard at times that I find strength almost impossible to summon. I just have so much going on right now in my life that I don't know where to even begin to deal with losing her but I know the longer I go denying things the harder it will be on me when reality does finally hit me. Thank you all for listening.
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