My mom died 20 years ago this coming April. I was alone, and taking care of her alone. I even bathed her. It took these 20 years to finally get over her death. No, I haven't forgotten her, nor will I, but I can think of her without the grief, etc. I have been in therapy and taking pills to deal with the depression and mania for the nearly 20 years. It was a long, hard road.
Even though I've been horribly depressed, I fought to get back to a level of functioning again.
I currently have the best friends in my entirely life, and their presence has made quite a difference. It's too bad that one probably has cancer, and that I might lose that friend, too! Agony wants to slip in. She's here now, so I'm concentrating on that.
I'm inviting my friends over for cards and other games, and maybe I'll cook something, if it's not too expensive.
I know 20 years is a long time, but I made it. I hope you don't have to wait for 20 years to feel better.