I lost my dad to Lung Cancer on 9-4-12. He had just turned 59 yrs old about 3 weeks prior. I didn't know my dad was sick. He went to the hospital a week before his birthday. A day after his birthday he's called into the doctor's office, he leaves saying "I'm dead" to my mother. Less than 2 weeks later, on 9-1-12, I get a call from my mom stating my dad was at the hospital and had 24-48 hrs to live. I was blindsided... I had to work that day, but when I walked into work I told my co-worker what was going on and she said leave. Scared, confused and alone I left and went to the hospital. I asked a nurse where my dad was. She introduced me and walked me to his room- my dad was dying... The shock and confusion was overwhelming. I cried violently. I hyperventilated. I tried to get my composure, so I could be there for my dad. I reassured him that I was there. I knew he was scared. He's always been scared of death. No one could bear to be in the hospital with him, but I couldn't bear to leave him alone. I spent the night there the first night, listening to him awake from nightmares or get a glimpse of the living nightmare. I was trying my best to make sure that he was okay- if one can ever be "okay" when they are dying... I got to spend time with my dad, albeit he wasn't coherent the majority of the time, but I was there. A few friends and family came by and left in utter horror. I stayed as much as I could over the next 4 days. The last day he was here, my dad wasn't responsive. I knew the end was nearing. No matter how difficult it was on me to be there, I am so grateful that I was there during my father's hours of need. I was the one being strong for all of my family who couldn't be. I was there when he took his final breaths. I mourned like only an eldest child, a daddy's little girl could. The nurses went to turn him from side to side and that's when his time was called. It was shortly after 4 pm on 9-4-12. I miss my dad everyday. There's so much that we never got to do. He will never physically be there for the "big" moments in my life, if they ever do come, marriage, kids, etc. He missed the birth of his first grandchild by 4 days. I will have to tell my niece about my dad, the grandpa that she'll never get to meet. Here I am about 4 months after my dad passed, I can't sleep and my face is wet and swollen while typing this. I miss you dad... It was my first holidays without my dad, my first birthday without my dad. 23 years earlier, my dad's father passed away from Lung Cancer as well. I have quit smoking, but my younger brother has not- I am terrified that history will repeat itself. I do not want to be the 3rd generation to die of Lung Cancer, nor do I want my brother to either. I am mourning the loss of my father, the plans we never got to keep, the memories we never got to make, the new day that he will never see. Although my heart is heavy, I am so very grateful that I was there with him when he needed someone the most. I was there, and I will always cherish that time, no matter how difficult it may have been on me- it was surely much harder on him. I love you dad. I miss you dad. I hope that you are resting in peace, no more pain, no more suffering. Love your Big GirlView Thread
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