I have always considered myself independent and able to take care of myself. But in the past 18 months there has just been too much loss. June 2010 my "heart" dog had to be PTS because of bone cancer. I will never forget my partner Kent gently placing her on a blanket and carrying her to the car for her last trip to the vet. We stopped and got her a hamburger on the way - she perked up enough to eat it and then just went back into herself. I'm not really sure I ever got though grieving from losing her.
Having a dog was really important to Kent's sobriety so we adopted another a week after his "anniversary" in Sept 2010.
Kent and I were together for eight years - some pretty rough times and some great ones. He had been sober just short of three years and always said it was because of my support that he could do it.
He messed up his back by not taking care of it when he was in his 20s and 30s. Enough so that he was considered disabled - needed quite a few pain meds to live any where near a normal life. We were content - although his bad days seemed to be getting a lot worse and more frequent we still enjoyed the good ones. He loved his cat and dog - made friends in our community - kept house so I didn't have to think about anything after working 8 to 10 hour shifts.
August 25 2011 - He was still sleeping when I left for work. I knew he got up during the night and if he was having trouble sleeping he would try to sleep on the couch to not disturb me. As usual I let him sleep because he was kind enough to let me sleep before work. When I came home that afternoon he was gone. He never got up from when I left. Luckily my family lives very close (almost too close) and gave me all the support I needed. I still can't believe he is gone - going through his things was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I am having a real problem trying to make "our" apartment "mine" now.
After much thought I decided the best choice for both me and the dog (a large energetic lab who was really a "man's dog") was to attempt to rehome him. I got nowhere with any lab rescue organizations - I actually got an unpleasant e-mail from one of them for "not standing by my dog" and "trying to take the easy way out".
I was able to find him a wonderful home with a couple who has plenty of time (and space) for him. But I miss him dreadfully.
I live in a small town surrounded by other small towns - I am not Christian and it seems all the grief resources in the area are faith (Christianity) based. My family has been wonderful but I need more than they can give me.
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