I had to reply to your post because your tragedy is eerily similar to my own. First off, how are things for you now? Were you able to muddle through the grief and find an outlet? I hope so. Almost 2 weeks ago I lost my 5yr old great-nephew. We aren't sure what exactly happened. His lil heart just stopped. The doctors said it could take up to 8wks before they have any answers. It was so sudden & so devastating. I have so many of the same feelings you had. My niece (who's only 22) is my husband's sister's daughter therefore not making myself & my nephew blood related. But being his mother was so young, raising Julian was truly a family effort. I have 2 children ages 10 & 6. Because I was a stay at home mom (and we live on the same street!) & my now 6yr old wasn't in school yet from the ages of 2 to 4 (when he started Pre-K) my nephew was with me 4 to 5 days a week. I could not have loved him anymore if he was my own! But because I am "just an Aunt" an in-law Aunt none the less I feel like I don't have the merrit to grieve as hard on the outside as I am on the inside. He was so special. He was so amazing. He was my baby as you stated as well. I just wanted you to know that there is someone out there that understands. I am blessed to have close friends & my side of the family to vent to. I would probably be in a padded room if I didn't;) Anyway, I hope you have found peace. It's a process that I'm taking day by day. Sometimes hour by hour. Sending you support & understanding from afar! Take care & hold your babies close.View Thread