My baby girl, 14yo, was put to sleep yesterday. She was sick for 4 years, and the last 2 the decline was visible every week that passed. It was time, she wasn't living anymore, she was just enduring life and I trully believe it was the right decision.
She was my first dog, I picked her up from the streets when she was about 1 month old. I was still living with my parents then, and when I left home (3 years after), we all agreed it wouldn't be fair to lock her up 14 hours a day alone, while I went to work, so she stayed with my parents. But she was my dog. I visit my parents very often, sometimes several times a week, and she was almays my girl. Her eyes would brighten up when I walked in and she would be on her best behavior, because she always aimed to please. Oh how I miss that girl.
The last years were rough, she had cancer (unoperable) and she fought it well. The first two years, she slimmed out, but was active and herself. The last two she started to slowly fade, except for meal times, where she would be my happy go lucky Evita again.
Unfortunately, I work fair away from my parents, and yesterday at lunch she collapsed and my mom thought it was time to give her eternal rest (we had already decised this before, and I'd been with her the day before yesterday and had said my goodbyes, as she was so weak).
I would have loved to be there in her final moments, but this wasn't possible. My Mom was with her and our vet is also my very best friend, so there was no lack of love in the room.
The thing is, although the tears are springing up while I write this, I'm not that sad. I'm relieved that the next time I go to my parents I won't have to see her frailing body. That I won't have to hear how she almost didn't eat, or vomited after eating. I honestly believe that wherever she is, she better than she was.
My Mom is falling apart, and I just sound cold when I tell her that it was for the best. It even seems to me that I didn't care all that much, which isn't true. But the last two years, that was not my dog anymore. She didn't wag her tail most of the time, and you would never know if she enjoyed the cuddles, as she would ask for them anymore... She lived for food, and that was the only time we would see her in there...
I'm feeling very guilty that I'm not miserable like my Mom...
Death is a strange thing for me. This happened when my Grandpa died too, some years ago. He was sick for a long time too. I just felt relived for all involved...
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