Grumpy Groupies
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So I thought that perhaps we could write words that sound dirty but aren't
Ballc*ck:part in your toilet tank
Uvula: that thing that hangs down the back of your throat
Masticate: chewing
D*ck Butkus: a famous dudes name
Balzak : I have no clue what it is
Ramification
Cummerbund
c*ckatiel
abreast
wenus
Connie LingusView Thread
Then again facebook is funny. If you remember my mom passed in Feb and now my dad is facebooking his old girlfriend from high school in which he had her name tattooed on his arm for over 30 plus years. Anyhow, she now thinks I am her best friend and keeps chatting me up. Today I asked my dad if he had my bowls because they were missing. She replied that she needed glasses because she thought I said my bowels were missing.
I have to admit I am a facebook junkie and have to get my fix 50,000 times a day. Lord, I even chat with my 15yr old's girlfriend probably more then he does.
I think I am gonna lay low. I put an evil eye as my profile pic to get my point across. Unfortunately no one will find the humor in that either.
AngelView Thread
but she can be a real byatch at times too.

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Question 2:Your teacher tell you to do all of your homework tonight. You... Do all of your homework. Do all the homework you will ever get from her. Don't do any. S/he didn't give out any assignment called "all of your."
Question 3:You are watching a car commercial. The man says, "We are giving cars away! Come get an used car for only $1499!" You need a car. You go down there and... Things go normal. Why, what weird things could happen? With a short attention span, you didn't hear anything after, "We are giving cars away!", and show up with nothing, getting into an argument with the salesman. The same as 'B', except you show up with $14.99.
Question 4:You are checking your emails. One has the subject saying, "You've just won a million dollars!!" You open it and it asks for lots of personal information. What do you do? I click out of it. It is completely fake and they probably want to steel money from me. I fill in fake information and send it back. Maybe it won't need to know my credit card number, my address, my phone number, etc. I give them all the information and send it back. We're talking about a million dollars here!!
Question 5:The phone rings and you answer it. Some one asks you if your refrigerator is running. You say... Nothing. How immature of some one to make a prank call! Yes. Then I went running after it. I thought it had run away for a second there! You say yes. Then you pride yourself on figuring out not to run after it!
Question 6:When someone tells you to jump off a cliff and die you... Almost do it, then stop realizing they weren't serious. Go do what they say, except for the dying part. Become mad that they said such a thing!
Question 7:When something claims to figure out the meaning of your full name, and that all you have to do is enter it and tell them where you live, you... Don't! They could be serial killers!! Fill in your real name, but fake address. You feel so clever! Do it. You've always wanted to know. Now's your chance!
Question 8:A sign on a bench says "WET PAINT, DON'T TOUCH!" You then... Don't touch it! You don't want paint all over you! Sit on it. Touch it lightly. If it feels dry, sit on it!
Question 9:A lion escaped from the zoo. It is now in front of your house. What do you do? Go out and play with it AFTER washing your hands. Clever you! Go out to pet and play with it after cutting a raw steak in half. I call 911 so they can come and get it.
Question 10:You just cut yourself badly playing with knives. What do you do?? Stare at it screaming. Go out to ask the lion what to do. That wouldn't happen!View Thread
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In your 20's and 30's, you are prime mating material. We are happy, cheerful, not a care in the world. We have healthy, beautiful, shiny hair. No wrinkles, your face is flawless. Breasts are nice and perky, like they are saying "Look at me". Rear end is firm, round, no jiggle when you wiggle. Men look at you, licking their lips and drooling. You smell good and look good, perfect for mating.
Then *rolling eyes* Menopause hits. Your hair starts to fall out, your face breaks out, your breasts are now tucked into your grannie panties, your ass flaps when you walk, your face now has so many wrinkles that it looks like a road map, your breath changes, your bodies odor changes, your crabby one minute and crying the next. Men look away and gag. Mating season is now over.
You see, menopause makes us women so unattractive, smelly and so bitchy that there is no way in Hell a man is going to want to mate with us. Mother nature really has this thing all figured out. I HATE her.View Thread
No Booty Calls
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lP_BsSUXGx8View Thread
I am going to call their office tomorrow after I've calmed down. Let's see if the doctor will charge me comedy of errors ca-ching, ca-ching for lost appointment. If so I will have to take out of savings. Hubby will ask me 'are they going to charge us for your missed appointment?' So, must pretend to be asleep when he get home and lay in bed until 12 or 1 am until I fall asleep — that's a long time to be still. I feel so childish, but I just can't handle a money argument right now. OMG I hope they don't charge me because I haven't met my deductible yet.
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And of course everyone around me has an opinion about what I should do with my payment too. I swear. It's neverending. Go without and life is hard. Get the cash and more crappola evolves. Just tired....tired of everyone else's opinion. And boy it gets voiced even when I haven't asked for it.View Thread
beejView Thread
She picked up four cans and took them to the check out counter.
The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we
cannot sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, and the management wants proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat."[br>[br>
The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought
it back to the store. They sold her the cat food.[br>[br>
The next day, she tried to buy two cans of dog food. Again
the cashier said "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you dog food without proof that you have a dog. A lot of old people buy dog food to eat, but the management wants proof that you are buying the dog food for your dog."
So she went home and brought in her dog. She then was able to buy the dog food.[br>[br>
The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid.
The little old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole.
The cashier said, "No, you might have a snake in there."
The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in
the box that would harm her.
So the cashier put her finger into the box and quickly
pulled it out. She said to the little old lady, "That smells like SH** !!!."
The little old lady said, "It is. I want to buy three rolls of
toilet paper."
Don't mess with old people.View Thread
So last night I took my Lorazepam and Lunesta together, boy did I feel like I was all kinds of stoned. lol. Anyways I was brave enough to jump my old man. hahaha. ok, so it wasnt really like that, it was more like this. We just took it very very slowly. I was in control so that we could stop if it got painful. We kinda leaned this way or that way, slid over, rolled over, anything to make it more comfortable. So yea, OMG, we did it!!!! May sound like nothing to some of you but to me its like a HUGE step.
I wanted to run around the block screaming "I HAD SEX, I HAD SEX......" This is like huge news. Its like someone climbing Mount Everest. Maybe I will get my picture in the paper with the headline readind *Cookie Finally Does The Hokey Pokey*View Thread
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Then I keep getting emails from different ppl and different companies who want to enlarge my penis. uuuuuummmmm......
Also I just won 2 million dollars!!!! yipppeeeee. hhhmmm but I also have different countries wanting to give me money too and a few widows and I have been waiting 5 yrs now for some of that money to arrive. Stupid post office.
Facebook soul mate has found that 11 ppl want to date me. Im sure that one of them is that nympho. Sarah.
LocalHookUps sent me some emails and told me that I have been invited for sex. How kind of them to think of me.View Thread
So c'mon everyone, first things first, who can define (for those who don't know) what venting hairy frogs mean? Get on your thinking cap (put a frog on your head) and come up with some good answers!
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