my sister went through over 5 years on phone therapy when our brother died (called every day - couldnt lean on her then and would not now - and i do not fault her for that) I don't say to much to her as I don't want her to fall in that deep depression again (she will not seek help - meds helped but she was more afraid of addiction than depression). right now she is angry (perhaps a good thing), i do listen and talk to her just do not recripricate 'sharing' of my feelings.
i'm a little nervous about going home in june, but i have already committed and do want to see my mother.
I also committed to visit my dad's wife next time i am there. not looking forward to it, but its the right thing to do. hopefully she will let me know if she doesnt want me there when i call to tell her when i will be there.
Having a down day and wishing I could see or speak to my father again. I would have opened up more to him.....whom am I kidding. I probably would not have the nerve now, as I didn't then, to talk freely with him. Strange, his family (my step family) said they never had that problem. i.e. he was easy to talk to, gave them advice and positive feedback.....He acted the opposite with me and my siblings, he was very judgmental - only had negative things to say to us - about how we looked or didn't have a 'worthy' jobs, etc. Perhaps this is part of the grief process or another excuse for feeling like I do. I am an outsider not only in life but family as well - by choice - do not know how to communicate with others.View Thread
Thank you Caprice for your reply - apologize- I was having a pity party that night not knowing what to do. I called my fathers wife and she has not returned my call. She did return my sister's call, which is good. I am now at the point I will not make further attempts at contacting her. I did medicate her husband, my father and she said the medication killed him....i.e. therefore I did. His family shared that feeling. The tension was so bad the hospice nurse told me to stay in a hotel the day he died for my safety. I ended up staying with his wife because her children said they were not going to stay with her. I could not leave her alone. I understand her not wanting to talk to me and cannot fathom her grief. Unfortunately she and her family feel I and my siblings do not feel any loss (we grew up without him where her family was raised by him). My sister is mad about that.....i don't know how I feel about their comments as I do not understand them. I was an outsider and should not have been there for him, but how could I not. I'm tired. Thank you for the ear.View Thread